


Falling Apart Inside

by Scandalmuss



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Harry Hart Lives, Heavy Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, No Regrets Angst, Post V-Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-05-19 10:01:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 65,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5963215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scandalmuss/pseuds/Scandalmuss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post V-Day, Eggsy is not himself. He's hiding away at Harry's instead of his new house with his Mum and sister and he's slowly wrecking his body by taking mission after mission. But Kingsman is short staffed, so he's doing them a favour, right?</p><p>Wrong.</p><p>Life had a way of pointing things out that Eggsy had no desire to know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Everyday

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to name each of the chapters after the song that inspired me to write it. For this chapter, it was Carly Comando's instrumental piece "Everyday". Give it a listen, it's beautiful and heartbreaking all at once. 
> 
>  
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzGSIT4g0no

Eggsy’s glasses beeped from the side table. He groaned into the pillow and begrudgingly hauled his body over to blindly grab the offending piece of technology. He smushed them on to his face, “Wha?” He mumbled.

 “Eggsy, I’ve got another mission for you.” Merlin’s deep voice seemingly echoed in the room.

 Grunting, Eggsy mumbled something about needing more sleep.

 Merlin sighed, “Look, I know you’re tired, but we’re short staffed after V-Day-”

 “I know that,” Eggsy interrupted angrily.

 “Yes, I _know,_ you know that,” Merlin said in exasperation. “And I also know you want to be kept busy. Come to the shop this morning to get the dossier.” He clicked off the line.

 Eggsy yanked the glasses off of his face and threw them across the bed. He did not want to have to leave his warm spot. His hands slid out along the sheets, caressing the cold material. He tried to stop the hitch in his breath that would only lead to sobbing into the pillow again. Snatching his hand back to crush it underneath himself, he shut his eyes, willing the tears away.

 It wasn’t working. He shouldn’t even be in Harry’s house, let alone Harry’s bed. But after coming back to London without Harry’s lifeless body, he just needed reminders that the man hadn’t been a dream. He needed to know that Harry had been real. The inside of his throat started to burn in anticipation of the tears he was about to shed. Eggsy wrapped the red robe around himself, tighter than what was comfortable. He huffed a breath into the collar and tried to inhale some of Harry’s scent, but after wearing the robe so much, it was starting to smell more like himself than Harry. His chest ached as he attempted to stop the heavy flow of tears but it just wasn’t working. He turned to push his face into the pillow, he wanted it to swallow his screams, his angry shouts, his “IT’S NOT FAIR!”’s.

 He’d tried to stop the thoughts from staying in his mind but there were just too many awful reminders. He didn’t need to see the footage from Harry’s glasses to remember what it looked like when Harry died. The gunshot rang out in his dreams, the sound of Harry’s body hitting the concrete, the overwhelming screaming ache that there was nothing he could’ve done. It was all too much. Every single time he let his guard down, the images invaded his mind. He'd often screamed himself hoarse, but today he didn't have it in him. He let his white knuckle grip of the robe fall; his fingers still in their claw shape, but just resting on the bed. He flipped over on to his back and stared at the ceiling, his breathing slowly calming down.

 It wasn’t supposed to feel like this. He was supposed to feel energized and alive. He’d help save the fucking world and yet he was left feeling empty. Nothing helped. Roxy did her best but with Kingsman being so short staffed, she’d been pulled away from him too. He couldn’t very well explain it to his mum either so he was left to fend off the memories and the what if’s on his own. The world itself was in a state of upheaval and grief and Eggsy grieved along with it.

 Harry was gone. The man who had changed Eggsy’s life was gone. He never got a chance to thank his mentor, never got a chance to feel Harry’s praise at having saved the world from chaos. He never got a chance to tell Harry how he felt. How he _really_ felt.

 Being in love was something Eggsy was pretty certain he was never going to get to experience. Life had taught him that beautiful, wonderful things like Harry Hart don’t get to happen to men like him. But here he was, wrapped up in the dead man’s clothing like it would bring him back. Like Eggsy’s love alone would bring him back. “Fairy tales ain’t real.” He muttered to himself.

 He hauled his bone-tired body up from the bed, wincing as a sliver of sunlight blinded him. He stood up and took off the robe, hanging it up behind the door. He sluggishly removed Harry’s well-worn rugby shirt and his own pyjama pants. A shower would hopefully wake him up enough to function like a normal fucking human.

 

…..

 

“Hold the door!”

Eggsy turned around to see Roxy walking quickly to the shop, coffees in hand. He offered a little bow as he held the door for her. She winked at him and handed him a coffee as they both walked into the shop. One sniff of the coffee managed to ease Eggsy’s soul a bit, “Fanks, Rox.” he said quietly, hauling her in for a side hug and he kissed the top of her head.

“Lancelot, Mr. Unwin, Merlin is awaiting you in the dining room,” the counter attendant said politely.

Roxy tipped her head in thanks to Andrew. Eggsy nodded tightly. He hated that he wasn’t an official Kingsman yet. He knew he failed the dog test but he was hoping that with V-Day and everything behind him, that they’d consider that enough of a trial to invite him in. And he understood how busy Merlin was, but still. He wanted to feel official. Eggsy had no desire to take on the Galahad mantle, it was still too much to even think about. He could never be the man Harry was. Eggsy cleared his throat awkwardly, causing Roxy to hug him a bit tighter as they went up the stairs. He didn’t even have to say anything for her to know.

Eggsy pushed open the large wooden doors, Merlin was seated at the head of the table, surrounded by piles of dossiers, papers and a few different tablets. The Scotsman looked up at them. He made rather pointed eye contact with Eggsy.

“Well you look like shit.”

Eggsy scoffed, “Fuck off. You ain’t any better,” he said coldly.

Roxy looked between the two men, “Can you two knock it off? Everyone is bloody tired.” She sat down roughly and challenged Merlin with her stare.

Merlin coughed into his fist and started to go through the pile of dossiers on his right. He pulled out two and tossed them across the table to Roxy and Eggsy. “If you’d be so kind as to turn around and look at the screen.” He picked up his tablet and started to pull up the information. “This should be a nice easy one for the both of you. Your aliases will be Jordan and Calla Bateman, newly married. Jordan is an architect and Calla is a veterinarian. You’ll be heading to Hawaii on your “honeymoon” but will in fact be breaking up a drug ring that is starting to pull in tourists who then end up dead. As besotted newly-weds, you’ll have a fair amount of attention on you, so you’ll have to be in character for most of the time you’re there.” Merlin looked over at Eggsy, “So please make it look real when you have to kiss Lancelot, because if I see you scrunching your face up like she’s your sister, than I’ll be making sure you get served Fugu and leave your body at the resort.”

Eggsy rolled his eyes, “I’ll snog the life out of her.” He turned to face an disbelieving Roxy. “Won’t I, love?” His false bravado wasn’t fooling anyone, he could just fucking tell. He just didn't have the energy to keep up his normal cheeky attitude.

“Chances are I’ll be snogging the life out of you, dearest,” she said nonchalantly, flipping through her folder.

“Ugh, well that’s colourful,” Merlin grimaced. “So glad you’re both on the same page.”

Roxy kept her emotionless expression on but playfully nudged Eggsy in the ribs. “When do we leave?”

Merlin tapped his tablet. “At 1400 hours. It’s a seventeen hour flight and I want you there for at least part of the day tomorrow. You’ll be taking a commercial flight so you need to get packed and get to Heathrow as soon as possible.”

“Will you be our handler?” Roxy asked hopefully.

Apparently missing Roxy’s eager tone entirely, Merlin shuffled more papers around. “No, this is an easy one so I’ve assigned it to Alexi. She’s recently married as well so she’ll be able to give you both pointers.” He looked up at the young agents again. “This mission should take no longer than a week. If you pull it off before then, I’ll extend your stay. Consider it a well-deserved vacation.”

Both Eggsy and Roxy’s jaws dropped. “But I thought we were short staffed?!” Roxy exclaimed.

Merlin chuckled and smiled at her, “We are, but if I don’t have to put up with Eggsy’s eye bags and sleep-deprived moods for a few extra days, the vacation is really for me.” He winked.

Eggsy rolled his eyes, “Oh piss off. I ain’t that bad!” He looked at Roxy’s nervous expression and glared. “Fine! I’ll be a fuckin’ ray of sunshine!” He crossed his arms angrily and leaned over to playfully shove Roxy. It quickly became a small slap fight that was interrupted by a cough from Merlin.

“Need I remind you that you’re both highly-trained secret agents?”

A genuine smile finally crossed Eggsy’s face, “Aww give over! You’ll miss us!”

Turning his attention back to his piles of paper, Merlin shook his head. “You really ought to be packing. Besides, I have someone coming into help me with all of this nonsense and I’d appreciate it if you took your childish behaviour out of here before she arrives.” He said pointedly.

Both Eggsy and Roxy perked up at Merlin’s comment. Eggsy chose to speak first, “She? Who’s she?!” he teased.

Merlin stopped what he was doing and calmly laced his fingers together on top of one of the stacks of paper. “She is...an old friend of the organization and-” he paused, looking at Eggsy carefully, “-she has all the experience necessary to fill out this fucking pile of paperwork so I can focus on everything else.” He finished quickly. His eyes no longer on Eggsy but back on the work in front of him. He looked up again but only met Roxy’s eyes, “Any further questions?” His tone meant that even if they did have questions, he wasn’t about to answer them.

They both muttered, “No, Sir.” before getting up and getting out of the dining room as quickly as possible.

Once they were on their way out of the shop, Roxy nudged Eggsy, “That was weird, right?” she whispered harshly.

Eggsy nodded, “And why the fuck did he look at me like that?” He felt unnerved by Merlin. Why was he getting singled out? He didn’t care if some woman was coming to help them out, God knows they need any and all support they could get. V-Day had taken out some key players in the Kingsman network and Merlin was doing all that he could to keep up. Of course he’d have to bring in outside help. “Why the fuck was he so weird about it?!” Eggsy wondered out loud.

Roxy groaned, “God forbid it’s a girlfriend or something.” she grimaced.

Eggsy’s mood lightened a little, “Don’t worry Rox, I doubt that’s the case. Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s a robot.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, “And I’m also pretty sure there’s only one woman who loves that man like that.” His shit-eating grin took up his entire face.

“Oh, fuck off!” She shoved his arm off of her shoulders and levelled a glare at him.

“I don’t feel bad at all.” He pouted dramatically. He watched the blush deepen on her cheeks and he put his hand under her chin. Lifting her face up to meet his, he smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, Rox. I was just teasin’. I won’t say another fucking word.”

She turned away to face the cab pulling up to the curb, “You certainly will not utter another word, lest I ask why you haven’t slept at home for the past three weeks.” Roxy uttered casually, tossing a knowing glance back at him.

Eggsy sobered up immediately, embarrassment coursing through his veins. He knew he wasn’t hiding it well, but he had no idea that Roxy was aware of how deep his issues ran.  Merlin knew that he was staying at Harry’s house and the older man never mentioned it, much to Eggsy’s relief. He sighed as he watched Roxy get in the cab. He could just _tell_ she was going to want to talk about this.

_Some vacation..._

 


	2. Heavy Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy and Roxy complete the mission in Hawaii. Eggsy is given an opportunity to get more information on Merlin's friend and regrets it instantly.
> 
> The title is from a Serena Ryder song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzuV-5bui8Y

The mission had been a very quick success. They’d infiltrated the resort, found the drug dealers and their headquarters (which was really just a fancy word for an abandoned restaurant’s basement). They managed to burn it down (Sorry, Merlin) with no collateral damage and very few injuries to themselves.

 Roxy sustained burn blisters on her palm from a fiery lei she pulled off of Eggsy as they were escaping; the burning plastic had attached itself instantly to her palm and she spent most of the ride back to the resort biting the inside of her cheeks to stop from screaming. Eggsy did all that he could to try and cool the burns but even soaking his gaudy Hawaiian shirt in water and then wrapping it around Roxy’s hand wasn’t helping her nearly as much as he hoped it would.

He patted Roxy’s shoulder and smiled at her, “We’ll get it sorted at the resort, darling. It’ll be fine.” He felt guilty, the only reason he wore the fucking thing was because he wanted to make sure he didn’t lose it. It was supposed to be a gift for Daisy.

 Roxy scowled at him. “I’m going to burst these blisters into your fucking tea, _darling_.” Her sweet voice tried to cover the venom in her words. “Why were you even wearing it?!” she hissed.

 Eggsy’s eyes drifted to the cabbie for a moment to make sure he wasn’t truly listening. He turned his gaze back to Roxy, “Because, _my love_ , it’s Hawaii and I just wanted to fit in.” He smiled falsely, silently pleading with her to shut up until they got back to the hotel.

 She took a deep breath and looked like she swallowed the urge to scream at him, “Yes, of course, _darling_. How silly of me!” Roxy batted her eyelashes and then stared straight ahead until they reached the hotel.

 

\-----

 

Once they were finally inside their room, Roxy ran straight for the bathroom. Eggsy heard the taps turn on and Roxy’s whimpers followed. He poked his head into the large bathroom.

Roxy was hunched over the sink, the hawaiian shirt discarded carelessly on the floor. “Fucking fuck!” She cursed.

He walked in and started to rub her back. When she looked at him in the mirror and he saw the tears in her eyes, his face fell. “I really do feel guilty, Rox. They just handed it to us as we left today and- and I knew how much Daisy would love it- and I just left it on because I didn’t want to scrunch it up in my pocket.” Eggsy looked over her shoulder at her palm. The entire thing was bright red with massive white blisters appearing on the surface. His chest hurt just looking at it. “Fuck, that is rank!” When he caught her glare in the mirror, he apologized again. “Sorry, Rox. What can I do?”

Roxy’s eyes softened. “The first aid kit, please.” She said calmly.

Eggsy rushed out of the bathroom and started to root through their luggage till he found the kit. He brought the white box into the bathroom and opened it, finding the gauze, bandages and scissors. He started to cut pieces of gauze to fit Roxy’s palm.

She looked in the box for some of Kingsman’s special burn gel and held up a package for Eggsy to cut open. She then gently dried her hand as best she could and squeezed out the gel onto her palm, hissing as the cooling gel made contact.

“Okay?” Eggsy looked at her in concern.

Roxy nodded stiffly and held out her palm for Eggsy to wrap. He did it quickly, making sure it was tight but not too tight. She sighed once he was done, “Thank you, Eggsy.” her smile was weak. “I hate burns. They constantly hurt, even if you’re not doing anything.”

Eggsy guided her to the bed, “Yeah, it looks fucking painful. I am sorry it happened.” She tried to punch him in the arm and he grinned sheepishly. “You want some pain meds and a nap?”

Groaning happily, Roxy nodded.

Only when Roxy was fully out of it, did Eggsy grab a beer from the minibar and slouched down on the couch. His body ached from all of the work they’d done earlier. But the job was done and Merlin had promised them some time off so he shut his eyes and tried to drift off.

But it didn’t matter how tired his body was, his mind refused to relax.

Since showing up to the resort, Eggsy had avoided having the awkward, “Yes I’m a squatter at Harry’s house and I’m hopelessly in love with him, even though he’s dead” talk with Roxy. Which he was eternally happy to avoid. Talking about it out loud would make the crushing weight of his grief seem infinitely heavier. He wasn’t ready to hear what his brain has been telling him all along, _Harry’s never coming back,_ from Roxy. Or anyone else for that matter. He was more than happy to live in a delusion for as long as possible.

His favourite escape was envisioning a scenario where he’d be on his way home from a gruelling mission, Harry waiting for him with a stiff drink and nothing but praise spilling from his lips. Harry would pat the spot next to him on the sofa and Eggsy would collapse happily, wrapping his arms around Harry’s lithe waist. They’d cuddle until Eggsy fell asleep, at which point Harry would scoop him up and take him to bed...

Eggsy so rarely let his mind wander into the less than proper realms when it came to Harry, it seemed too cruel to let himself dream of touches, kisses and heated glances. Especially because he knew he wasn’t ever going to get them and dreaming about them just made him ache for something lost. But there were times where he felt weak, and he let himself succumb to visions of Harry hovering over him, sweaty and focussed or Harry pressed right up against him, rolling his hips and whispering sinful words against Eggsy’s skin-

Eggsy jumped when Alexi popped back on to the comms. “Whoa, your vitals just spiked! Are you okay?” She queried.

He sighed, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. You just scared me is all.” _Lies._

Alexi laughed, “Sorry, Eggsy. It was unintentional. How is Roxy?”

He turned his glasses to face Roxy’s sleeping form on the bed, “Coked out on pain meds and maybe a sleeping pill.” He smiled softly.

“Oh good, that’ll be nice for her. She can sleep through the worst of the pain. I’m just checking in to say that I’ll be telling Merlin you’re done.”

Eggsy’s mind drifted to the last conversation he had with Merlin. “Hey, Lexi?”

“Yes, Eggsy?”

“Has Merlin’s friend shown up yet?”

“You mean Kate?”

His mind raced to think of a Kate that he might’ve known or anything familiar about that name to have caused Merlin to be weird about it. “I don’t actually know her name.” He hesitated before following up, “What do you know about her?”

Alexi sighed, “Well her name is Kate-”

“Oh fuck off, Lexi.” he groaned.

“Fine, fine. She’s very quiet, but lovely. And quite pretty, it’s a shame she’s so buttoned up in those cardigans.”

“Lexi!” He chastised. “You just got married!”

Alexi snorted, “Yes, but I’m not dead! I’m allowed to appreciate a beautiful woman whenever I want,” she said haughtily.

Eggsy huffed out a laugh. “You’re a right nutter, you know that?”

“And yet here I am with a very important job! Besides, you love it.”

Smirking, Eggsy agreed, “Guilty.”

Turning back to business mode, Alexi attempted to stop laughing, “Is there anything else you need to know about her? I could totally look up her file, I doubt she’d be hard to find,” she added sneakily.

Eggsy’s heart jumped up into his throat. If he said yes, he might find out why Merlin was so weird about the woman. If he said no, he may never find out; and he certainly didn’t have the kind of access Alexi did. He really, _really_ wanted to take advantage of her offer. “Fuck, okay, do that.” He said guiltily. Checking to make sure Roxy was still asleep, he sat up and waited for Alexi’s results. “But..erm, don’t tell me everything, okay? Just stuff that you think would be important to know, okay?” He could hear her typing on the keyboard quickly.

 "If I may, Eggsy, why are you so curious about her?”

  _Go with the truth or no?_ Going with the truth would get him better answers. “Merlin was weird about discussing her with me and I wanna know why.”

 Alexi hummed and inhaled deeply. “I think this make take a few minutes, can I ring you back?”

 Eggsy nodded, realized that she couldn’t see him and then verbalized his confirmation. He lay back down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. _What am I doing?_ he wondered. Merlin was always trustworthy. Eggsy would and often did, leave his life in Merlin’s hands. He didn’t like not trusting the older man. So now not only was he losing his mind about Harry, he was also starting to question one of his close friends. There had to have been a good reason for Merlin’s reaction. There just had to be.

 Like on cue, Alexi jumped back on comms. She hesitated before speaking. “So, you were Galahad’s proposal, right?”

 Eggsy’s heart jumped even further up his throat. Why the fuck was she bringing up Harry? Alexi had hinted towards knowing more about how Eggsy felt about him but never outright said anything.

 “Yeah, why?” he asked cautiously.

 It sounded like Alexi was struggling with what to say. “And you’ve no idea who Kate is?”

 Now Eggsy was struggling, his pulse raced. “Who is she, Lexi?” His voice broke a little.

 “Her full name is Katherine Elle Hart. She’s Harry’s wife.”

 Eggsy’s world fell apart.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnd itty bitty cliff hanger! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Adding characters to canon is scary so I hope this goes over well enough!
> 
> As always, you can find me on Tumblr as Scandalmuss!


	3. Into Eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy meets Kate.  
> In the worst meeting of his life.  
> When does he get to feel whole again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is from the Thor 2: The Dark World soundtrack. It's just heartbreaking on so many levels. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL3xuzhBdt4

Eggsy stared at the wooden doors that lead to the Round Table Room. Never in his life had anything seemed so insurmountable as pushing opening those heavy doors; looking over at Roxy’s saddened expression didn’t help things either.

  _They’d had a genuine heart to heart on the way back from Hawaii. Eggsy came clean about why he was sleeping at Harry’s and the depths of his disbelief about everything. He’d confessed his feelings for Harry, through sobbing breaths, muffled in Roxy’s hair. Her good hand stroked down his back, attempting to comfort him through the hardest confession of his life. Eggsy would forever be grateful that Roxy didn’t attempt to be a realist when he didn’t need one. He didn’t need to hear that he was being foolish or that at least Harry’s death had been quick or that he shouldn’t be surrounding himself with a dead man’s belongings like a shrine. She had just hugged him close and listened._

  _But when it came to the topic of Kate, Roxy had gotten upset. “Why would Merlin hide that from you? If he knew how you felt, I can’t even imagine how he thought this would play out! Goddammit, Merlin.” she’d hissed._

  _He’d tried to calm her down but he knew she was right. He should’ve been angry too but he was stuck in heartbreak._

  _Harry had a wife. He’d been married for nearly eleven years, Lexi had said. Kate was almost always away for work and that was why Eggsy had never run into her. She was considerably younger than Harry but judging from how she was around HQ, her age didn’t mean she was immature. It was apparently the exact opposite, and that was why Merlin had sought her out to assist with the Arthur duties._

 But now the entire Round Table were waiting for Roxy and Eggsy to join them. Almost all the knights had made it back to London for this meeting. It was to be Kate’s introduction to anyone new and also the official Chester-less toast to Harry.

  _That_ was the other reason Eggsy didn’t want to go in. He couldn’t imagine being at that table, looking at Harry’s wife, as they toasted her dead husband and the secret love of Eggsy’s fucking life. He knew he’d have trouble not glaring at Merlin for surprising him with this information and for even thinking Eggsy didn’t deserve to know right off the bat about Kate’s existence.

 Fuck, he was even mad at Harry. Harry, who seemed to care deeply about Eggsy and who even flirted on occasion (Eggsy was certain it was flirting. Who makes cherry-popping jokes without a hint of flirting behind it?). How could Harry not mention his wife? There was almost no sign of her in that fucking house. Unless she was the one who was super into butterflies, but Eggsy was pretty sure that was another of Harry’s eccentricities. There weren’t any photos on display, no sign of a female presence in the bedroom, not that Eggsy had done too much sniffing around in there.

 As soon as he could get back to Harry’s after this fucking meeting, he’d be searching high and low for proof. Harry’s laptop was still there and still unlocked. As much as Eggsy didn’t want to find proof, he knew there’d be something on that laptop. The way Merlin had once gone on and on about Harry’s security, there _had_ to be some mention of Kate and their life together if it was _that_ protected. Eggsy shook his head to shove all of the awfulness aside. Roxy’s good hand settled on his shoulder, he looked over at her again and she nodded towards the door.

 “We need to go, Eggs,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

 Eggsy inhaled deeply and stood a bit straighter. “Right, right. I can do this,” he muttered to himself. Pressing down the front of his suit, he shut his eyes and prayed that the entire thing would be over quickly.

 Suddenly the door opened and Merlin’s stern face poked out. “What the devil are you two doing? Get in here!” he whispered harshly. He opened the door fully and as each of the knights came into view, Eggsy’s eyes avoided each of them till they rested on the figure at the head of the table.

 Eggsy’s chest started to heave. It was too much. Fuck Merlin for springing this on him. Fuck Harry for dying and leaving him. And fuck Harry for having a secret fucking wife that he never told him about.

 Worst of all, Lexi’s descriptors weren’t far off. Kate had yet to look up but Eggsy could see how beautiful she was. Her blonde hair was braided to the side, her face was still looking down at the table but her fair skin contrasted with the harshness of the black Kingsman issued glasses. She was dressed very plainly, all in black, her hands clenching together on the table. She looked quite short in Arthur’s chair, Eggsy was certain he’d have at least a few inches on her.

 Eggsy was unprepared for when Kate looked up. Her eyes immediately found his and he felt all of his anger dissipate at the sign of her chin quivering. She pursed her lips to stop herself from crying and looked away from him quickly. In that moment, he recognized his grief in another person and it was heartbreaking. And then he felt like an absolute shit for being mad. He stood behind Roxy’s chair as Merlin made his way around to the back of Kate’s chair.

 Roxy handed Eggsy a small glass of brandy and took up her own. Everyone looked to Kate and waited.  

 She opened her mouth as if to say something but then just stared back down at the table, taking deep breaths. Kate looked up once again and briefly looked around at each of the knights. She looked down at her closed hand as if it was impossible to open, silent tears streamed down her face. She took another deep breath and opened it.

 The medal of valour that Eggsy was all too painfully familiar with, fell loudly onto the table. Kate’s eyes didn’t leave the medallion as she spoke.

 “Harry...w-was a-” She suddenly shut her mouth and pleadingly looked at nothing in particular. It looked like she was fighting the urge to break down further into tears, and wanted to be anywhere but there. Merlin’s large hand grasped her shoulder tightly and it appeared to center her, she took another deep, steadying breath. “Harry was unlike anyone I’ve ever met.” A grim sort of smile showed on her face, “He was the type of man that was exceedingly proper but wouldn’t balk at taking you to the greasiest fish and chips place because he knew you loved it. He loved fiercely and- and-” her eyes darted up to Eggsy for all of a nanosecond.

 That nanosecond in time slowed down for him. Eggsy tried to tamper down on his racing heart. _Did Merlin tell her about his feelings?_ He took a deep breath and focussed on what she was saying again.

 “-and he loved completely. To earn his trust was a gift on its own. We are all made better by knowing and loving him in return.” Her mouth shut as she tried to stop more tears from flowing. She grimaced and tried to continue, her voice shook heavily with each word, “Eventually, remembering will...will replace grieving.” she sniffled loudly. “And we must, _we must_ remember the good times. It is what makes life worth continuing. And we have to carry on. Harry would want that of us all.” She inhaled sharply and turned her face towards Merlin’s hand.

 The wizard leaned forward and placed a kiss on the top of Kate’s head. He stood up once again and raised his glass. Each knight followed his example.

 Eggsy’s heart broke further, seeing the pained expression on Merlin’s face. The man had tears rimming his eyes and Eggsy had to bite his lip from sobbing out loud.

 “To Harry,” Merlin’s voice cracked.

 “To Harry.” The entire room echoed.

 Each of the glasses were placed on the table once more and a heavy silence fell over the room. Roxy’s hand came up and rested over Eggsy’s on the back of her chair. He’d never felt so miserable in his entire life. He just wanted to be curled up in Harry’s robe, and cry himself to sleep. Anything to not feel this way anymore.

 Merlin cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention. “Now as you know, I’ve been trying to handle both my job as well as Arthur’s job. As I haven’t had time to search for an appropriate replacement, I’ve asked Kate to come in and assist us.” His hand squeezed her shoulder again. “She will mostly be dealing with non emergency issues and the mountains of paperwork we find ourselves with. As you all know, Kate is more than capable to cover our arses here and even though she and I both wish she was here under different circumstances, it is what it is.”

 Kate nodded solemnly and addressed the knights again, “This is a dark period for Kingsman and the world in general. I will be doing everything in my power to make sure we remain united and I will ensure that we get through this. Please do not hesitate to come to me, I know there are a few new faces-” she nodded at Roxy and by proximity, Eggsy. “-but I assure you, I only have your best interests at heart. I will be situated in Arthur’s office for the time being.”

She looked up at Merlin and he nodded.

“That will be all.” He said quietly. “Thank you all for coming in. It means a great deal to us.”

 Each knight stood up and slowly made their way towards the door. Eggsy was all but pushing Roxy to get the hell out of the room but Bors had a broken leg and was hobbling rather poorly on his crutches. Eggsy didn’t look back at Kate. Couldn’t look back at her. This entire meeting had been the realist talk he didn’t want to hear. It was official. Harry was dead and the toast had been drunk.

 “Mr. Unwin?” Kate’s voice quietly called out.

 Eggsy stilled immediately and his eyes shifted down to Roxy’s panicked expression. She nodded infinitesimally and slowly turned him around to face the head of the table. Eggsy’s hand grasped Roxy’s desperately, tugging her along behind him. They stood back behind Roxy’s chair.

 Kate’s expression was both pleading and friendly all at once. “Please have a seat in Percival’s chair, Mr. Unwin.” she gestured with her left hand.

 The wedding band on her finger caught a stream of sunlight and flashed as she gestured to Percival’s empty seat. Eggsy’s heart clenched in his chest. Anywhere. He’d rather be anywhere than this fucking room right now. He sat slowly in Percy’s still warm chair. He felt Roxy sit down next to him and she squeezed his hand gently.

 Once everyone was seated, aside from Merlin, Kate spoke up again. “I am very pleased to finally have the chance to meet you, Mr. Unwin, and you, Lancelot.” She looked off to the side, “Although, as previously stated, I wish it were under different circumstances.” Kate attempted to smile but it wasn’t so much filled with joy as it was filled with heartbreak covered poorly in false happiness. “I want you to know that I’m not about to kick you out of the _house_ -”

 Eggsy paled, he hadn’t even thought of _that_. After all, it was Harry’s house and not his. He’d nearly forgotten that crucial fact.

 -“Merlin has explained that we are in the process of finding you a suitable home to live in with your family and that you’ve taken up residence in Stanhope Mews in the meantime.” She sighed deeply, “I don’t think I could even handle being at the house. And I’ll be on call 24/7 for the foreseeable future anyways, so it makes sense that I stay in the mansion for now.” She looked back up to meet Eggsy’s eyes.

 They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds. Eggsy was certain his expression looked confused and not at all like this conversation was tearing him apart inside.

 “Please stop me if this is too much, Mr. Unwin-” she hesitated, “I think you ought to know how proud of you, Harry was. He spoke so often of how much you’d achieved and I just know that he would’ve been beaming with pride at how you handled V-Day.”

 Kate’s words were the equivalent of a punch to the gut. So Harry had talked about him to her. To. _Her_ . And yet the man never mentioned her existence to him. Like he wasn’t worthy of that knowledge. _Like he couldn’t handle it,_ _more like,_ his brain supplied unhelpfully. Instead of the sadness filling him up, his anger was pushing it down. How dare she. How fucking _dare_ she tell him all of this stuff that Harry could’ve said to his face but instead, the last words Eggsy got were filled with anger and spite.

 Eggsy was the one at Harry’s side during his coma. Not her. No one mentioned his wife coming by to check on him. But Eggsy was there. So much so that even Merlin, eventually couldn’t turn him away. This woman was never there when Harry needed her most. But Eggsy was there. And yet here he sat, in front of Harry’s wife of nearly eleven years, being told that Harry thought the world of him and that he should be proud. The only emotion in Eggsy’s heart right now was vicious and vile jealousy. His eyes lowered ever so slightly at her.

 “I want you to know that as soon as this V-Day mess is dealt with, we’ll be making you a knight immediately.” She paused, obviously hoping for some smile or gratitude from him but he remained stone-faced. “Merlin has advised your reluctance to take up the Galahad mantle and I respect that.” She finished quietly, uncertain. “You have more than proven yourself, Eggsy. May I call you Eggsy?”

 Instantly regretting the cold tone of his voice but sticking to it, he uttered a final and succinct “No.”

 Kate stared at him with wide-eyes, which gave him a small amount of satisfaction until he looked up and saw the nearly withering look on Merlin’s face. Roxy’s hand squeezed his again.

 “I think it’s been a long day for everyone.” Roxy interrupted nervously, pulling Eggsy to his feet as she stood. “Thank you for your kindness, Arthur. And welcome to Kingsman.” She said quickly, all but shoving Eggsy out of the room and all the way out of the shop.

 “What is wrong with you?!” She shouted once they were outside, not caring that they were making a scene. “Eggsy, you can’t just- you can’t just be rude to her like that!” Roxy smacked him on the shoulder, far harder than necessary. “She’s just lost her fucking husband and you act like that?! Christ!” Roxy started to pace up and down the sidewalk.

 Eggsy felt his will start to crumble. “I didn’t mean it though! But once it was out, what the fuck could I do?! I’m angry, Rox! I’m grieving too!”

 Roxy whirled around and glared at him, “And you think your grief is more valid than hers?! She’s been with Harry for over a goddamn decade, Eggsy! You’ve known him for all of a year and a half! I know you’re my best mate but I don’t understand you right now.” She threw her arms up in exasperation and stalked towards him angrily. “Kate was trying to be nice, Eggsy. She was trying to give you the place in Kingsman that you so desperately want! Is this how you repay Harry’s kindness?!”

 Eggsy’s stomach dropped. _“Don’t.”_ He warned her sternly.

 A cruel grimace took over Roxy’s face. “I will always fucking love you, Eggsy Unwin and I will always defend you. But only when it is deserved. And right now? You don’t deserve it. Part of the grieving process is dealing with other people and not shutting them out.” She took another step closer and tilted his face down to meet hers. “Harry Hart offered you a chance of a lifetime and you need to accept the fact that Kate is offering you the opportunity to continue with it officially. You know that Harry wanted you to be a Kingsman.”

 Hot tears started to fall down Eggsy’s cheeks. Roxy spoke softly. “You need to apologize to Kate. You need to accept her help. We both know that if it was left up to Merlin, it’d be years before it’d be official. Kate isn’t the bad guy here, Eggsy. She’s probably feeling just as lost as you are and doesn’t need to be made to feel worse.”

 A choked off sob came from Eggsy’s mouth. “I just feel so broken.” he whispered as he collapsed into her arms. “I don’t want to keep feeling this way.”

 Roxy’s hug crushed him against her. “And you won’t, love. I promise.” she said calmly into his hair. She pushed him away from her enough so that she could meet his eyes again, “Now you are coming to my house, we’ll pick up take-away and enough alcohol to make us forget this shitty day, okay?”

 Eggsy really didn’t feel like rifling through Harry’s things right now anyways, and a night away from all things Harry seemed like it was the best option. He looked back towards the shop and felt defeated. “I should go apologize, shouldn’t I?”

 Nodding, Roxy smiled brokenly, “You should, but maybe send her an email first. You’ll come across more rationally and that way neither of you has to face one another for a little bit, right? And you’ll need to thank Merlin for lying about why you are living at Harry’s. He didn’t have to do that Eggsy, but he obviously feels bad. Come on, let’s grab this cab.” She smiled more peacefully, grabbing his hand and dragging him to the car.

 

….

 

The night was the first fun night Eggsy had had in a long time. They’d had way too much to eat and then way too much to drink and ended up snuggled in Roxy’s massive bed, watching a Strictly Come Dancing marathon.

 Even though Eggsy’s brain was hazy at best, he was still so happy he had Roxy in his life. She was the best woman he’d ever met and he now knew what it was like to be loved fiercely. Roxy had never minced words with how she felt about him and he felt so lucky. She had deserved the Lancelot position and first thing Monday morning, Eggsy was going to go and thank Merlin for covering his sad arse and then to see Kate, to follow up on his emailed apology and accept her offer to make him a Kingsman.

It’s what Harry would’ve wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who have stuck with this so far, I want you to know that it's not always going to be this angsty. But I feel like Eggsy needs to be put through some shit before he's allowed to feel happy again. 
> 
> And always pay attention to the tags! *wink* There's no one-sided romance here...


	4. Arsonist's Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy apologizes to both Kate and Merlin. He tries to bond with the former and gets tough love from the latter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arsonist's Lullaby -Hozier :https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eJbxI-jZbA
> 
> Sorry about the delay on this one. It's been sitting in my documents for about a month now and I just kept tweaking it. It used to be a lot happier which in the end, seemed less realistic, so this happened.

Eggsy walked hesitantly into the small kitchenette at the back of the shop. Andrew, the front desk clerk had said that Kate, no- _Arthur_ , was back there. He poked his head around the swinging door and took a deep breath as he saw Kate putting the kettle on the hob. He let the door swing shut behind him.

 “Arthur?”

 Kate turned around abruptly and stared at him, mouth hung open. She quickly reigned in her surprise and nodded slightly. “Good morning.... Mr. Unwin. What can I do for you?” she said calmly.

 He watched her hands busy themselves by making sure her cardigan was buttoned properly, _a nervous tic?_

He sighed, “I need to apologize to you, in person. I’ve been a dickhead.” His eyes widened, suddenly nervous about using such crass language in front of her. “Sorry.” The tension in the small room was palpable. Eggsy felt an embarrassing blush rise to his cheeks but Kate appeared to let down her guard and she smiled at him warmly.

 “Would you like a cuppa?”

 Feeling the weight lift somewhat off of him, he nodded quickly. “Yes please, Mrs. Hart," He said absentmindedly, immediately regretting his words. He’d never verbalized Kate’s relationship with Harry like that and it felt like yet another punch to the gut.

 The tension returned to the small kitchenette as she turned back to face him with an unsure look on her face, like she’d realized the exact same thing he had. Turning back to look at the kettle, she cleared her throat,  “There’ll be none of that, Mr. Unwin,” she had tried to tease but failed miserably. “You can call me Kate,” a painful looking smile graced her features.

 “In that case, please call me Eggsy.” he grinned back at her. He could just tell his grin was more gritted teeth than a real smile. _Maybe this hadn’t been the best idea._ The permission to use his nickname had appeared to cheer Kate up a bit though. Her smile looked a bit more genuine as she quickly turned back to the cupboards to grab a couple of mugs.

 “Would you grab the chocolate biscuits?” She called over her shoulder.

 Eggsy slowly sidled up next to her, placing several biscuits on a small china plate. He’d expected her to shut him out entirely, having realized Eggsy’s intentions with Harry were anything other than pure. But here he was, prepping snacks for a tea break with her. _After a mild cock up of calling her ‘Mrs. Hart’, you tit_ , his brain supplied unhelpfully.

 He turned his head slightly to get a better look at her. His initial thought of her being shorter was accurate; she seemed to be the same height as Roxy, but only if Roxy was in heels. Eggsy’s mind then supplied an image of Harry towering over Kate in a fucking family portrait, both of them looking absolutely besotted with each other. He shut his eyes to erase the made up image.

 In order to get past this, he was going to have to try and forget Kate and Harry’s simultaneous co-existence. She needed to be a separate entity, only a person, just one of many of Eggsy’s co-workers. He’d never make the mistake of calling her by her last name again, she would only ever be Kate or Arthur. In order to move on, he’d need to follow these new rules; any chink in his armour could be the end of his sanity. He felt himself stiffen as Kate’s arm brushed against his as she poured the boiling water into their cups.

 “Milk and two sugars?” she asked quietly

 He startled himself by chuckling, “Builders? Of course.” Eggsy could feel Kate’s smile radiating from her body. His heart ached at the thought that she was so happy that he had started to let her in and all he wanted was for her to leave and never fucking return. _That’s enough._ He looked into her hopeful eyes and mentally apologised to her. Eggsy could tell she was trying her best and he needed to do the same.

 She placed the teapot and the mugs on the tray, along with extra milk and sugar, no doubt  in case they decided to have more. Eggsy added the plate of biscuits and gently moved Kate aside so he could pick up the tray. They walked towards the door and as she held it open for him, he smiled, “Thanks, Kate.” Eggsy started to make the way back to the Round Table room when Kate placed a hand on his shoulder and stopped him. He turned to face her, “Are we not going to the dining room?”

 Kate shook her head, “I cannot spend another moment in there, let’s go to the patio.”

 The “patio” turned out to be a small balcony overlooking the alley behind Kingsman. It wasn’t pretty, the view was abysmal and it was only big enough for two plastic chairs and a sad looking table with an ashtray. It was the exact opposite of what Eggsy expected of Kingsman.

 “I know it’s not much, but at least it’s outside,” Kate grimaced. She moved the ashtray under the table and dusted off one of the chairs before sitting down. “Percival and Lancelot used to come out here and smoke when they were on shop duty.”

 Eggsy dusted off his own chair and sat down. “I didn’t know Percy smoked!” Percival seemed way too uptight for that sort of habit and Roxy had never mentioned it.

 She sipped her tea and nodded. “I think they both stopped once they finally got their heads out of their bottoms and got together. They realized that if they kept smoking, they were shaving years off of their time together.” Her look turned bittersweet. Eggsy could tell she was thinking about losing Harry. “You just never know, do you?” She said quietly into her tea.

 “No, you don’t.” Eggsy said into his own tea, trying desperately to not think about the gunshot that took everything from him. The more he looked at Kate, the more he realized she wasn’t nearly as emotional as she was days before. “If I may, you seem to be feeling a bit better.”

 A humourless laugh escaped her lips, “That’s because Merlin has taken to giving me some wonderful sedatives. They help me get through the goddamn day,” she said flatly.

 “Any chance he’s got extras?” Eggsy joked.

 Kate smirked. “You know, I think this was why Harry never wanted us to meet.”

 Eggsy’s heart skipped a beat, _what the fuck was that supposed to mean?!_ He cleared his throat awkwardly. “What do you mean?” he tried to sound casual but ended up sounding like he was going through puberty again.

 She leaned back in her chair and sighed. “Well, for starters, I’ve got years worth of gossip on him and by all accounts, you can be a bit of a shit,” she grinned. “I think he was worried we’d be an unstoppable force of embarrassment for him.”

 A surprised laugh bubbled from Eggsy’s throat, “Seriously?! _That_ was why?!”

 “ _I knew it,_ ” she said shrewdly. “Harry never mentioned me, did he? I just knew he hadn’t told you. _Bastard ,_ ” she said with no real anger behind her words.  

 Eggsy’s blush returned ten fold. “Sorry, I just-”

 Kate waved him off, “Nonsense, you’re handling my existence surprisingly well. But it goes to show you the lengths he was willing to go to, to avoid introducing us.” She picked up a biscuit and nibbled on the edge. “I had a feeling that he would’ve had us both over for dinner once you became an official agent.” She suddenly looked somber, “He took secrecy very seriously. There was always the fear that someone would try to use... me against him.” She sighed deeply as she shook her head, “Thank Christ for these sedatives.”

 Eggsy grabbed a biscuit and all but shoved it into his mouth. Kate was opening up to him and he wasn’t sure what to do about it; he didn’t want to blurt something out that would incriminate him. The silence spread out between them, Kate fiddled with her now empty mug, and Eggsy struggled not to choke on biscuit crumbs. He was mentally begging her not to talk about Harry anymore, he thought he was doing a fine enough job treating Kate as a co-worker and not Harry’s wife. But he was only so strong.

 Leaning back in the plastic chair, Kate turned to face Eggsy,  “Harry mentioned that you kept your dog from training, a pug right?”

 Yet another thing Harry told her about him. _Carry on, mate. You can do this._ He nodded, “Yeah J.B. He’s a pain in the arse sometimes but I love him anyways.”

 Kate smiled, “I’m certain Harry felt the same about Mr. Pickle. Why else would it be in the bathroom?” She fussed with her cardigan, “Bloody thing terrified me the first time I went into that loo. And Harry wouldn’t stop laughing at me!” Her smile had returned full force as she shook her head, “He actually had to _leave the room_ and when I poked my head out, he was leaning against the damn wall, like he’d never seen anything so funny.”

 Eggsy couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up from his throat, “Oh my god!”

 “I just smacked him right upside the head and walked out of the house.”

 Despite himself, Eggsy leaned forward eagerly, “What did he do?”

 “He ran after me, apologising profusely and took me back inside to show me the other bathroom I could use instead.” Her smile weakened, “And I’m pretty sure I never used that loo again.”

 Grinning, Eggsy put down his mug and glanced at Kate. She wiped a stray tear from her cheek and huffed out a small laugh. Her gaze met Eggsy’s, neither of them moved or looked away for several moments; there was no smile on Kate’s face anymore and Eggsy’s smile was quickly replaced by a defeated sort of grimace. She looked as if she was studying him carefully, slowly turning away and blinking back tears. Without looking back at him, she spoke softly, “I understand if you don’t want me to talk about him. Maybe remembering the good times isn’t what’s good for _us_ right now. I’m sorry.” She sighed, her haunted eyes meeting Eggsy’s. “You’ll let me know if you need anything, right?”

 Eggsy nodded, confused at the sudden turn in Kate’s demeanor, “Yeah, o’course.”

 Kate leaned over and patted his knee, “Thank you Eggsy, this was nice,” she said plainly.

 He wasn’t sure he believed her now, but he watched as she picked up the tray and made her way back into the building, leaving Eggsy perplexed in his wobbly plastic chair.

 Was Kate privy to more information than she was letting on? Did Merlin break and explain why Eggsy’s reactions were so strong? Fuck, things had finally started to go well and then she was inexplicably upset. Well, not inexplicably. Remembering a funny story about your dead husband was certain to upset even the strongest person. His stomach churned, something wasn’t right and there was nothing he could do to fix it.

 Merlin could help him. Help make things better with Kate. Eggsy needed to go and thank Merlin anyways so he walked back inside and down to Fitting Room One with barely a nod at Andrew.

 ….

 

The knock on Merlin’s door echoed loudly in the hallway, “Merlin?” Eggsy called out. There was a muffled reply so Eggsy just walked in.

 Merlin was leaning over his console, squinting at one of the screens with a headset on. He stood up and looked at Eggsy, nodding towards the couch. He turned his attention back to the screen, “Yes, the left now, be careful, there’s an grate about three feet wide. Avoid going over it if you can.” A few seconds had passed and Merlin chuckled, “Yes, I’m very well aware of your height, Lancelot. You can squeeze up against the side, not to worry. There’ll be enough room for you.” Merlin turned to face Eggsy and smiled as he chastised Roxy for using such colourful language. “You’ll be fine, Lancelot, relax. The rest of the vent is straightforward, no surprise turns at all. I’m stepping away for a moment.”

 Eggsy took in the obvious warmth Merlin radiated while dealing with Roxy and it made him smile. Even though he knew it disgusted her, Roxy most definitely pined for Merlin and both she and Eggsy had stopped teasing each other about their crushes after the Talk in Hawaii. But Eggsy so wanted to. Especially in this exact moment, but Roxy wouldn’t be happy if Eggsy made her blush so furiously that she forgot what she was doing. Merlin was decidedly clueless about the whole thing but still he unknowingly flirted with her. Which Eggsy just didn’t understand. _How do you not know that you’re flirting?!_ He always joked about Merlin really being a robot to which he always got a smack on the arm from Roxy.

 A clearing of Merlin’s throat brought Eggsy’s attention back to the wizard. Who was currently staring at him with an obvious sarcastic quip on the tip of his tongue, Eggsy could just sense it.

 “Is there a reason you’re staring at me with that dreamy puppy dog look on your face?”

 Eggsy glared at him and fought the blush that threatened to spread to his cheeks, “Fuck off, I was thinking about somethin’ else. Not you, you wanker.”

 Merlin crossed his arms, “And here I thought you were down here to apologize. But no, just to call me a wanker?”, he smirked.

 “Okay, yes I’m here to say sorry but you was being a wanker and I can’t be blamed for telling the truth,” he spat out.

 The older man’s eyes sized Eggsy up for a moment. “Fair enough. What do you need?” Merlin asked as he leaned up against the desk, arms still crossed.

 Eggsy squeezed his hands into fists briefly, anything to stop them from fidgeting. “Did you tell Kate about...well, about how I felt about Harry?”

 Merlin’s expression sobered up immediately. “You’re aware you and I have never officially discussed it, right? That I’m only judging things on small observations and that you’ve never corrected me or told me I was wrong?”

 Nodding, Eggsy put his head in his hands. “It’s not like I want to have to say it out loud again, Merlin.”

 “Humour me.” Merlin’s tone gave no indication that he was willing to let it go now. “Either you tell me the truth and we find a way to make things work for you, or you continue to pine away in silence and I can make things more difficult for you until you break.”

 Eggsy’s head whipped up, staring at Merlin incredulously. “You wouldn’t dare.”

 An eyebrow raise was all Eggsy got initially in response. “If it starts to affect your work Eggsy, I will have no problem forcing you to come to terms with it. You are a valuable asset to Kingsman and I’ll be damned if I let this ruin it for you,” he said seriously.

 “You don’t fuck around, do you?”

 “Not since my twenties, anyways,” Merlin deadpanned.

 A surprised laugh escaped Eggsy’s lips. If Merlin was making jokes, things weren’t so bad. “You’re mental, you know that?”

 “You’re terrible at apologies, Unwin.”

 “Fuck, fine! Look, thank you for covering for me when it came to the house, and I’m sorry I was such a dick to you and Kate. I’ve already apologized to her so don’t bring that up. And-” he took a deep breath, “And I’m in love with Harry and it’s fucking killing me that he died without knowing it and it’s fucking eating me _alive_ that he had a wife he never mentioned. Happy?” Eggsy huffed out, slouching down on the couch and crossing his arms.

 The next thing he knew, Merlin was sitting next to him, his arm wrapping around Eggsy’s shoulders, pulling the young man into a hug. Eggsy’s body fought him at first, uncertain about what to do with this affectionate side of Merlin, but he slowly melted into the embrace. “Lad, it will get easier with time. I promise.” He rubbed Eggsy’s back. “If you want to talk to one of the staff counsellors, I can arrange a private meeting at the house if you want. And you can stay there for as long as you need for right now. Kate’s far too busy with things here that she would have no use of the house.” Merlin pulled back to look Eggsy in the eyes, “But you need to deal with these emotions, Eggsy. If you don’t, it’ll just get worse and it’ll slowly kill you. Understand?”

 Eggsy nodded. “Yeah, thanks Merlin.”

 Merlin stood up and patted Eggsy on the shoulder, “You’re welcome. And I won’t be telling Kate anything about what was said in this office, okay? If she was in an off mood, I guarantee it was nothing you did. I’m very happy to see you giving her a chance though, all things considered.”

 Eggsy nodded again and slowly stood up. “You’re aces, mate.” He smiled weakly, making his way to the door.

 “Just because you’re not an official knight yet, doesn’t mean you can call me mate!” Merlin shouted after him.

Eggsy shrugged and sent a cheeky smile Merlin's way. He would never stop calling Merlin names he hated; it brought him small bits of joy in an otherwise currently grey life.


	5. Save Me From Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy gives in to temptation and opens the laptop to find some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I feel like I need to apologize because this has gotten WAY more angsty than I thought it would be, so... I'm sorry. But yay for Eggsy and Roxy brOTP! Right?! Please don't be mad!
> 
> There are links for certain things throughout the chapter, one of them is musically based so if you wanted to open that in another window while you read, you totally could!
> 
> The chapter is named for the beautiful Christina Aguilera song 'Save Me From Myself'. The lyrics are in the end note.
> 
> I'd also like to say how important I think counselling or speaking to someone about stuff that's going on in your life, is. It's made a world of difference in my own life and I'd like to think the Kingsman organization feels the same way. Mental health is so very important.  
> Also a huge thank you to those of you who are sticking with this fic! Thank you so so much!

Eggsy sat in Harry’s office staring at all of the newspaper clippings on the wall. He hadn’t had the heart to take any of them down, let alone put any of his own up. The small stack of Sun headline pages sat next to him on the desk, weighted down by the decanter of whiskey he’d brought up from downstairs. He was on his third tumbler and he couldn’t stop staring at the closed laptop in front of him; it had been tempting him for weeks and weeks but he’d only ever gone into the room to add Sun headlines to his pile and then left immediately. It’s as if his heart leapt into his throat the second he stepped over the threshold and it was far too intense to consider staying in the room.

 He often replayed the 24 hours he had spent with Harry, several hours of which were spent in the office. It had been one of the highlights of his training period and it had been one of the final straws in convincing him that Harry had felt (maybe not as strongly as he did but) at least something for him.

  _Harry took a preliminary sip from his martini glass, letting the liquids rush over his palate; a deep, appreciative hum sounding from his throat, “Well done, Eggsy. This is your finest one yet.”_

  _Eggsy grinned from his spot in the chair facing the desk, he took a hearty sip from his own glass and watched as Harry’s eyes followed the action closely. The gin burned down his throat and he immediately regretted taking such a big sip, but he schooled his facial expression into one of contemplation instead of disgust. “Still a bit strong for my tastes,” he wheezed out._

  _Harry chuckled and leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on the desk, “Trust me, with enough exposure, you’ll learn to like it.” He carefully rested the glass on the desk, letting his fingertips dance along the rim._

  _“That sounds like something you’d say about NLP training, Harry,” Eggsy grinned cheekily, attempting to tease the older man into not being so buttoned up. He swallowed nervously when he saw Harry’s gaze go from calm to heated and then instantly back to calm. Maybe it was the alcohol. Eggsy couldn’t even attempt to start to believe that Harry fancied him back. He looked down into his glass, he didn’t want to have Harry’s full focus on him again. Luckily, when he looked back up, Harry had leaned back into his seat and had finished off his martini._

  _“It is getting a bit late, perhaps I can show you where you’ll be sleeping?”_

  _Eggsy regrettably tossed back the rest of his martini and smirked at Harry, “Seriously, Harry. If this is a learning opportunity for an actual NLP test, you’re doing a piss poor job.” He stood up and walked over to the desk. “You should at least say something like-” Eggsy crossed his arms and adopted a posh accent, “-I’m afraid the guest bed is unavailable. Are you amenable to sharing the master?” He added a wink for good measure._

  _Harry rolled his eyes and stood up, “Oh, do shut up,” he said jokingly, “There is in fact nothing wrong with the guest bed and Merlin has the footage to show that you toss and turn too much so I will gladly pass on the offer of bedmate. So, thank you, but no.”_

  _Following the man out into the hallway, Eggsy decided he wasn’t done teasing Harry, “Well, if you are finding that something is keeping you_ **_up_ ** _, so to speak, please don’t hesitate to knock on my door... neighbour,” he grinned maniacally and sauntered away from the older man, ignoring the huff he heard behind him._

  _“This is the last time I let you drink in this house, Eggsy,” he said matter of factly. “Once you get the job, we’re going to have a long discussion about your seduction techniques.”_

  _Eggsy raised a challenging eyebrow, “Is that an educational offer?”_

  _Harry turned away from the young man and walked back to his room, “Go to sleep, Eggsy,”  he said humorlessly and shut the door behind him._

  _A deep sigh tumbled out of Eggsy’s mouth; he leaned up against the door frame and looked longingly at Harry’s closed door. Even though it wasn’t a total failure, he figured his brash attempt to flirt with Harry wasn’t going to work in the long run. He felt like Harry had almost caved a little bit, back there, but he’d had decades of spy experience to help him not look interested. Even with the pleasant buzz floating around in his body, Eggsy knew he hadn’t made up that heated glance._

 Eggsy looked at the nearly half empty decanter next to him, reality crashing into his memories, hard. Of course Harry didn’t act upon his desires, he’d been married at the time. He shook his head, he should’ve asked Harry where the newspaper article detailing his marriage had been, not only to see if he was actually single, but to have the opportunity to let himself down easily if Harry had managed to produce one.

 Months and months of pining away after the man could’ve been spent elsewhere. Hell, he could’ve gone into any club and taken someone home for the night. But no. He’d avoided all honeypot missions, stayed in at night, either with his friends or alone and hadn’t let himself be open to the idea of someone other than Harry. Considering the man was dead, Eggsy was starting to come to terms with the fact that if he ever wanted to get laid again, he’d need to get over Harry.

 He rolled his eyes and frowned at the desk; it looked like he was going to be taking Merlin up on his offer of counselling. “Fuck sakes,” he muttered unhappily. Eggsy chewed on his lip and stared at the laptop again, letting his mind wander. Like any addict knowing that they were about to get help, he felt the need to go on a bender of sorts. Push it all out of his system. Have one last go ‘round.

 He tossed back the rest of his drink and sat up straight. Pulling open the laptop, he smirked to himself for having cracked Harry’s apparently uncrackable password ages ago. The system booted up and Eggsy logged on confidently, his fingers moving deftly over the keys. The desktop was mainly just a bunch of Kingsman related programs, reports, anti virus, syncing and the like. Eggsy opened the search feature and hurriedly put in Kate’s name before he could chicken out. He kept checking over his shoulder, expecting to get caught but he knew that that fear was unreasonable, the house was empty, except for him.

 Nervousness flooded through him as he waited for the results. When the screen popped up empty, he glared at it. He looked around the room as if it would help him think; what else could Kate stuff be under? Eggsy shut his eyes and drifted through all the conversations he’d ever had with or about Kate. His eyes shot open and he typed in Kate’s initials, KEH. To anyone else, it would look like a nonsense word and with Kate being such a secret, most people who’d want access to this laptop, wouldn’t think of it at all.

 When several folders popped up, Eggsy’s expression got brighter and then hardened immediately. He loved being right, but not when he was about to expose himself to hurtful things. He clicked on the first folder, just labeled with a year: 2003. _The year they must’ve met_ , Eggsy’s mind supplied unhelpfully. Inside the folder were several video files. Each of the thumbnails looked like they were of Kate; Eggsy opened the first one and immediately realized that the footage he was seeing was from Harry’s glasses. The man had been so gone on this woman that he _recorded_ their fucking dates. Eggsy chewed on his lip and pressed play.

  _A much younger and no longer grief-stricken Kate smiled up at him, a faint blush on her cheeks. She looked around the restaurant and then back up at Harry, “This is such a fancy place, Harry! You didn’t have to go to all this trouble!” she grinned._

  _Harry’s deep voice came over the speakers, “Nonsense, after all of your stories about studying linguistics in Italy, I thought it was only appropriate to see if this place would-”_

 Eggsy’s fingers hit the spacebar, pausing the video. His heart slammed against his ribcage and his throat started to burn with the urge to break down and cry. He hadn’t heard Harry’s voice since he’d died. Eggsy bit at his fist to stop the sobs that wanted to scream their way out of his throat. Bolting from the room, he fumbled with his phone and dialled Roxy.

 Roxy’s sleepy voice rang in his ear, “Eggs? Wass wrong?”

 "I’m sorry to wake you, Rox,” he cleared his throat to cover the sound of his crying.

 Roxy caught on immediately, judging by how her voice suddenly sounded alert. “Eggsy, what happened? Where are you?”

 He leaned up against the wall and slouched down till he was sitting on the carpeted floor. “I’m at the house,” he sniffled, “I just- I was stupid and I watched something that Harry was in and just the sound of his voice-” he couldn’t finish, the broken sound of his tears stopping him. He heard the rustling of Roxy’s bedding, she must’ve been getting up.

 “Oh love, I’m so sorry.” More rustling. “I’m going to come over, okay? Why don’t you put on the kettle and I’ll be there soon. And Eggsy?”

 He hummed in response.

 “Don’t watch anymore of that video, okay?”

 “I won’t,” he mumbled. “I’ll go down into the kitchen and wait for you there, yeah?” He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and slowly stood up, bracing himself against the wall.

 “I’ll see you soon, love.”

 “Thanks, Rox.”

 

\-----

 

Roxy’s hand covered his own as they sat at the dining room table. He could feel her eyes studying him but couldn’t bring himself to look at her just yet.

 “What were you looking for on the laptop?”

 Eggsy sighed, “Anything about Kate,” he confessed. “I just wanted to see-”

 “How real it was?” she offered.

 He let his forehead rest against the table, “Yeah,” he mumbled. “He recorded their dates, Rox.”

 “Aww really? That’s so swee-”

 Eggsy looked up at her, unimpressed.

 -“not helpful,” she finished awkwardly. “I’m sorry, Eggsy. That’s a lot to take in for you.”

 He let go of her hand and fumbled with his sleeves, “I’m going to take Merlin up on his offer for counselling.”

 “Oh Eggsy, that’s a wonderful idea,” she smiled brightly for the first time since she’d arrived.

 “You don’t think it makes me look pathetic?” He winced as she slapped his hand harshly.

 “Mental health is extremely important, Eggsy. Especially in our line of work. I’m very proud of you for taking this step.” Her hand found his again, “Is that why you were searching for the videos?”

 He nodded and looked at her sadly, “I figured I’d go on a bit of a bender before talking to someone. I needed to see it, Rox. I couldn’t wait ‘til I’d ‘gotten better’.”

 “That’s a decent judgement call. Seeing those videos could’ve easily ruined all the progress you’d have made,” she looked at him and then set her lips in a firm line. “I can’t believe I’m about to suggest this but,” she paused, taking a deep breath, “do you want to watch them together? I’ll go get the laptop out of the office and we’ll watch it on that horridly floral couch.”

 A small smirk graced Eggsy’s features, “That couch _is_ right ugly, hey?”

 Roxy patted his hand, “It’s hideous. Now go get some blankets so we can bundle up on that monstrosity and work through these videos together.”

 Eggsy smiled gratefully at his best friend and he walked into the living room, in search of blankets. Once he’d created a bit of a nest, Roxy made her way in with the laptop. She nestled down next to him and they wrapped the blankets around themselves and propped the laptop on some pillows. “I’m really happy you’re here, Rox.”

 She nudged him with her shoulder and kissed his cheek, “I don’t want you to have to go through this alone. I will always be here for you and you need to know it’s okay to ask for help.”

 He kissed her cheek in return and settled into the nest.

 “I say we don’t watch the date videos, yeah? Chances are they’ll be about boring date stuff, ‘ _Favourite books? Oh I haven’t read that one! Fascinating!’_ ” she teased in a posh voice. “What about this folder? Sigtuna 17.10.2004?”

 “The fuck is a Sigtuna?”

 Roxy scoffed, “It’s like the oldest town in Sweden. They have a bunch of ancient churches that Merlin will go on about, _at length_ , if you let him.”

 “I’ll keep that in mind for when I need to distract him,” Eggsy grinned.

 The video popped up and it looked like the inside of a ornate church, religious art covered the walls and the vaulted ceilings, not one spot uncovered. Once Roxy pressed play, the view shifted to what was the front of the church, a large cross hung from the ceiling with Christ hung dramatically on the ornate cross. The camera shifted again to show an elderly man, dressed in a heavy-looking cassock, smoothing out the green table cloth on his altar. The priest grabbed an ancient bible and walked towards the front of the empty pews. The camera followed his movement and when he stopped in front of a man in a suit, both Roxy and Eggsy gasped.

 “It’s their wedding…” Roxy whispered breathlessly. She turned to Eggsy, “We don’t have to keep watching this.”

 Eggsy’s eyes cast over Harry’s handsome frame, tucked into what was obviously a Kingsman tuxedo. “No, I know. But it’s now or never, yeah?” He bit the inside of his cheek as he felt tears start to rim his eyes.

 Roxy leaned her head on his shoulder and they continued to watch the video. Judging by the emptiness of the church, it looked as if it was just Harry, Kate, the priest and whoever was taking the video. Harry and the priest were talking quietly, Harry’s hands clasped in front of him. Eggsy couldn’t believe it, but the man actually looked nervous.

 Both Roxy and Eggsy startled at the sound of fiddles starting up somewhere in the church. The tune was instantly haunting and at the same time beautiful. It almost sounded medieval and Eggsy let himself get carried away with the song’s slow tempo, rubbing his thumb to the slow beat of the song. He perked up when he saw both Harry and the priest turn to face the back of the church. Kate walked through the archway, holding a small bouquet of field flowers, that looked like they’d been picked right before the wedding. Roxy cooed at her dress, full lace sleeves, “vintage looking”, Eggsy was at a loss of how else he’d describe the dress aside from beautiful. Kate was a vision and the dress suited her perfectly. As the camera panned towards her as she got to Harry, Eggsy couldn’t help but smile at the incredibly huge grin that took up Harry’s face. The man was obviously so in love with the woman in front of him. His feeling of joy for Harry, momentarily shadowed his heartbreak for the entire situation.

 The camera view rustled a bit and got quite close to the couple, Kate turned around and passed her bouquet to the camera person, “Thank you, Merlin,” she whispered.

 Eggsy looked at Roxy and shrugged, of course it had been Merlin.

 Merlin moved to stand off to the side of the priest, so he could get a good view of both Harry and Kate. The couple couldn’t stop smiling at each other throughout the ceremony, unfortunately, neither Eggsy nor Roxy were fluent enough in Swedish to understand what was said and they were both surprised when Harry and Kate answered in the foreign language.

 “Dammit, I wish my Swedish was better!” Roxy cursed quietly.

 Eggsy couldn’t take his eyes off the screen, “It’s probably for the best, Rox. I don’t know if I’d want to know what they said.”

 Roxy rested her head back against his shoulder, “Yeah, you’re right.”

 The ceremony continued, Eggsy’s heart faltered when Harry was placing the ring on Kate’s finger. The man actually missed her finger entirely the first time, because he was so nervous. As much as he wanted to, Eggsy couldn’t be mad at Harry or Kate in that moment. They were in love and awkward and nervous and it was entirely endearing. Once the rings had been placed, Eggsy’s eyes widened, realizing that they’d be kissing soon.

 The priest finished with what they both thought was a prayer and Harry slowly cupped Kate’s face and leaned in. It was surprisingly not as chaste as Eggsy thought it would be. After the initial press of his lips to hers, Harry inhaled deeply and furthered the kiss, his other hand sliding down to the small of Kate’s back. Kate’s hands were no longer pressed gently against Harry’s lapels but were now grasping them tightly. A loud cough from Merlin brought them both out of the moment and they each blushed instantly. The newly married Mr. & Mrs. Hart looked at each other sheepishly and then burst into giggles.

 Roxy stopped the video and looked over at Eggsy, “I don’t think we need to watch anymore of this, hey?”

 Eggsy shook his head and leaned back against the couch, staring at the ceiling. “That was a gorgeous church for a wedding,” he sighed deeply, prompting an overdue yawn to escape his mouth. He turned to face Roxy, “I don’t think I want to see anymore, Rox.”

 She nodded and started to shut the laptop. Eggsy’s hand shot out and stopped her, “Wait! I wanna see if he’s got anything on me in there.”

 Roxy appeared to study him carefully, “It’s probably boring training stuff, I mean, you were his recruit. There’s bound to be something of you.”

 Eggsy took over the laptop again and closed out of the Kate stuff; he pulled up the search feature again and went with his version of Kate’s search term. He could feel Roxy’s confusion at his letter choice of “EDU”

 “Shouldn’t it be GDU? Also, what does the D stand for?”

 A shit-eating grin covered his face, “If you don’t know what the D stands for by now, we’re going to have to have a special talk. _So when and man and a woman fall in love_ -” A good shove from Roxy stopped the laughter bubbling out of his throat.

 “Oh fuck off!  I meant, what is your middle name?”

 He bit the inside of his cheek to stop from laughing again, “David. I think it was Dad’s middle name too,” he turned his attention back to the laptop, “My theory is that Harry knew how much I hate the name Gary so if he put me in here, it would be under Eggsy David Unwin.” He dramatically pressed the enter key and whispered out a “ta da” when files and videos came up on the screen.

 They both studied the screen quickly, trying to decide which video they should watch first.

 “Oh my god! The underwater test!”

 “No thanks, don’t want to relive that nightmare.”

 Roxy squinted at the screen, “What about that one? It looks like you’re wearing your adidas stuff. Oooo! Your twenty four hour period!”

 Eggsy blushed immediately, “Wanker, can’t believe he recorded that night. Christ, I was very much drunk. But it was his fault!” he pointed out quickly, “He was trying to teach me how to make a martini and the night kind of got away from us. And I know I flirted. Like, a LOT.”

 “So I get to see the famous Unwin Charm at work?” she teased lightly.

 “Hardly,” he scoffed. “It’s more like, watch how uncomfortable I can make Harry and then shamelessly wank off in the guest bedroom.”

 Roxy’s jaw dropped, “You. Did. Not.”

 He shrugged, “I couldn’t even stop myself. It felt like there was so much sexual tension in the air and I wasn’t about to let my first night alone in months, go to waste.”

 “He didn’t catch you, did he?”

 “Like we’d be watching this fucking video?! I’d never want to relive that kind of humiliation again. God, that would’ve been awful.”

 “Can I press play yet? Oh my god, I can’t wait to watch this.”

 Eggsy rolled his eyes and sighed, “Fine. Let’s get this humiliation over with.” He watched Roxy press play with such unbridled delight, that he couldn’t stop smiling, even though they were about to watch him be shameless in front of Harry.

 The video picked up about half way through the night, Eggsy stood in front of the small tray of assorted alcohol and his fingers twitched by his side.

 “Avoid the vodka, Eggsy.” Harry’s voice sounded gruff through the small laptop speakers.

 Eggsy turned around and smirked, “Gin?”

 “Gin.” The camera view nodded.

 “I hope you know what you’re gettin’ us into tonight, Harry. Gin is a cruel mistress.”

 “I can assure you that I’m more than capable of holding my own, thank you very much.”

 Eggsy laughed and grabbed another bottle. “Ain’t we supposed to have vermouth in it?”

 Harry’s hands came into view briefly as he tried to swat away that idea of Eggsy’s. “Don’t you dare. You’re going to stir the martini’s for ten seconds only, while glancing at that unopened bottle of vermouth.”

 “You can’t be serious, mate.”

 “Deadly serious. If you’re going to just piss around, you might as well just sit down.” Harry made like he was going to stand up but Eggsy turned around and glared at him.

 “Fine. I’ll make this fancy arse drink to your complete specifications, m' lord.” Eggsy bowed to make a point.

 Harry’s responding chuckle echoed in the small room; the camera view shifted to the wall behind him briefly, before turning back to Eggsy, bending over to grab two glasses from the bottom shelf. Eggsy remembered struggling with the awkward glasses but he didn’t think it took him _that_ long to get them. But the camera didn’t move.

 “Um…” Roxy started, “Is he focussing in on your arse?”

 Eggsy’s eyes widened as he watched the camera zoom in ever so slightly. He looked around the rest of the screen, trying to see if there was anything else, _anything else_ , that Harry could’ve been looking at more closely. But there was nothing. His mouth hung open like a fish as he stared at the screen.

 When Eggsy stood up in the video, the camera immediately zoomed back; both Roxy and Eggsy sat back against the couch, a little bit surprised at the sudden movement.

 The conversation in the video carried on but Eggsy couldn’t help but talk over it. “Rox...thank god you’re here because I wouldn’t have believed it if you hadn’t of seen it too,” he ran his hands through his hair, “I mean, that was obvious right?”

 Roxy’s eyes never left the screen, “Well I know I sure as hell don’t use my expensive spy glasses to check out a twink’s arse,” she deadpanned. She hummed to herself as Harry’s view continued to focus on Eggsy, “To be fair though, you were in some tight jeans that night. It’s no wonder his attention fell to your bottom.”

 Eggsy chewed on his lower lip as he watched the video, “Firstly, I’m more of a twunk than a twink,” he side-eyed her, “and secondly, I was just wearing what I’d been given. I’m sure Merlin picked it out anyways.”

 “Ooooh my god! How did I not think of that?!” Roxy nearly shouted.

 He paused the video and stared at her, “Think of what?”

 She nudged his shoulder slyly, “Percy told me that he was in charge of picking out my outfit for that night! So that means Harry had to go out and buy that stuff for you!” She clasped her hands together in an all too apparent glee, “So not only did Harry know you well enough to buy you that hideous jacket, he also knew your measurements and chose the jeans that made your arse look like that.”

 Eggsy’s cheeks warmed up and he tried to avoid Roxy’s very pointed stare, “Alright, you wanker. I get it.”

 “Do you?”

 He rolled his eyes, “Look, Rox. I’ve had to fight the urge to let stuff like this get my hopes up for like, ever. And don’t get me wrong, my heart is fucking racing right now, but there’s nothing I can do about any of this,” he started to curve in on himself, “I’m probably just reading too much into it anyways. He was happily married, Rox. And now he’s gone. I ain’t gonna start again with the ‘what ifs’, it ain’t healthy.”

 Roxy’s arm slid behind him and tugged him closer. “It’s okay, love,” she whispered softly, “I’m sure Kate has maybe three months left with us and by then we’ll have a new Arthur and you can properly start to move on.” Her free hand found his, “We can talk to Merlin and make sure we’re paired up till then, alright?”

 Eggsy exhaled and squeezed Roxy’s hand, “You’re the best mate a bloke could ask for, Rox.” He looked at the laptop and shook his head, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 She scoffed, “Enough mushy stuff, let’s go to bed-” she took note of the panicked look on his face, “-the guest bed, Eggsy. I’ll give you all the platonic cuddling your heart desires, okay?” She pushed aside all the blankets and stood up, holding her hand out to Eggsy.

 “And a back scratch?” he asked sheepishly, taking her hand and pushing himself to stand.

 “No more than ten minutes.” she warned.

 “Deal.” Eggsy kissed her shoulder as they made their way up the stairs to the guest room.

 Even if he told her every single day, he’d still never be able to tell Roxy how much he loved her. Especially after the whole Harry thing, Eggsy was certain there’d be no way he could repay her for all that she’d done for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not so easy loving me  
> It gets so complicated  
> All the things you've gotta be  
> Everything's changin  
> But you're the truth  
> I'm amazed by all your patience  
> Everything I put you through
> 
> When I'm about to fall  
> Somehow you're always waitin  
> with your open arms to catch me  
> You're gonna save me from myself  
> from myself, yes  
> You're gonna save me from myself
> 
> My love is tainted by your touch  
> Cuz some guys have shown me aces  
> But you've got that royal flush  
> I know it's crazy everyday  
> Well tomorrow may be shaky  
> But you never turn away
> 
> Don't ask me why I'm cryin  
> Cuz when I start to crumble  
> You know how to keep me smilin  
> You always save me from myself  
> from myself, myself  
> You're gonna save me from myself
> 
> I know it's hard, it's hard  
> But you've broken all my walls  
> You've been my strength, so strong
> 
> And don't ask me why I love you  
> It's obvious your tenderness  
> Is what I need to make me  
> a better woman to myself  
> to myself, myself  
> You're gonna save me from myself


	6. Merry Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months of nearly back-to back-missions and Eggsy was fucking exhausted.
> 
> But he was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 
> 
> He was getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Kate Nash's song 'Merry Happy', it just sounds like it's made for a montage of regular life stuff and I figured Eggsy's transition into a healthier person could use some upbeat music! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qf4Ea59Uods

Two months of nearly back-to-back missions. Six different countries. One bullet wound (“It grazed the surface Rox, I’m fine!”). Two stab wounds (“I still got all my organs, yeah? I’m fine!”). One terrorist, four environmental crusaders and a whole drug trafficking ring taken down.

 Eggsy was fucking exhausted. Simply put, he needed a goddamn nap.

 But he found himself lying in bed, staring at the stuccoed ceiling, unable to sleep. He argued that it was due to the fact that it was 3PM and regardless of the blackout curtains he had added to Harry’s old bedroom, his body knew what time it was and refused to let him rest. He sighed in exasperation and grabbed his phone from the bedside table. Scrolling through his messages, he stopped on his conversations with Morgana, the Kingsman counsellor.

 He’d barely been in London over the past two months so they’d taken to either emailing or texting, depending on where Eggsy was or what kind of time he had available. They’d mainly stayed on the topic of his complicated grief but they’d also touched on his trust issues. It was turning out to be an excruciatingly long process, but then Roxy would always give him a hug and on the odd occasion, he’d even gotten a pat on the back from Merlin. Even though they didn’t know exactly what Eggsy was discussing with Morgana, a small touch or gesture made him feel like he wasn’t going through it alone.

 It had been at least a month and half since Eggsy had seen Morgana in person and he thought he should rectify that. Pulling up her number, he rolled onto his back and waited as the phone rang.

 “My my, an actual phone call Mr. Unwin!”

 Eggsy laughed, “I figured you’d want the pleasure of hearing my melodious voice again.”

 Morgana huffed out a small laugh, “To what do I owe this pleasure then? We aren’t scheduled to talk for another day or so.”

 “Do you have time this afternoon? I figured you could finally come over to the house.”

 The sudden pause on Morgana’s end seemed to last longer than Eggsy would’ve liked. But he could already piece together why she was hesitant. “It’s okay,” he tried to placate her, “I’m okay to have you here.”

 “Are you certain? I know the house has been a safe zone for you since the incident in Kentucky, I wouldn’t want to ruin that for you. We’ve made such excellent progress, Eggsy.”

 He took a deep breath, “I think I’m ready. And you’re right, we’ve made so much progress and I think having you over for tea would be the right step.”

 “Okay, well that would be lovely then. But if at any time, you want me to leave, I will.”

 “Okay,” he stared at the ceiling again, _I can do this._

 “Eggsy?”

 “Sorry. Yeah?”

 “Thank you for inviting me over, Eggsy. It means a great deal.”

 Eggsy could just hear the smile in her voice, they said their goodbyes and Eggsy hauled himself out of the bed. Slipping into his track pants and a soft t-shirt, Eggsy made his way downstairs to start the kettle and get things ready for Morgana’s visit.

 Roxy had been the only one in this house since Eggsy had started living there. Not even his Mum or Daisy had been over. But they’d been in Eggsy’s official Kingsman house for nearly a month already; so whenever he wanted to see them, he’d always gone over there. He could only imagine the sad looks his mum would give him if she knew why he was living where he was. He’d lied to her anyways and said that he and Roxy had gotten a flat together, which had led to conversations centered around how good of a _friend_ Roxy was. And then that led into a very blunt conversation about Eggsy’s taste in _men_. His mum, albeit initially very surprised, had handled the news as well as he could’ve hoped.

Having Morgana over _was_ a big step. He felt infinitely lucky having someone like her, who understood how important it was for him to preserve Harry’s house. But they were working through that, he’d started to take down Harry’s Sun pages, he left them in order, of course. He may have also taken pictures of the room so he would always know where each page was supposed to go. Half of the wall behind the desk had been cleared off and Eggsy had spent an entire day carefully putting up each page, making sure the pins were in the exact same spot as before. He’d taken a picture of his half of the headline wall and sent it to Morgana and Roxy. They’d both heaped praise upon him and as emotionally draining as the day had been, Eggsy had felt so proud of himself and he was certain that Harry would’ve been pleased with his progress.

The nearly two straight months of back to back missions also kept him out of Kate’s way, which was another reason why his counselling sessions were going so well. Morgana had spent a fair amount of time trying to get Eggsy to separate Kate from Harry with simple facts.

The facts were these:

  * Kate’s maiden name was Overland. So he should think of her as Kate Overland and not Kate Hart.
  * She was 34 years old
  * She had her masters in linguistics
  * Her parents died when she was in her teens
  * She had a promising career in dancing before her parents death caused her to reevaluate her future



 

Eggsy sometimes replayed those facts while in rare meetings with Kate (and Merlin). Slowly his image of her as the love of Harry’s life was replaced with the image of her as a quiet, soft spoken woman, who always laughed at Percival’s attempts at blowing things up, made a mean cuppa and had the most genuine smile Eggsy had ever seen. Even Merlin had noticed the change in Eggsy’s demeanor when he was around Kate and he could tell that the Scot was impressed.

Eggsy set the kettle on the hob and started to take out cups and saucers, setting the table the the way Harry had taught him. It was a bittersweet memory but it didn’t slow him down the way it used to.

Before he knew it, Morgana was at the door with her ridiculously polite knock. Eggsy walked quickly to the door and smiled at Morgana as he opened it. Her normally tied back brown hair was loose and full of curls. Eggsy couldn’t stop himself from staring.

He didn’t stop til Morgana rolled her eyes and said, “Yes, it is naturally this curly, no you cannot touch it.”

Eggsy pulled a face, “Who wants to touch it?! Good lord, do people ask that?” He gestured for Morgana to come into the house.

“You’d be surprised, I always wonder about the people that ask. The previous Lancelot had asked to touch it once when he was incredibly high on painkillers,” she laughed, “Once Percival stopped laughing, he took James away from me.”

“I won’t lie, I kind of want to touch it now.”

“No, Eggsy,” she teased, walking past him into the house.

Eggsy shut the door and guided her to the dining room. Morgana sat down and Eggsy made his way back into the kitchen to grab the tea and some scones Roxy had baked the other day.

Once they were settled enough, Morgana smiled at him knowingly, “Thank you so much for the tea, Eggsy. I think this is wonderful.” She took a sip, “Do you have any idea how different you look?”

“How I look?”

Morgana nodded, “By dealing with some of your issues, you’ve actually physically let go of them as well. You were so hunched over when we first started to talk but now your spine is straight and you look so light right now.”

He blushed slightly, he had actually noticed his back didn’t hurt as much as it used to. Apparently he’d held a lot of his stress there. He looked back up at Morgana, “I couldn’t have done it without you, Doc.”

She smiled kindly, “I’m so very happy to have helped, Eggsy. How are things progressing with Kate?”

Eggsy let his hand wrap around the teacup, “Honestly, really good. That list of stuff we talk about is making the transition a lot easier. My heart doesn’t leap up into my throat every time I see her. I’m starting to think that once I’m back in London a bit more regularly, I might try and have tea with her a couple times.”

“But only if you’re ready, right? There’s no need to rush things.”

He nodded, “Yeah, I think I’m pretty close. She always seems so welcoming and I know she doesn’t know about my feelings about Harry, which, thank christ she doesn’t,” he laughed nervously, “She really is a lovely lady and as much as it sucks to see it, I can see why Harry fell in love with her.”

“Well, I’d have to agree that she’s quite lovely, I’d never met her before, granted I’ve only been with Kingsman for almost four years, but still.” She sipped her tea quietly and kept an eye on Eggsy.

The rest of Morgana’s visit went very well, they’d mostly stayed in the dining room and made a brief foray into the living room. Eggsy could tell that Morgana wanted to see the office and his wall but thankfully she hadn’t pressed it at all. There were still some areas of the house that he couldn’t have people in just yet.

He'd shut the door behind her and leaned against it, sighing deeply. He felt good. Really good, actually. Having someone other than Roxy in the house didn’t feel like an intrusion. A smile crept onto his face, _I’m getting better._

 

\-----

 

“Awww come on Rox! Don’t make me have to haul you round the course!” Eggsy laughed, jogging backwards.

“Oi! Just because you’ve recovered from a stab wound doesn’t mean the rest of us have!” She huffed, trying not to hold her side as she jogged.

“That was forever ago! You were cleared for regular physical activity like a week ago!” He slowed down and fanned himself with the collar of his sweatshirt, staring at the blush creeping up on his best mate’s face. He stopped entirely and waited for her to bump into him.

“Ooof! Eggsy what the hell?”

Eggsy bent over a bit to look into her face directly, “Why are you blushing?”

Roxy’s blush got deeper, “It’s called jogging for 2k and being a sweaty mess!”

His eyes widened and a shit eating grin took over his face, “Normally, I’d believe you, Rox. But I think you’re hiding something from me. You’ve totally recovered from your injury, mate. What’s going on?”

Roxy glared at him and pursed her lips, “Okay, for the record, my side does still hurt but…” she sighed at Eggsy’s overeager expression, “but that’s not why I’m slow. I forgot we had a run today and went out for a really, surprisingly, decadent lunch and I’m basically full of pasta and wine right now and the last thing I want to be fucking doing is running around the goddamn grounds! In this hideous sweat suit!” She gestured angrily to the grey Kingsman sweats they were both wearing.

Eggsy laughed, “That’s all? Why the hell were you being so quiet about it?! Hell, I’d have happily avoided the run to grab a pint and continue your afternoon buzz. But now we’re gross and I’m sure you’ve worked off some of that lunch, which actually sounded more like a date, by the way-” he stopped at the challenging look on Roxy’s face. He squinted at her, “Oh my god, was it a date?!”

Roxy’s challenging stare didn’t back down for a second. “Maybe,” she said quietly.

Eggsy’s boisterous laugh had combined with a high pitched squeal and he flung himself at her. “Oh my god! Tell me everything! How on earth have you even had time to meet anyone?!”

She tried to push away his obviously sweaty body, “Oh piss off!”

 Still unable to contain his joy, Eggsy pulled back but still left a hand on her shoulder, “Oh Rox, I’m so happy for you! You don’t have to spend all your time with this grumpy bugger!” he gestured to himself. Suddenly his pocket beeped and he took out his glasses, “Or this grumpy bugger, amirite? Yes Merlin?” he grinned  at Roxy’s giggle.

 “Your mum was in the shop, I believe you were supposed to look after Daisy this afternoon?”

 Eggsy’s face fell, “Oh christ, I totally forgot, oh god did she leave?”

 “No, lad, your wee sister is on her way to see you now, I’d suggest going to clean up, you’ve got about ten minutes before she gets there.”

 “Right, okay, thanks Merlin. Oh, um… can I have the afternoon off?” he grimaced.

 Merlin’s momentary radio silence was deafening, “I’m only allowing it because you’ve worked so hard over the past few months,” he paused, “and maybe because I know no one will get anything done with her adorable little face around.”

 Eggsy grinned, “Oh thanks, Merlin. You’re the best.”

 Merlin scoffed, “Obviously.” and clicked off the line.

 “Well it’s your lucky day, Rox, no more exercise!”

 “Oh thank christ!” She immediately collapsed to the ground, “Just leave me here," she waved Eggsy away weakly, "Tell J.B I love him!”

 Laughing, Eggsy held out a hand for her to grab, “J.B gets a mention and I don’t?” He lifted her up off the ground and they started to make their way back to the mansion.

 “J.B didn’t make me go on a 2k run so yeah, J.B gets the love and you don’t.” She stuck out her tongue but then smiled warmly up at him.

 

\-----

 

Fresh from the showers, Eggsy took out his neatly pressed pants and black button up shirt. He knew Merlin had said that normally Kingsman agents are supposed to wear white but as he was planning on taking Daisy for ice cream, he knew better than to wear something that would get dirty easily.

 Roxy walked around the corner, already dressed and leaned against the lockers, “So what’s Daisy gonna do with her Big Bruv today?”

 Eggsy grinned, “We’re gonna go get some ice cream and then I’m probably gonna be weak and take her to a toy store even though Mum keeps giving me grief about the stuff I buy her.” He shut his locker and started to do up the buttons on his shirt.

 “She’s only little once, you best spoil her while you can.”

 “That’s what I keep telling Mum!” he exclaimed exasperatedly. “Maybe we’ll pick up some flowers for Mum, distract her from whatever toy Daisy picks out.”

 Roxy laughed, “Well there you go. Solid plan, Unwin.” She looked at her watch, “Shit, I forgot I was meeting Percy at, well, five minutes ago.”

 “Whomever you’re dating has got your brain all muddled up,” he laughed, “And keep in mind we’re not done discussing it yet!”

 “I’ll call you later, yeah?”

 Eggsy nodded, “Sure thing, mate.”

They both walked out of the changing area, Roxy went her own way and Eggsy walked up the stairs. There were times where it still felt surreal that the mansion was part of Kingsman. It was straight out of some sort of Regency era film and Eggsy had been pretty sure that he’d always noticed something new, each time he walked through the halls. His attention was interrupted by a tiny voice.

“Eggy!” Daisy cried out.

Eggsy turned towards his sister’s voice, a grin ready to spread out across his face until he noticed who had brought Daisy to him. Kate stood at the end of the hall, her hand still in the air from where Daisy had been holding it and an impossibly warm expression on her face. They both watched Daisy run towards him but Eggsy couldn’t help but flit his gaze up to Kate and then back down to his sister. His smile wasn’t as big as he’d originally intended, but once Daisy was scooped up into his arms, his smile returned tenfold. “Oh my Daisy, I’ve missed you!”

Daisy wrapped her small arms around his neck, “ An’ I miss you,” she said quietly.

Eggsy looked up at Kate who was making her way towards them. He cleared his throat, “Did you thank Kate for bringing you to see your bruv?”

Daisy’s curly mop of hair bounced as she sat up in his arms, she nodded, “We saw puppies! An’ we went on a train ride!” She turned to face Kate, “Fanks, for takin’ me to see puppies!”

“Oi! What about seeing your big bruv?” he teased, tickling her under her arms.

Kate’s smile was radiant, “Oh Miss Daisy, it was my pleasure.” Her attention turned back to Eggsy, “I’m sure Merlin has given you the rest of the day off, right?”

He nodded and moved Daisy around till she rested on his hip. The little girl looked back up at Kate, “You wanna get ice cream wiv us? Eggy knows the best ice creams.”

Kate’s smiled wistfully, “That is so very sweet of you, Daisy, maybe next time?”

The words were out of Eggsy’s mouth before he had a chance to understand them, “We’d love to have you join us, wouldn’t we, flower?” For a split second, Eggsy had been certain that the panicked and perplexed look on Kate’s face, matched his own expression.

Kate looked at Eggsy carefully, “Are you certain?”

In for a penny, in for a pound and all that.

“Of course,” he said pleasantly while his sister cheered and hugged him again.

 

\----

 

Peyton and Byrne Ice Cream Parlour was like something out of a movie. It had old world style but with a modern flare. The past few times Eggsy had taken Daisy to the parlour, she’d been incredibly quiet and whispered when she wanted to talk. Eggsy was pretty sure it was due to the fact that his lovely sister had never been in a place as posh looking as Peyton and Byrne.

Even though they’d been before, Daisy still had her face pressed up against the display case, her eyes darting from one flavour to the next. Eggsy crouched down beside her, “What are you gonna have this time, love?”

Daisy’s breath fogged up the glass, “Toffee banana! Toffee banana!”

Eggsy chuckled and hoisted her up onto his hip again and turned to face an overwhelmed looking Kate, “And what are you gonna have?”

Kate bit her lip as she studied the menu, “I think I’ll have the “Kew Mess”, it sounds like an Eton mess and I haven’t had one of those in years!” She looked back at him and smiled nervously, “Thank you again for inviting me, I so rarely get to leave the mansion.”

“That’s cos you gots all those puppies,” Daisy said casually, looking over at the doughnut displays.

Both Kate and Eggsy laughed, “Quite right Miss Daisy, it’s hard to leave them when they’re all so cute. I’m sure your big brother has the same problems with you!”

Daisy stared at Eggsy, “Am I cute?”

“Oh my flower,” Eggsy sighed dramatically, “You are so cute I think I may just snuggle you forever!” He dove in and started to pepper her face and her shoulders in loud kisses. Daisy’s snort and shrill squeal made Eggsy laugh even harder as she tried to worm her way out of his arms.

A very stern look from the cashier behind the counter caused Eggsy to straighten up a bit, “Right, um, sorry bout that.” The cashier just stared at him. “Anyways, the lovely lady behind me will have the Kew Mess, I’ll have a malted chocolate milkshake and wee miss here will have a kids banana toffee cone.”

The cashier rang up their order and before Eggsy could maneuver his wallet out of his pants pocket, Kate had already stepped forward and handed over some cash. When he stared at her, she simply smiled and said, “You managed to get me away from work, this is my treat.”

Eggsy turned to Daisy, “Now what do we say to Kate for buying us ice cream?” he prompted in a faux serious voice.

“We say fanks you.”

“Good girl,” he said happily, laying a single kiss on her head.

 

\-----

 

They were about halfway through their respective desserts and everything had been going so well. So naturally, that was the time for Daisy to damper the mood.

She licked at her cone and then at her hand when the ice cream started to drip down. “Eggy?”

“Yes, love?”

“If you fink I’m cute an want to snuggle me forever, how comes you don’t live wiv us in the new house?”

Eggsy’s jaw nearly hit the table. _Fuck. Fucking fuck._ He chanced a glance over at Kate and his heart sank as she schooled her expression from total surprise to a faint, inscrutable grimace. There was no delicate way to say, _“Well love, I happen to be living in Kate’s dead husband’s house because I’m still so madly in love with him and can’t stand the thought of living in a place he hasn’t lived in first.”_

“I believe it’s because he works so hard, Miss Daisy. I bet your big brother wouldn’t want to wake you up if he came in very late, right?” Kate asked innocently.

Daisy appeared to think about it and nodded, she looked up at Eggsy, “It’s okay, you know. I sleep wiv my music nightlight on an I can’t hear anyfing else.”

“Well, I will keep note of that, my flower, thank you.” He smiled awkwardly at her and then briefly looked up at Kate, only to see the older woman poking at her ice cream. Now there was no way Kate didn't have some suspicions about why he was still living at Harry’s. _Fucking hell._

Eggsy thanked any god who would listen when Kate made no mention of it again for the rest of their afternoon. 

But her mood had certainly changed and if it hadn't have been for Daisy, Eggsy was sure Kate would've left the instant they were done their desserts. But, Daisy had wanted to show Kate the toy store Eggsy had promised to take her to and being the generous and disgustingly kind woman Kate was, she agreed to all of Daisy's requests.

Watching them both walk around the toy store hand in hand, made Eggsy feel uneasy. Sure, Daisy had met Merlin and just about every other knight, but none of them (with the exception of Roxy) had had a personal relationship with the little girl. Kate was surprisingly good with kids. Eggsy had assumed that because of her naturally quiet demeanour and introverted nature, that someone as loud and proud as Daisy, would be terrifying. But lo and behold, Daisy and Kate took to each other instantly.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, he stopped in the Lego aisle while Daisy showed Kate the pirate ship she wanted, Eggsy reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

 **_Roxy:_ ** _How'd ice cream go? Did she get chocolate sauce on your trousers again?_

 **_Eggsy:_ ** _Oh ha ha, no she was surprisingly tidy today. But we weren't alone._

Eggsy snapped a quick picture of Kate and Daisy looking at the back of the Lego box. Roxy's reply was instantaneous.

 **_R:_ ** _Oh my god. Eggsy. What the fuck is Kate doing there?!_

 **_E:_ ** _Daisy invited her. And I know I told Morgana that I was going to try to be more friendly with Kate, but like, fuck sakes, Rox. Daisy practically loves her now. This isn't what I had in mind._

 **_R:_ ** _Why on earth did she agree? Did Daisy do that sad puppy face?_

 **_E:_ ** _I think it's just because Kate is the nicest fucking person alive and I feel like a dick for hating her for it._

 **_R:_ ** _Well for christ's sake, don't say that out loud. You could break her delicate constitution. :)_

Eggsy chuckled to himself and looked up at Kate and Daisy, who now had a spaceship box in their hands.

 **_E:_ ** _Piss off! I won’t make fun of her_

 **_R:_ ** _Yet. Just wait till she’s gone and we can joke about all the cardigans she must knit when she’s not smothered under all the paperwork Merlin has given her. Preferably with some wine, if you’re amenable. Go on, you know you want to. :P_

Eggsy looked up from his phone and stifled a giggle at the cream coloured cardigan Kate was wearing.

 **_E:_ ** _When I’m finally done with Morgana and Kate has gone off to wherever she was before, only THEN will I joke about it. She’s too fucking nice, Rox. It makes me feel bad._

 **_R:_ ** _That’s probably because for some unknown reason, you’ve decided to befriend her. I doubt Morgana had suggested THAT._

 **_E:_ ** _Yeah, that whole thing came out of nowhere. I won’t lie Rox, I don’t know why I keep letting her in._

 **_R:_ ** _It’s probably because she’s a tie back to Harry. Which sucks but, well, here we are._

 

_Fuck. Here we are indeed._

 

 

\------

 

Much later, after Eggsy had finished tucking Daisy into bed, his glasses beeped for the second time that day. He’d put them on as he left Daisy’s room, “What is it, Merlin?” he whispered loudly.

“Is Kate still with you?”

Eggsy let the relief of his answer in the negative wash over him. “No mate, haven’t been together in hours.”

“Shit.”

Merlin’s tone made Eggsy stand up a bit straighter. He jogged down the carpeted stairs and walked into the kitchen, “What is it? What happened?”

Merlin sighed loudly and Eggsy could just imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose. “Where did you last see her, Eggsy?”

“Um, we was at the Royal Botanical Gardens and we took separate cabs home. But that was like, hours ago.”

“Damnú air.” Merlin's cursing caused Eggsy’s heart to race; the man had never sounded panicked like this and he sure as hell almost never swore in Gaelic.

“Oh god, Merlin, what’s wrong?!”

Merlin’s responding deep breath didn’t help Eggsy’s over active imagination.

“Kate has gone AWOL, Eggsy.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And CLIFFHANGER! 
> 
> Just in case you didn't know, AWOL is a military term for "Absent Without Official Leave". In the UK it's just AWL, but I figured the US version was more recognisable.


	7. Sledgehammer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody is put to work to find Kate.  
> Emotions run high and Eggsy is his own worst enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait on this one! Over a month? YIKES!
> 
> But I hope this makes up for it!
> 
> The song used is Sledgehammer by Rihanna; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXhIT4MpRis  
> And my headcannon person for Bors is Tom Hardy (no shame, that man can fill out a suit)

_“Kate’s gone AWOL, Eggsy.”_

The phone nearly dropped out of Eggsy’s hand, his brain felt like it had wiped itself clean in an instant. God, he had been the last person to see her alive. Oh god, he was going to get blamed for her disappearance.

“Eggsy!” Merlin barked, impatiently.

“What?!” he barked right back even though there wasn’t any real anger behind it.

“You watch your fucking tone, Unwin,” Merlin no longer sounded panicked but genuinely angry at him, “You need to come into HQ immediately, I’ve dispatched a cab to your mum’s house. I expect you to be in it.”

The line clicked off.

It wasn’t until there was a gentle hand on his shoulder, that he realized he hadn’t let his hand fall from its position holding the phone to his ear.

“Eggsy? Love?” his mum whispered, her eyes barely open. She’d obviously been sleeping and had been woken up by something.

The something happened to be a Kingsman cabdriver standing in their foyer, and he looked cross, “Mr. Unwin, we need to go.”

Eggsy turned to his mum and just stared at her, but no words came out of his mouth.

“You need to go love, it seems important.” She nodded to the angry-looking cab driver, “We’ll see you for Sunday dinner, yeah?”

He nodded wordlessly and walked slowly to the front door being held open for him.

The cabbie circled behind him to open the cab door, “We really shouldn’t have kept Merlin waiting, Sir,” the casual tone of his voice rang false in Eggsy’s ears.

“Yeah,” Eggsy muttered, slouching down in the seat. He was fucked. That was all there was to it. Merlin’s friendship with Kate was much stronger than his friendship with Eggsy. Of course, he was going to get in shit for this. Merlin knew Eggsy’s dirty secret. He groaned and turned his body to face the window and London’s nightlife. This was not how he wanted Kate to leave Kingsman.

 

\--------

 

Once he stepped foot in HQ, everything seemed to slow down, but at least Roxy was by his side immediately.

“Eggsy, oh god, you’re so pale,” she guided him over to the couch in Merlin’s office, “come on, sit down, love.” Her arms wrapped around him briefly and then settled on his hands, on his lap, “We’ll find her, Eggsy. It’ll be okay. She can’t have gotten far.”

Merlin didn’t even turn around from his position at his desk, “Thank you for joining us, Eggsy,” he said sarcastically.

“Merlin,” Roxy chastised immediately, glaring at the older man, “That’s a low blow. Eggsy doesn’t need that right now.”

The tech wizard sighed, “Christ, sorry.” He turned around to face them, “I’m just stressed.” His hands smoothed over his head and rested against his neck, “Eggsy, I’d like to think you’d understand the severity of the situation; she should’ve checked in nearly 8 hours ago,” Merlin looked over at Roxy, “And I’m sorry to have snapped at you over the phone.”

“It’s my fault,” Eggsy said weakly.

Merlin walked over to the couch and crouched down in front of it, “How is it your fault, lad?”

Eggsy glanced up at Roxy but focussed on her cheeks, “I think she knows.”

“Kate?” Roxy asked in confusion, “What does she know, Eggsy?”

He took a shallow breath, “I think she knows how I feel about Harry.” Eggsy’s eyes looked over at Merlin’s surprisingly blank face.

“I didn’t say anything, Eggsy,” Merlin said quietly, resting his hand on Eggsy’s knee.

“Daisy did.”

Roxy scoffed, “How could Daisy know about Harry?”

“Well, she didn’t, but like, she told Kate I wasn’t living with them. And I just watched the puzzle pieces fall into place for Kate. She shut down, like instantly. She really only talked to Daisy after that and I just didn’t even try to fix it. Couldn’t fix it without confirming everything she was thinking. Fuck,” his voice broke and he curled into Roxy’s form, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall.

For the first time in his life, Eggsy heard Merlin start to say something but then just trail off into a drawn out “uhhhh”.

Merlin eventually found his words, “I can’t imagine _that_ would send Kate away, Eggsy. What was she like when you said goodbye?”

Eggsy wiped his eyes with his sleeve and swallowed loudly, “It was fine, she got a kiss from Daisy and went to get into the cab,” he thought about watching her leave again, “I think she got a phone call though, I heard it go off and she must’ve answered it as she got into the cab.”

“What about her Kingsman-issued phone, Merlin? We could see who called her!”

“I can’t believe I’d forgotten that she even had one, excellent idea, Lancelot,” he nodded at Roxy. He walked over to his desk and started bringing up call records for Kate’s phone, “Fuck.”

“What is it?”

“There’s nothing on here from this afternoon.”

Roxy looked confused, “Would she have a different phone? Wait, why would she have two?”

Merlin chuckled dryly, “I’ll be honest, I’ve known Kate for well over a decade and I stopped trying to figure her out rather early on.”

“Maybe she has a work phone from that University she works at sometimes?” Eggsy piped up, staring at the floor.

Both Merlin and Roxy shrugged, “That is possible,” Merlin agreed, “But even if that was the case, she always checks in with me. She’s barely left the mansion for months.”

Eggsy sighed, “Except today. With me.”

Merlin cocked an eyebrow, “Now enlighten me, Eggsy. Why do you seem so hell bent on incriminating yourself here? No one thinks you’ve done anything wrong.” He crossed his arms against his chest and stared down at the younger man.

“Everyone has known Kate a lot longer than they’ve known me and I know some of the knights still aren’t cool with me being around, especially when I’m not official yet.” He slouched back against the couch and he looked up at Merlin defensively, “It’s only a matter of time, mate. Sooner or later people are gonna start to question the chav,” he pointed at Merlin and stopped the man’s attempt to speak, “And no, you don’t get to tell me that’s not what Kingsman is like. We both know that’d be bullshit. We wouldn’t be Arthur-less if it wasn’t like that,” he finished thickly.

“I can’t argue with that.”

“Exactly. Now let me feel guilty till she gets back and clarifies that I had nothing to do with it.”

Merlin’s office door opened, Percival and Bors walked in and stopped in their tracks. It looked as if they could sense the tension in the room, “Um,” Bors started quietly, “Sorry to intrude, but we just wanted you to know we can’t find her driver either.”

Eggsy’s jaw hit the floor, “Her driver is missing too?!”

Bors nodded and shrugged, “We looked everywhere for them but we’re going to head to the Heathrow, just in case.”

“We thought we should check in first though,” Percival said calmly.

“I’ll look into CCTV footage as well, thank you, Percival, and you too Bors. I’ll expect to hear from you by 23:00 hours.”

Both men nodded and left the room in a hurry.

Merlin turned to face the pair of agents on the couch, “Go get your laptops and bring them back here, I’ll set you each up with a section of the city to go through.”

Eggsy and Roxy nodded and left the tech wizard’s office. Eggsy followed Roxy to her office, as he hadn’t been given his own yet. She had graciously offered up half of her desk, but Eggsy declined and took up residence on her couch, using the coffee table as his desk.

Roxy unplugged her laptop cord from the wall and started to wrap it around the computer, “You do realize that Kate finding out how you feel about Harry wouldn’t have made her go AWOL, right? It seems a bit drastic and if we know anything about her, it’s that drastic isn’t even in her vocabulary.”

He scoffed, “Yeah, well, I would’ve thought going AWOL wasn’t in her vocabulary either, but here we are.”

“It’s bound to be a misunderstanding. I’m sure of it.”

“While I appreciate your optimism, Rox, I can’t see it working out so cleanly. She was too much of a secret to be a target for any of Harry’s enemies and even then, they’re probably too busy trying to rebuild their criminal empires after V-Day. I have no idea what could’ve happened.”

Roxy raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “For someone who had no desire to be in the same room as the woman, I’m slightly surprised you’re finding ways to defend her honour.” She held open the door for Eggsy as he fumbled with his laptop cord.

“I’m just trying to do right by Harry. It’s what he would’ve expected of me,” he grumbled, completely forgoing neatly wrapping up the cord and instead clutching it in his fist. He ignored Roxy’s telling silence as they walked back to Merlin’s office.

 

\-----

 

Eggsy shut his eyes tightly, hoping to stop the ache from looking at a screen for so long, and to get some moisture on them. They were so dry that they were incredibly itchy, he rubbed them sleepily, opening one eye to check on Roxy.

She wasn’t in much better shape, about an hour ago she’d had to switch from her contacts to her rarely worn glasses. Eggsy had been too tired back at that point, to truly make fun of how massive they were. Roxy had smacked him in the shoulder anyways, citing that Merlin hadn’t repaired her Kingsman issued ones yet, so she was left to wear her old pre-Kingsman pair.

Merlin had made one of his minions make them each an espresso but even with a massive burst of caffeine (What’s in this, Merlin? Cocaine?!), Eggsy was still fading fast. He yawned loudly and flicked through to another camera view. He’d been watching the footage around the Royal Botanical Gardens for hours, both before they’d shown up and after. Nothing was out of the ordinary but he confirmed his suspicions that Kate had taken a phone call before she got into the cab.

But the fact that there was no record of the phone call, didn’t sit well with anyone in the room. Merlin was less than pleased at the other fact that the driver had disabled the location services gps in the cab. It was supposed to be impossible to do, yet the driver had done it between Great West Road and the M4. There were several places the cab could’ve gone once it hit the M4, it could’ve headed back right into the heart of London, or it could’ve gone to Heathrow.

Percival and Bors had checked in before Merlin’s time limit, but had nothing to show of it. Even Eggsy’s CCTV footage had nothing to show of a Kingsman cab showing up and dropping Kate off at the airport. An uneasy feeling was starting to settle in Eggsy’s stomach. So far, there wasn’t a single obvious answer as to what had happened and with Kate’s driver having gone missing as well, Eggsy could see Roxy’s optimism fade away.

Merlin groaned deeply and sat back in his chair, Eggsy paused his footage and turned to look at the older man.

“Eggsy, you and Lancelot should go get some rest. I’ll have Gawain and Lamorak take over for the time being,” he nodded at the door, expecting them both to leave.

Eggsy shook his head, “I need to be here, Merlin. I can’t just go have a kip on the sofa.”

Merlin’s exhausted glare wasn’t taking any arguments, “You’re of more use to the organization after you’ve had some sleep. You both-” he nodded at Roxy sternly, “-are not allowed back in here for the next six hours. Understood?”

Roxy stood and grabbed Eggsy’s arm, hauling him up begrudgingly. He huffed and shuffled towards the door, “I wanna know if something happens, okay?”

“Of course, Eggsy. Now go get some sleep.”

 

\-----

 

Apparently, having an insanely emotional day meant that six hours of sleep wasn’t nearly enough. Eggsy woke up to Roxy prodding his arm none too gently.

“Wha?” he said groggily, rubbing his crusted over eyes. He felt hungover, his head hurt, his joints ached, just how fucking long had he been asleep?

“Just over fourteen hours,” Roxy supplied helpfully, obviously sensing his confusion.

He glared at the open windows, why was the sun setting at that time in the afternoon? Evening? _Jesus, what time was it?_

“It’s half six, Eggsy,” she smiled, her hand rubbing his arm softly, “Now get the fuck up so Merlin can stop whinging about you sleeping the day away.”

Eggsy groaned as he stretched his muscles, in an attempt to sit up, “Has he even gotten any sleep?”

Roxy sighed exasperatedly, “Yes, but only after I caught him sleeping with his eyes open.”

“Creepy,” Eggsy grinned.

“Legit,” Roxy nodded slowly, as if replaying the image in her head. “Come on, let’s head back down and relieve the others.”

He stood up and swayed a little, resting his hand on Roxy’s shoulder, “I could really use a shower,” he sniffed at himself.

Roxy made a face, “Maybe just go wash down with a flannel or something? I’ll meet you down in Merlin’s office.”

“Cheers, mate,” he nodded and started to unbutton his wrinkled shirt. He took it off and winced at the smell that wafted in his general direction. _Merlin would have sent you back up anyways, smelling the way you do._

Eggsy wandered into the bathroom and started to scrub himself down quickly. Thankfully, each of the Kingsman rooms were all well stocked so he wasn’t worried about not smelling fresh. A quick wash down, a shave with a store bought razor (no time for a straight razor shave), fresh clothes and a splash of cologne and Eggsy made his way down to Merlin’s office.

Only to be instantly panicked at the fact that it was empty. His eyes darted around the room, everything was exactly the same as it was when he'd left, all the screens still showed CCTV footage and there were coffee and tea cups scattered everywhere. Eggsy walked over to Merlin’s desk and stared at the screen.

It was a map of London and  a single red dot beeped along the screen, as if it was travelling. He looked closely at the map, the vehicle was travelling towards HQ. He looked to the sidebar and his heart skipped a beat.

The vehicle had been confirmed as the cab Kate had left in.

The driver’s thumbprint matched the one of the driver who’d gone missing.

The weight of the vehicle suggested that the driver wasn’t alone.

Eggsy squinted at the screen, he worked the numbers in his head and his eyes widened.

The driver wasn’t alone and there were two passengers.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I sorry about all the cliffhanger endings?
> 
> No. But I am sorry for making you wait for them!
> 
> **After finishing this chapter, I just dove into writing the next one. So the wait won't be as long, I promise!


	8. Time for Miracles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Eggsy isn't as okay as he thought he was. And maybe having that realization in front of his co-workers isn't the best idea he's ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this one is Time For Miracles by Adam Lambert https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkIi-xb-N90
> 
> It always threatens to make me burst into tears
> 
> And just in case I haven't mentioned it, Tom Hardy is my ideal Bors :)

Eggsy rushed over to the window that overlooked the Kingsman vehicle hangar. His eyes searched for Merlin and Roxy; for the first time in forever, the hangar had been surprisingly barren. His gaze drifted up as he saw the huge main door start to open. Only then did he see the forms of Merlin, Roxy and two other knights.

He turned quickly, nearly tripping over all the cords from the laptops and equipment. With one last glance at the screen and the red dot, Eggsy knew that vehicle would be there in fifteen minutes. Eggsy bolted from Merlin’s office, his Oxfords squeaking as he took sharp corners on the way down to the entrance to the hangar. He tried to shove open the doors, only to find them locked and his momentum pushed him back onto the floor. Eggsy stood up and started pounding his fists against the metal doors, “Let me in! Jesus fuck, Merlin! OPEN THE FUCKING DOORS!!!”

His heart raced as he kept beating his fists and eventually shoulders against the doors. If Kate was gonna come out of that cab, he needed to see it with his own eyes. They couldn’t keep him away from her. “MERLIN!” he screamed, resting his head against the cool metal of the doors, he needed to see her. He needed to know she was okay.

He just needed to know he wasn’t to blame.

The doors finally clicked open, but as soon as he tried to go in, he was stopped by Roxy, “Rox, come on, let me through!”

Roxy shook her head, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Eggsy,” she said quietly, her voice betraying the stern tone she was no doubt supposed to take with him.

Eggsy glared at her, “Why the fuck wouldn’t it be a good idea?” he hissed angrily.

She looked behind her, no doubt at Merlin and then turned back to him, “If Kate is in that vehicle, Eggsy, she isn’t alone.”

“Yeah, I figured that out already, I saw Merlin’s screen,” he said coolly, crossing his arms over his chest, “Now are you going to let me in or am I going to have to make you?”

Even in a serious moment like that, Roxy couldn’t help but smirk, “Right, and who has kicked your arse more times that you’d like to admit?”

Eggsy rolled his eyes, “Just let me in Rox. I need to know,” he pleaded softly. “I’ll deal with Merlin myself if I have to.”

“Behave,” Roxy warned, stepping aside to let him in, “We don’t know what to expect and you need to be able to keep a level head about this, okay?”

He nodded, shutting the doors behind him. Even though Merlin was far away, Eggsy could feel the man’s heated glare. He hated that people who normally trusted him, didn’t in that moment. Eggsy raised his chin slightly and glared right back at Merlin. He was a damn fine spy and if Merlin wanted proof that he could be level headed in an intense emotional situation, well he was about to fucking get it. He sauntered up to the semicircle of Merlin, Roxy, Percival and Bors, he nodded politely at the other two agents and smugly raised an eyebrow at Merlin.

Merlin leaned over to whisper something to Roxy, who then leaned right back and whispered harshly in return. He directed his gaze to Eggsy, “I take it my office door didn’t lock?”

Eggsy couldn’t help the huff of laughter that came from his mouth, “Even if it was, you think that would stop me?”

“Eggsy!” Roxy hissed, “What did I tell you?”

He looked out through the open hangar door and sighed, all angry smugness having disappeared,” You said to behave,” he muttered. Eggsy looked back up at Merlin, “I just need to see her okay? I just need to know she’s alright.”

The fight dissipated from Merlin’s eyes, “I know. But, we don’t know what to expect, so please try not to react immediately.”

“Reign it in, got it,” he winked, smiling softly at a disgruntled looking Roxy.

The sun had set awhile ago and as much as Eggsy loved Fall, he hated how very little daylight they got. The air was cool and it was quiet. One of the many joys of having HQ away from the city was how very little light pollution there was, Eggsy and Roxy had spent many nights staring up at the stars, recovering from their work.

No one said much of anything, Eggsy shuffled his feet nervously, he tried hard not to dwell on the fact that his co-workers didn’t think he could handle himself. He wasn’t going to like, throw himself at Kate’s feet, crying and apologizing. That’s never who he’d been. He sighed, he was just excited to have all this bullshit behind him, have Kate go home (on her terms) and get on with his life. He’d made so much progress and he’d be damned if this one incident threw him for a loop. Fuck that.

A sudden flash of headlights brought everyone’s attention to the road leading to the hangar door. Everyone but Eggsy had their hands on their respective guns, still hidden but easily accessible. The cab drove into the hangar and stopped a few feet from the knights and Merlin.

Merlin raised his gun, “Out of the vehicle please, hands up!” he ordered, nodding to the driver’s side first.

Eggsy instantly recognized the driver as one he’d had in the past, David. David looked stoic but the shake of his hands gave away how nervous he was. He stepped away from the cab and stood off to the side, Percival walked over and frisked him, nodding at Merlin when he was found clean.

“Next!” Merlin ordered, gesturing to the other side of the vehicle.

The door opened and Eggsy felt the collective sigh of relief as Kate’s head popped up behind the sleek black door. Her hands were raised and she looked as she always did, but just a little exhausted and she was already incredibly apologetic.

“I’m so sorry-” she started but Merlin cut her off.

“You can speak once we’re done. Bors!” he nodded to the other agent to go and frisk Kate.

Both Merlin and Roxy hadn’t put their guns down, Merlin’s was still aimed at Kate, and Roxy’s was set back on the driver’s side of the vehicle. Bors nodded at Merlin and stood next to Kate.

“You’re not alone, are you?” Merlin questioned her.

Kate shook her head, “May I speak?”

Merlin nodded.

“That’s one of the reasons I wanted to apologize, Merlin. I should’ve never have left without saying anything. But the past twenty eight hours have been very important. I swear.”

Eggsy found his mouth moving before he knew what he was doing, “What the hell could’ve been so important that you left like that?! I was fucking worried about you, Kate!”

Everyone looked at Eggsy in surprise, he glared at them and focussed on her again, “I can think of like maybe one thing that would’ve made it okay, and, and-” his emotions were starting to push through his barriers, he felt the urge to cry but he carried on, “- and unless you’re a fucking necromancer and brought Harry back from the dead, I think you can fuck right off with your apologies!” he spat out angrily.

“Eggsy! For fuck sakes!” Roxy groaned.

“No!” Eggsy swatted away at anyone who tried to get close to him, “I’ve been so fucking good around you,” he glared at Kate, “and I spent the past however long thinking it was my fault that you left and you come back with just an apology? No. Fuck that.” He took a few steps toward the vehicle and levelled a glare at Merlin who looked like he was going to try and stop him from going any further, “I fucking dare you,” Eggsy uttered icily.

Merlin’s eyes widened and he took a step back, “Think about this. Think about the consequences, Eggsy.”

A humourless laugh escaped Eggsy’s mouth, “Oh _okay_ , like that’s brand new to me? You’ve seen my fucking record, Merlin. I can handle the consequences.” He looked back at Kate, “I know you put it together before you fucking left. But regardless of what you’ve been told, I can be a goddamn professional.” He looked back at Merlin and nodded slightly as if to say, _See, I can handle my shit_ .  Merlin didn't look like he believed him. If Eggsy was being honest with himself, he didn’t believe his words either. “I’m pissed at you for leaving and not saying anything, but-” he sighed, “I’m glad you’re back and that you’re not hurt.” He looked up at Kate’s bewildered expression, her hands still raised in the air. The urge to be tough left him immediately, “I’m sorry for shouting, Kate. I’m just… I guess I’m not as okay as I thought I was.” _Fuck, what a time for this kind of revelation._

Kate’s expression softened and she took the few steps to Eggsy and wrapped her arms around him, “It’s okay, I promise. Emotions run high. It’s okay.” Her hands rubbed up and down his back, “Regardless of what you think I’ve put together Eggsy, please know that I, too, am a professional. We’ll get through this.” She pulled back and looked up into his tear-filled eyes, a wide smile started to spread across her face, “But for the record, I’m not a necromancer, I just happened to be in the right place at the right time,” she whispered.

Eggsy stared at her in confusion, ignoring Merlin’s quiet exclamation of “Holy fuck!” behind him. His eyes drifted over the top of the cab and he felt his heart fall to his feet, his eyes widened and the urge to burst into tears was back tenfold. He blinked rapidly, trying to dispel what he was seeing.

He dropped Kate’s arms and ran around to the other side of the cab, staring at the man in front of him.

“Harry?” he whispered, not really believing what he was seeing.

Harry’s responding smirk was all it took for Eggsy to collapse against the older man. Eggsy all but crushed Harry’s body into his. He wasn’t dead. He was real. He was fucking _alive_. A loud sob wrenched itself from Eggsy’s throat as he pushed his face into the crook of Harry’s neck, “You’re really here,” he whispered into Harry’s skin. God, he even smelled like he used to.

Eggsy felt one of Harry’s arms wrap around him and start to pat his back reassuringly, “I’m sorry to have left you the way I did,” Harry whispered in return, into Eggsy’s hair.

He let his grip on Harry lessen, but he couldn’t let go completely. He never wanted to let go. He sniffled and rested his head against Harry’s chest, grinning madly at feeling the man’s heart beat under his skin. “You’re here,” he whispered again, mainly to himself.

Harry tensed up a bit and used his one arm to push Eggsy back slightly, he looked down into Eggsy’s eyes and smiled, “Come along, let’s get out of this bloody hangar. I think we all have a lot to discuss.”

It was only at that moment that Eggsy noticed the eye patch...and then the cane. His eyes widened and he just knew he looked like a lost puppy, “Your eye…?” he stopped himself from letting his hand caress the skin around it.

The smirk returned full force as Harry looked at Merlin, “Well, I was rather hoping that Merlin might want to get into making ocular prosthetics. And I must commend you on your glasses design.”

An incredulous sounding squawk came from Merlin’s mouth and he shook his head as he walked towards Harry, “Only _you_ could survive a point blank shot to the head, you wanker." He stepped in front of Harry and stared at the man in awe, "But Jesus Christ, am I ever happy to see you.”

Eggsy reluctantly stepped away so Merlin could embrace Harry. His heart warmed all over, seeing the two friends reunite. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Harry. He felt like if he blinked, it might turn out to be a cruel dream, but he kept blinking away more tears and Harry kept standing beside him.

Once Merlin stepped aside, Harry looked at Eggsy again, “I’m afraid I can’t stand for too long, do you mind if we make the move to a more comfortable room?”

Eggsy knew Harry was asking everyone, but his eyes only stayed on Eggsy. He nodded happily.

“Do you want me to grab a wheelchair for you, Galahad?” Roxy asked meekly.

“Christ no,” Harry shook his head, “I’ve seen enough of those in the past few months, thank you very much, Lancelot.” He looked down at Eggsy, “As long as Eggsy doesn’t mind me leaning on him till we get to a couch or something, I’m sure I’ll be fine,” he grinned.

Eggsy sidled up beside him and wrapped an arm around his waist, letting the older man rest his free arm over his shoulders. The pressure and the weight of Harry’s arm just brought forth butterflies in Eggsy’s stomach. He’d gotten his wish. Harry was alive and everything had been forgiven.

As they made their way through HQ, Harry leaned over to whisper in Eggsy’s ear, “Thank you for helping me walk. I’m afraid I’ve leaned too heavily on Kate in the past day or so and it has pinched a nerve in her shoulder.”

Eggsy nearly stopped walking, the colour draining from his cheeks. In the rush of seeing the love of his life alive, he had forgotten a very important fact:

Now that Harry was alive, Kate was no longer a widow and he was out of a house. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was VERY nervous about this chapter.... and I know I've put you guys through the ringer, but hey, he's alive!!! That means everything is gonna be happy from here on out, right? 
> 
> RIGHT?!


	9. Brand New Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions are asked, a new side of Harry is on display and Merlin and Kate commiserate with each other about how Harry can't do anything like a normal person. 
> 
> And Eggsy chooses what he does and doesn't want to notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this one is 'Brand New Day' by Sting (the video is weird af): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cA46ZNjrzeY
> 
> And how many times did you swear  
> That you'd never love again?  
> How many lonely, sleepless nights?  
> How many lies, how many fights?  
> And why would you want to  
> Put yourself through all of that again?  
> Love is pain I hear you say  
> Love has a cruel and bitter way of  
> Paying you back for all the faith you ever had in your brain  
> How could it be that what you need the most  
> Can leave you feeling just like a ghost?

They were all sat in one of the lounges in HQ, Roxy, David and Percival on one couch, Kate and Harry on another and Eggsy and Bors in arm chairs. Merlin had refused to sit down, instead choosing to wander about the room; probably not wanting to take his eyes off of Harry. Eggsy still couldn’t tear his eyes from Harry either. Even with all of his training, he couldn’t hide the pure joy in seeing Harry alive and (mostly) well. He also made sure to not look down (more than than that _one bloody time_ ) at Harry and Kate’s interlocked fingers resting on Harry’s thigh.  

Silence settled in the stuffy looking room as Merlin paced around the back of the sofas, “Why didn’t you tell me where you were going?”

Kate sighed heavily and shut her eyes, “Because I didn’t know what I was walking into.” She looked over at Harry, “When the hospital called, I didn’t know what state he was going to be in when I got there and I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.” Her gaze briefly flitted to Eggsy and he felt his cheeks heat up.

She held on to Harry’s hand with both of hers, “And when I got there, I was so bloody relieved to note that, aside from some obvious issues, he was as… as _normal_ as could be,” she smirked lovingly.

Harry scoffed, but then smiled warmly, “As always, darling, you have such a way with words. Thank you for making me sound ridiculous.”

Kate turned to face him, her cheeks pink from sudden indignation, “You _were_ being ridiculous! You had _just_ been released and you used your cane to tip over that cart and then while everyone was distracted, you casually hobbled into that nurses station and stole all of the doctor’s notes and then shoved them into my bag!” She gestured wildly, holding up said bag.

“We can never be too careful. Besides, the notes were mostly rubbish,” he said haughtily.

Scoffing, Kate levelled a glare at him, “Just because you don’t like what they suggested for your rehabilitation, doesn’t mean it’s rubbish. I can almost guarantee that even without those notes, Dr. Belgrave will tell you the exact same thing.”

Eggsy wanted so desperately to smile and chuckle at the bickering couple like everyone else did, but he couldn’t stop watching Kate and Harry. He wasn’t even listening anymore, he just watched them interact with one another, a deep ache settling in his chest. He’d never gotten to see this side of him: Harry the Husband.

Correction: Harry the _Loving_ Husband.

He’d never seen Harry smile this much in his life. Even during the twenty four hour period where he was certain Harry was a little bit drunk, he couldn’t remember him ever smiling like that.

A small laugh from Harry brought Eggsy’s attention back to the present conversation. He tried to ignore the ache in his chest, as it pressed down even further when he saw Harry absentmindedly massage a spot on Kate’s back with his thumb. _Probably where she pulled a muscle. Fuck. Shut up, brain._

“Dr. Belgrave will be here within the hour, I suggest we get you down to Medical soon.” Merlin typed away on his tablet, “Kate, may we see the doctor’s notes, please?”

“Of course,” she said eagerly, reaching beside herself to open her bag. She handed Merlin the obviously crammed in papers, ignoring Harry’s almost audible eye roll.

Eggsy smirked at that. As much as it sucked seeing him with his wife, it was so good to see Harry in good spirits and he’d missed the older man’s sass more than he’d originally thought. His heart skipped a beat when Harry looked away from Kate and Merlin to look at him. Eggsy couldn’t even help the massive grin spreading across his face as Harry grinned at him in return.

Christ, he’d forgotten what it felt like to have Harry’s full attention directed at him. As much as he wanted to look away and be less fucking obvious, he couldn’t. And Harry didn’t look away either, until Kate’s hand rested on his knee.

“It’s late, we ought to get you to medical sooner rather than later, so you can get some rest,” she said gently.

“I’m not sleeping in the medical wing,” he pouted, “I’ve spent months in a hospital bed and have no desire to see one for quite some time.” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked up petulantly at Merlin, “I’m assuming at least one of the rooms is made up on this floor, right?”

Merlin’s gaze fell to Kate for all of a second before he nodded, “Yes, of course,” he hesitated before continuing, “Do you- I mean, we can put you up in Kate’s room if you like?” If Eggsy hadn’t have been looking at Merlin, he would’ve missed the brief almost non-existent look of panic on the tech wizard’s face.

Harry looked over at Kate in confusion, “Why are you staying at the mansion? Why aren’t you at my house?”

Eggsy suddenly felt almost everyone’s attention directed at him, even if they refused to look his way.

“Harry, it just made more sense for me to be here, to help out whenever Merlin needed me. Besides, Eggsy has been making sure that your place is staying tidy in the interim.”

Eggsy blinked rapidly and just stared at Kate. Harry looked over at him with an impossibly fond look in his eyes, “Well thank you, Eggsy. I appreciate your thoughtfulness,” he smiled.

Fighting his blush, Eggsy managed a “You’re welcome” instead of a, “I’ve grief wanked over you in too many places to count.” Harry appeared to accept his mumbled “you’re welcome” and Eggsy exhaled deeply, happy that no further questions were being asked.

 

\------

 

Eggsy was once again happily attached to Harry, as he guided the man down to the medical wing of the mansion. Merlin and Roxy walked ahead of them, whispering cautiously with the occasional peek from Roxy, over her shoulder. Although Eggsy wasn’t paying them much attention, he could still tell when Roxy looked back at him. Without Kate present, (she’d gone to make her room more comfortable for Harry, with Bors for heavy lifting), Eggsy no longer felt the deep pain in his chest. With his arm wrapped around Harry’s waist, and the man’s arm over his shoulder, he felt lighter than air. If he squeezed Harry a bit just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, Harry never said a word.

Merlin said a cautious-sounding “good evening” to someone ahead of them. Eggsy looked at the back of Merlin’s head in confusion, until Morgana stepped around him with an equally perplexed look on her face.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Eggsy. Her lips thinned as her gaze rapidly moved from Eggsy to Harry and back again. “Galahad?” she asked carefully.

Eggsy felt Harry stand up a bit straighter as he traded pleasantries with Morgana, “Yes, Morgana. I’m happy to be back,” he finished proudly, “How are you this evening? You don’t normally work this late, do you?”

Morgana couldn’t wipe the sheer shock off of her face, no matter how many times Eggsy watched her try. “I’m...erm...well, thank you. And not normally, no. But I...had some paperwork I needed to finish and I decided it was best to stay and sort it out before my sessions tomorrow.” Her eyes found Eggsy’s again and the shock quickly turned into concern as she too, remembered that Eggsy was her first appointment the next day. She took a deep breath and smiled weakly at Harry, “I’m very glad to see you back and doing so well, Harry.”

Harry nodded his thanks and Morgana continued to walk away, albeit slightly faster than before. Eggsy groaned internally, he had no idea what she was going to say to him tomorrow. Harry’s return had blown his mind and he hadn’t even had a moment to himself to think something other than, _He’s alive. I love him, he’s forgiven me and he’s really here_. “Fuck,” he muttered quietly.

“What was that?” Harry leaned over to ask, as they continued to make their way to the room Merlin had reserved for Harry.

Eggsy shook his head, “Nothing, sorry.” He looked up at Harry, “Just hard to believe you’re actually here, you know?” A hopelessly in love grin spread out across his face. He didn’t even want to try to reign it in.  

Harry chuckled and squeezed Eggsy’s shoulder, “I am truly here and intend to be for a very long time.”

“Well thank god for that,” Merlin commented drily. He held open the door to the examining room and stood near the foot of the bed, “Don’t think my poor heart could take another shock like that, you wanker.”

“So soon back to being cold and sarcastic, Hamish? I thought I’d at least have another day or so of you being sympathetic and caring,” he teased as he awkwardly propped himself up on the table.

Both Roxy and Eggsy looked at each other in shock, “Hamish?” they said in unison.

Merlin glared at Harry, “ _This_ is why I’m sarcastic, you arse!” He turned to glare venomously at both young agents, “Technically, that name and I are no longer synonymous and I will make sure you regret it, if I find out you’ve told someone or you dare use it in public.”

Eggsy had to give Roxy props on looking genuinely scared but once he started to laugh, her face broke and they leaned against each other, ignoring Merlin’s anger entirely. It felt so weird to laugh like that. It had been far too long since Eggsy had felt this happy and light. He looked over at Harry’s smug expression, made so much more badass by the eyepatch, and laughed even harder.

“He’s not lying,” Harry added, “I used it in public once and I was sent away to what was then the U.S.S.R for a hideously long and dreadful surveillance mission.”

“As I recall, you came back with scurvy, did you not?” Merlin smiled toothily.

Harry shuddered, “Ugh, yes. Please don’t remind me.”

The laughter died down slightly when the door opened and Dr. Belgrave poked his head in, staring open-mouthed at Harry, “I thought you were joking, Merlin.” He stepped forward and shook Harry’s hand, “Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?! Welcome home, old chap!”

Harry smiled, “It’s good to be back.”

Dr. Belgrave cleared his throat and turned around to face everyone else in the room, “Now if you’ll just excuse us for a moment, lady and gentlemen, I need to give Galahad a quick examination.”

“I’m not spending the night in here!” Harry protested as Dr. Belgrave ushered everyone out.

As the door shut, Eggsy could just make out the sounds of Harry being placated.

  


\------

 

Merlin sat down next to Eggsy, “How are you holding up, lad?”

Eggsy looked up from his shoes and smiled brokenly, “He’s alive, Merlin.” His stomach filled with butterflies at the thought, every single time he had it.

“Not to give you a proverbial kick to the bollocks, but he’s still married, Eggs” Roxy said sheepishly, “I know he’s only just come back and it’s bloody wonderful, believe me, but I can’t let you put your heart on the line for someone who’s unavailable.” She looked to Merlin for some sort of support, but Merlin only grunted in response.

“I’m not stupid Rox.”

“Eggsy, _oh god_ I know that! I’m sorry, I just-” she tried to backpedal miserably.

He sighed, “I know he’s unavailable. I know that. And I won’t do anything stupid, I promise, but fuck, let me just look at him as much as I want tonight.” He shrugged his shoulders and looked back down at his shoes. “For so fucking long I thought I’d failed him, and he died being angry with me. But he’s back and-” he looked up at Roxy pleadingly, “-and I didn’t fail him. He’s not angry with me. Just let me bask in this feeling for a little bit longer, okay?”

Roxy sighed and looked over at Merlin.

“You’re Morgana’s morning session, aren’t you?” Merlin asked quietly.

Eggsy nodded, “Don’t worry, I’ll be going.”

Merlin clasped a hand on his shoulder, “You’ll need to get some rest, Eggsy.” As if he could sense Eggsy’s coming objection, he added, “Once we get Harry back upstairs, and settled, you need to go home. Understood?”

Eggsy bit the inside of his cheek to stop from grinning, “Yes, absolutely.”

\-----

 

After a final goodnight hug from Harry (and a stolen final inhale of the man’s scent) and another (more awkward) hug from Kate, Eggsy left the mansion, practically bouncing in the back seat of the cab.

He’d offered to share a cab with Roxy but she declined rather quickly, citing that she ought to stay and make sure that Merlin was going to be okay.

When he got back to his house, or more accurately, Harry's house, he bounded up the stairs and walked straight into the bedroom. A feeling of total glee took over him as he readied himself for bed. He finished brushing his teeth and looked up at his reflection in the mirror.

Sure, he looked tired, but the joy that seemed to radiate out of him, outshining the bags under his eyes. Eggsy let his eyes drift away from his reflection to the robe hanging from the bathroom door.

He hadn't let himself wear it for what felt like ages. Mostly because he was on a mission and had been away from it and he didn’t want to have to answer any awkward questions from whichever handler he’d been given.

But tonight? Tonight he was going to spritz a bit of Harry's cologne on it and wear it to bed. And for the first time in forever, he was going to bed with the knowledge that Harry would wear the robe soon and he was allowed to be happy about that. Because even with Harry having a wife, Eggsy could still have a place in Harry's life as a friend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the lack of an update for SO long! Yikes! But thanks for sticking around!! I adore you all!


	10. River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy meets with Morgana and has more than one uncomfortable conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> River by Bishop Briggs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5jz8xdpR0M)  
>  _Tales of an endless heart_  
>  Cursed is the fool who's willing  
> Can't change the way we are  
> One kiss away from killing __
> 
> _  
> _Sorry about the wait on this one. It's such an emotionally angsty story and it's hard to come back to it sometimes. But I love it so damn much and just need to power through the writer's block!_  
>  _

_Kate slowly walked down the carpeted stairs on her way to the Hall of Predecessors. The name had always sounds too posh but that was Kingsman in a nutshell. Agents rarely set foot in the Hall, either from zero desire to hang on to the past or from too much desire to see a familiar face again. It was also nearly impossible to hear anything down there, it was oppressively silent and calming all at once. She walked down the long hall and stood facing the empty wall where Chester’s portrait once hung; no agent was sad to see the portrait burned shortly after V-Day. The empty wall space reserved for an Arthur awaited it’s newest portrait. She made a face and sincerely hoped they’d be able to choose someone soon, the stress was surely shortening her lifespan._

_Her ears perked up at the sound of muffled footsteps coming down the stairs. She fiddled with the buttons on her cream cardigan and turned to face whomever was joining her. A loud breath of relief fell from her lips when Harry turned the corner, “Oh thank goodness, it’s only you.”_

_Harry smirked casually, “Only me?” He walked towards her carefully, “Surely that must not be the only thought when you see me…”_

_Kate’s eyes fell to his empty hand, “Your cane?” She looked up at him excitedly, “They said you don’t need it?”_

_His hands rested on her shoulders and slowly caressed down till they circled her wrists, “I’ve been given a full physical clearance,” he grinned darkly, squeezing her wrists gently._

_“Oh darling, that’s wonderful!” She let her hands sit on his chest and smiled up at her husband._

_“ Full physical clearance, my love.” _

_Kate caught on to the weight in his words, “Oh!” she blushed rapidly, “Oh, so that means…”_

_Harry leaned in to her and mouthed at her neck, “Exactly.” His hot breath tickled her skin._

_She shuddered and grasped onto his shirt, not giving a damn about wrinkles. It had been far too long since she’d been in her husband’s arms and in this capacity, no less. He backed them up until her back hit the empty wall; she gasped and Harry took the opportunity to reacquaint himself with her mouth. Her fingers slid into the hair at the nape of his neck, clutching madly for any piece of her husband’s skin she could get a hand on._

_His knee easily slid in between her thighs and she took the cue to hitch her leg up around his hips. Harry’s hand slid under her arse and lifted her up even more, using his body weight to pin her to the wall. His other hand caressed the thigh currently attached to his hip, his fingers slipping under the hem of Kate’s skirt, “I’m so glad you’re not in a bloody suit right now,” he exhaled against her cheek._

_They were both glad that the Hall was basically soundproof, as things escalated quite quickly. Before either of them could reign in their emotions, Kate’s underwear hung loosely around her ankle and Harry thrusted madly, like a man starved. Their hands clasped together against the wall, kisses missed and fell upon overheated flesh. Harry licked at Kate’s jaw and she pulled on his barely undone tie to bring his face even closer._

_“Oh god yes…”_

_“My love...I’ve missed you.”_

_“Oh Harry, oh, harder, yes!”_

_Harry’s broken moans chorused with Kate’s, pushed their desire over the edge. Sweat soaked through their disheveled clothing, their chests heaved with the need to take in more air and the obscene sound of flesh on flesh, echoed in the empty room._

_He mouthed at Kate's jaw, trying to convey how much he had missed her, no longer with many words but with the way he gasped her name._

_“Unngh, Kate…oh….fuck...Eggsy….yessss Eggsy!”_

 

 

Eggsy bolted upright in his bed. _What the actual fuck?_   “Christ,” he muttered sadly. He rubbed his face and fell back against the bed, groaning at the sensation of the duvet against his hardened prick. That had been the most graphic Harry-related sex dream he’d ever had. Hearing Harry gasp out his name like that had been...intense. It was like he was there and could feel everything Kate was feeling. _Ugh, Kate..._ His hand pressed against his ribcage, he wished he could still feel Harry’s chest against his own. Except now instead of the shared heat of their bodies, it felt hollow and sore.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and took a deep breath, “You can get through this, Unwin.” His hand accidentally brushed against his erection and he groaned.

_Fuck._

No one needed to know, right? It had felt like forever since he felt anything like this. He pushed away all judgemental thoughts as his hand slipped under the duvet and into his boxer shorts.

  


\-----

After a shower and a scalding, plain cup of tea, Eggsy made his way into the shop, bumping into an incredibly well-dressed Roxy in Fitting Room One. Roxy nudged him playfully once he shut the door but stayed silent until they were in the bullet car.

“How’re you feeling?”

Eggsy hated the hesitancy in her voice but understood why it was there. He shrugged and looked down at her shoes, “I’m okay? Still trying to process lots, I guess.”

Roxy nodded thoughtfully, “That’s fair. You still have a session with Morgana this morning?”

“Yeah, think I might go say ‘morning’ to Harry though.” He could sense Roxy wasn’t a fan of that plan. “I ain’t gonna hang around, Rox. I just want to see him and say ‘hi’, that’s all.”

“I know Eggsy, I know. I just worry, okay?”

“You’re the best, you know that?”

Roxy fiddled with her ruby-coloured cravat, “I’ve never had any doubt,” she smirked.

They parted ways and Eggsy took the stairs two at a time to get up to the private quarters. Each hallway had a tendency to look the same; he avoided thinking about how the plush, red carpet looked like the carpet in his dream and made his pulse quicken. _Stupid dream._ He took a deep breath once he found himself in front of the door to Harry and Kate’s private room. He knocked gently, he figured Kate would already be at the shop so he wouldn’t have to blush madly upon seeing her because of that damn dream.

Except no one answered the door, so he turned and pushed on the handle, letting himself into the room. He’d never actually seen any of the private rooms at HQ before. It could have easily been two to three times larger than the flat he grew up in. There was a desk, covered in papers, a few bookcases, a large lounger of a couch and two large beds. A trolley with now cold breakfast food on it sat next to a small dining table. Eggsy then grimaced at the medical equipment sitting next to what was no doubt Harry’s bed.

The sound of a shower curtain being ripped back, echoed through the suite.

“Harold Llewellyn Hart! Put that razor down!” Kate’s voice rang out from the adjoining bathroom.

Eggsy chastised himself instantly for not realizing the shower was running. He stopped moving mid-step and waited for the conversation to finish.

“I’m perfectly capable of shaving my own damn face!”

“The nurses said they did it for you in the hospital. Put it down!”

Harry scoffed, “It’s only my left hand that shakes!”

A loud exasperated sigh could be heard over the sounds of the shower. “Let’s just say that anyone who has taken a shot to the face, is not allowed to shave themselves until the doctor says so. Am I clear?” Kate’s voice held room for little argument.

The sound of a razor dropping in the sink echoed as Harry muttered in irritation, “Yes, dear.”

The shower curtain slid back into place as Kate loudly complained about already being twenty minutes late.

Harry chuckled smugly, “I’m always late, darling.”

“Like I don’t know that? Like I haven’t been married to you for 11 years?!”

Eggsy panicked, Harry could be leaving that bathroom at any moment and if Eggsy couldn’t will his legs to move, he’d be found out immediately. He quietly tiptoed out of the room and shut the door behind him.

 

\-----

 

Eggsy wandered down to Morgana’s office, trying to shake off the unease that had settled over him entirely. He waited for Morgana to call him in after he’d knocked and he grinned at her as she poured him a cup of tea.

Morgana sighed quietly, “Good morning, Eggsy. How are you feeling today?”

He slumped in the chair and watched her bring the cup towards him, “Well, after the most uncomfortably erotic dream of my life and having to see Harry and Kate bicker like an old married couple, I think I deserve some whisky in that tea, if you got it?”

She looked like she tried not to make a face but still walked over to her desk and opened the bottom drawer, pulling out a half empty decanter of whisky.

“Oh, bless your heart, “Eggsy cooed.

“This is a unique case, Eggsy. I think it’s okay that on Galahad’s genuinely miraculous return, you’re allowed to have a bit of whisky in your tea.”

Eggsy held up his cup and thanked Morgana as she topped off his cuppa. He brought it to his mouth and inhaled deeply, feeling at least ten percent more at ease.

“So,” Morgana sat down, “Where would you like to start?”

Laughing humourlessly, Eggsy shrugged, “Well, my feelings about Kate being here have changed dramatically in the past twenty-four hours.”

“I know this will sound obvious, but in what way have they changed?”

“Well, before all of this, I hated that she even existed. The fact that Harry was married and never mentioned it, cut me deep.” He gestured to her, “But you already knew that.”

Morgana nodded and took a sip of her tea.

“And then we became friendly or whatever the fuck that was.” Eggsy shook his head in bewilderment. “And then she met Daisy and then I got to see a whole other side to her and I hated that too.” He set his cup in his lap and looked at his hands.

“You hated it because you said you’d started to understand what Harry saw in her, right?”

“Yeah...and I didn’t want that. I wanted her to be here for the six months and then piss off so I could live with my delusions about Harry.”

Morgana cleared her throat, “Now Eggsy, we didn’t call the delusions. You were legitimately heartbroken and things didn’t end well between you two. It’s not delusional to want a better ending.”

“Right, okay. Well, I wanted to be left with my _daydreams_ about Harry.” He looked to Morgana and smiled weakly at her nod of approval. He took another sip of his tea and continued, “And then she just left. Right after Daisy all but told her I wasn’t living with them on purpose. And I could just see Kate put it together,” he groaned, “and she said that whatever I thought she put together didn’t actually matter in the long run, but still.”

“When did she tell you that?”

Eggsy sighed, “Right after I freaked out at her when she came back, before I knew Harry was alive.”

“Did she take it well?”

“Of fucking course she did!” He threw up his free hand exasperatedly. “She’s so calm like all the time and forgiving and honestly? That makes me mad too. Why has she been so unfailingly understanding? She doesn’t owe me anything and I spent the first bit being a total asshole to her. No one is that nice.”

Morgana set her teacup aside and looked as though she had to think hard about what she was about to say, “There are people like that, Eggsy. Kate knew you were close to Harry and anybody would’ve expected some backlash from something like a secret wife. I have no doubt that she was simply trying to make things easier for you. You both were grieving and in times like that, it’s almost easier for some people to focus on someone else’s grief.” She sighed deeply and made sure she had Eggsy’s attention, “When my father died, I spent more time trying to keep my mother and sister from falling apart than I did with figuring out my own grief. It wasn’t until months later that I broke down and had to deal with my emotions. Everyone processes heavy stuff like that at their own pace.”

The thought had never occurred to Eggsy that Kate had possibly been putting off her own grief to deal with his. He drained his cup and set it on the table, “Well fuck,” he grimaced, “How do I reconcile my feelings about that with the fact that Harry’s back?”

“It obviously might not be easy. You’ve already witnessed Kate and Harry together as a couple and you’ll have to work on that being your new normal. Do you know how much longer Kate will be here for?”

Eggsy shook his head, “Dunno. She was supposed to be here maybe another month, but who knows now. ‘Cos if my husband came back from the dead, I’d probably want to stick around a bit longer.”

“So, what will happen to the house?”

“I’m sure he’ll wanna move back eventually. Right now he’s pretty much confined to HQ till he gets the okay to leave. He’s probably got a few weeks of physio and tests to go through.”

“And what’s your plan for that time period?”

Shrugging, Eggsy made a noncommittal sort of hand gesture, “Keep working, shamelessly trying to stay close to home. Keeping up with our weekly meetings, probably just trying not to glare at Kate and definitely avoiding an excess of alone time with Harry,” he huffed weakly.

“While it is important that you keep up with your previous routine, I think you should be prepared to spend some time getting to know Harry again.” She held up her hands to placate him, “I know, I know. But Harry has survived something incredibly traumatic and he may want to seek out the comfort of your friendship. And I do realize that that counts as alone time but you can control where and when you get together. Make sure it’s in public, maybe even just keep it to HQ. Avoid spaces like his house and or any sort of private quarters. I’m sure his doctors would be more than okay with you taking him for a walk with JB,” she grinned.

Eggsy had been both welcoming and dreading a response like that. Any chance to spend some time with Harry was good but at the same time, he wasn’t sure he was ready to trust himself. He’d once promised Roxy that he’d never make a move, but god, how he wanted to.

As if reading his mind, Morgana took a stern tone with him, “This isn’t an excuse to do whatever you want, Eggsy. Yes, you can see Harry but you need to make sure that it never conflicts with your work or home life. I’m sure Harry feels more than welcome to come and see you. He’ll no doubt be pestering Merlin to get in touch with other agents as well. He’s bound to seek out other people as well. It’s important that you acknowledge that there is going to be a lot of attention on Harry for awhile and you won’t be the only one he’s seeking to spend some time with.

He nodded, “Yeah, I know.” And he truly did know. It was just admitting that he felt he deserved the most of Harry’s free time was awful. He knew it wasn’t rational either. Harry had been with Kingsman for decades, he was bound to have more friends than just Merlin.

 

\-----

 

Roxy slammed Eggsy into the mat, yet again, “Okay,” she breathed heavily, “You let me win that one, you wanker!” She sat up on her knees and punched him in the arm.

“Did not!” he argued, massaging his arm. He eventually sat up and rested back on his elbows, his chest heaving from exertion.

Roxy had lovingly suggested that they spar, if only to get his mind off of Harry for a bit. They’d been at it for well over an hour and Eggsy was spent. Having to deal with so many emotions and sparring with a talented fighter like Roxy, had just drained him. She’d gotten in so many good hits and he was pretty sure she’d bruised his ribs. He fell back against the mat and groaned, “You totally bruised my ribs, mate.”

She scoffed and wrapped her arms around her knees, “Oh, I barely hit you, you just bruise like a peach,” she teased.

“Well this peach is fucking knackered!” Silence settled in the gym and he drummed a lazy beat against his chest, “I want a shower-”

“- _N_ _eed_ a shower,” Roxy interrupted, pointedly.

“Fuck off!” He took a whiff of himself and sighed, “Fine, I _need_ a shower. Just don’t wanna get up.”

Suddenly, Roxy kicked his foot, causing him to  glare at her till she discreetly nodded to whatever was behind her. Eggsy rolled to his side, internalizing his desire to groan in pain and looked behind Roxy. When he saw Harry and one of the Kingsman physical therapists, Jeffrey, walk into the room, he sat up quickly enough to give himself a head rush. Eggsy tried not to stare at how much weight Harry had lost since the incident with Valentine, the ache in his chest felt deep. When he saw Harry in a suit, he looked fantastic as always, but put Harry in a t-shirt and yoga pants and he didn’t look like the same person. Sure, he was still gorgeous and utterly Harry, but now he looked a bit gaunt. Eggsy immediately felt the urge to feed Harry all the rich foods he could.

They both watched Jeffrey take Harry over the the treadmills and Eggsy could already see how Harry was struggling with his pride. Having to accept help for something he could’ve done on his own eight months prior was obviously not something Harry was used or even remotely liked. Eggsy chuckled quietly when he could _feel_ Harry’s eyeroll at being shown how to operate the treadmill. Jeffrey stood back and let Harry go at his own pace, occasionally making notes on his tablet.

Roxy nudged Eggsy again and guided him towards the showers, “Harry will be at least another twenty minutes, Eggsy. You’ve got time to take that desperately needed shower before you see him.”

“I get it!” he hissed, mock glaring at her. As they walked towards the showers, Eggsy tightened his fist, to stop himself from waving to Harry like the lovesick sod he was.

 

\-----

 

“Dear God, that smells like fish and chips!” Harry exclaimed.

Eggsy grinned, hoisting the bag up and walking into Harry’s room in the Med Bay. The older man looked absolutely forlorn about Eggsy’s food choice.

Harry pouted, “You are a right bastard if you intend to eat that in here.”

Sitting across from Harry in the only other chair in the room, Eggsy grinned, “Well then we can both be right bastards, hey?” He handed one of the containers to a dumbstruck Harry. An undeniable warmth settled in Eggsy’s chest as Harry’s eye lit up like a Christmas tree.

“I’m not allowed to eat this, apparently,” Harry scoffed.

“Since when do you follow the rules? Besides, I made them give you my mushy peas too. Doctors won’t complain about extra veg now, will they?” He winked.

“You sneaky devil,” Harry grinned, opening his container and taking a deep sniff of the wonderful fried goodness within.

Eggsy handed over a fork and a fistful of vinegar, “You really do put a disturbing amount of vinegar on your chips, Harry.”

“You just don’t know how to eat chips properly, young man,” he said haughtily.

He watched Harry struggle with the vinegar packets and nearly jumped up to help him before Harry fully got fed up and ripped them open with his teeth. After the third packet of vinegar had been dumped all over the now soggy chips, Harry looked up at Eggsy, “I can’t thank you enough, Eggsy. The truly vulgar amount of steamed vegetables and boiled chicken I’ve had to eat has been horrendous.” He looked down at his container happily, “I am going to enjoy the _hell_ out of this!”

Both men tucked into their fish and chips with gusto. Eggsy eventually found the will to not get half hard every time Harry moaned around a mouthful of food.

Once Eggsy had packed up their garbage into the original bag, he sat back down in the chair. His curiosity nudged him constantly, he bit his lip, sucking off some of the salt from his meal. He looked up at Harry lounging side saddle on the hospital bed and took a deep breath, _it’s now or never_ …

“Why didn’t you tell me about Kate?”

The question didn’t appear to fluster Harry at all. He casually leaned back on the bed and shrugged, “It honestly didn’t seem important.”

“Didn’t seem important?!” Eggsy croaked, totally confused, “Harry, she’s your wife!”

Harry nodded, “She is and I figured when you won the Lancelot position, you’d probably meet eventually. She’s away on lecture tours often and it never seemed relevant to mention someone you might never actually meet.”

Eggsy slouched back in his chair, reeling slightly from Harry’s words. _Not relevant._ It hadn’t been relevant to tell him about Kate. If he had any further notions that Harry was just hiding his feelings for him, those two words obliterated them. All those moments he thought meant something were suddenly tainted. How could he have let his brain get this carried away? He felt his face heat up and he struggled to look at Harry.

Carefully, Harry asked, “Have I upset you?”

Eggsy brushed off the urge to laugh meanly at that. He clenched his fist on the arm of the chair and slowly unclenched his jaw. He looked up at Harry, “Yeah. Kinda.” There had been no need for emphasis on that last word.

Harry at least had the decency to look apologetic, “I truly am sorry, Eggsy,” he exhaled deeply. “Kate and I have been married for quite some time and honestly, with her schedule mixed with mine, Christ, we barely get to spend any time with each other as it is.” He clasped his hands together on his lap,” And with everything going on during your candidacy...well, I’m ashamed to admit that it may have slipped my mind.”

 _A wife. Having a wife slipped his mind._ Eggsy blinked at him in awe, “No offense, Haz.” he smirked inwardly when Harry winced at the use of that nickname, “but that’s a weak as fuck excuse.”

Surprisingly annoyed, Harry sat up straight, “Regardless of the fact that you consider it weak, it is the truth.”

Eggsy rolled his eyes and got up angrily, “Yeah okay, whatever you need me to believe.” He picked up the bag of take out garbage and walked towards the door. He stopped and turned around to face Harry’s rigid form, still on the bed, “Considering we’re only _just now_ telling each other important stuff about our lives, you should probably know I’m allergic to latex and bullshit. So, please excuse me before I break out into hives.”

With alarming speed, Harry got off of the bed and glared at him. The eyepatch looked much more villainous when Harry was mad. “Believe it or not, Mr. Unwin, spies tend not to be open about their private lives,” he stated bitterly. “And pardon me for holding something back from someone who didn’t even get the goddamn job!”

Eggsy physically recoiled and watched Harry for all of a moment. The older man was breathing heavily and he pinched the bridge of his nose. Tears pricked Eggsy’s eyes and he reluctantly choked down all the cruel things he wanted to say. He would not leave it like last time, even though his body ached to have the last word. He bit the inside of his cheek and glowered at Harry, “I’m going to chalk this up to a bad fucking day for you and I’m going to leave it at that.”

Harry looked at him sadly, “Eggsy, I’m-”

“-Sorry, yeah, whatever,” Eggsy finished for him. “I fucking saved the _world_ while you were gone! You don’t get to throw the Lancelot thing in my face anymore! I’ve damn well earned my right to be here so you can politely fuck off!” He stormed out of the room; that hadn’t ended the way he’d hoped but at least he didn’t say anything truly awful.

 

But also, fuck him.

 

Eggsy grabbed his phone and texted Roxy.

 

 **E:** You free tonight? I need to get the fuck out of here, maybe get shitfaced. We could go dancing?

 **R:** Ugh I wish. Merlin put me on a last minute job in Istanbul. I just got on the plane. Sorry love!

 

Eggsy replied with several lines of sad emoticons. At least focussing on texting Roxy helped him calm down slightly. He took a deep breath and went to find Merlin.

 

He needed a mission.

 

As far away as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original title for this chapter was going to be Sucker for Pain but I heard that River song and it was like there was no other song for this chapter. It's intense and in my mind it was pretty perfect for the first part of this chapter. 
> 
> As always, please let me know what you think (and also if you fell in love with the song the way I did!).
> 
> I appreciate all of you sticking with this story and my shoddy updating skills.


	11. Cuba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy spends some much needed time away from England/Kingsman and comes back to apologies and a new Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a shameless adoration of Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights and this song, Represent Cuba by Orishas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBoqCDSrWi8 is fabulous (however, the video is ridiculous so I'd just listen the the song)
> 
> I figured the tone of the song fit Eggsy's time in Havana, especially the dancing ;)
> 
> I don't know how to do hover text for the Spanish translations but I'll include them at the bottom as well. And my sincerest apologies if they aren't grammatically correct, I used a translation website to help me!

Havana, Cuba, a blessed seven thousand plus kilometres from Harry Hart.

The mission had turned into a nearly month long stay, due to setbacks with the buyer Eggsy was supposed to apprehend. But he wasn’t complaining _at fucking all._

Eggsy lowered the brim of his straw fedora and took a relaxing breath; there was still so much to see, so many bright colours and a delightfully surprising amount of skin on display. Such a pleasant change from dreary, dull London. He’d only been on the beach for about an hour, but he’d been eye-fucked at least half a dozen times. His highest count had been 17 times. He grinned to himself as he finished off his second mojito for the afternoon. He was pretty sure Merlin felt bad for him and if sitting in the sun, on a white sand beach, drinking and thinking about taking someone back to his room for a sweaty evening was how Merlin apologized, Eggsy was prepared to let him apologize often.

He’d found a chair to lounge on and unabashedly let his shirt lay open. Never had he been so grateful that Kingsman kept him in such peak condition. Judging by the looks the bartender was giving him yet again, he wasn’t the only one who was grateful. He pushed up his aviators and shot the bartender a bright smile. The man was fit as fuck, bronzed skin, a jaw you could cut glass with and wavy dark hair. Eggsy thoroughly enjoyed the waistcoat the man was wearing too, because a waist like that should’ve been illegal.

They’d been eye-fucking each other for weeks now and Eggsy finally felt the urge to make a move. They hadn’t really spoken much before, Eggsy had assumed he’d be gone within a week and didn’t feel much up to following through. The wounds left by Harry had been too fresh at that point. But, weeks into the mission and all Eggsy had done was lounge around on the beach, gotten drunk and eaten incredible sandwiches. He wanted more.

Licking his lips, Eggsy pushed himself off the lounger and made his way to the bar. He took off his sunglasses and leaned on the polished wooden counter. He waited patiently until the Adonis bartender turned around, fixing him with a devilish grin. Eggsy slid his empty glass on the counter and nodded towards the concoction the bartender was pouring into a large glass, “Eres muy bueno en esto,” he grinned.

“Gracias, señor,” the man said huskily.

It had been a long arse time since Eggsy had felt this kind of reciprocated heat with someone and he intended to take full advantage, “Cuando terminas?”

“En una hora,” the man smirked, not even hesitating to give Eggsy a once over.

“Cuál es tu nombre?”

The man’s smile got wider, “Orfeo, ¿tú?”

“Sebastian.” Eggsy held out his hand to shake Orfeo’s. A shiver ghosted down his spine when he felt how tightly Orfeo grasped his hand.

“You are British?”

“Is my Spanish that bad?” Eggsy teased.

Orfeo laughed and shook his head, “No, no it's very good. I almost couldn’t place your accent.”

“Oh good!” Eggsy slapped his own chest in mock relief, “I’ll have to thank my tutor!” If the evening went as well as he’d hoped, he’d be buying Roxy a case of the champagne she loved. Eggsy slid a piece of paper from his hotel with the room number on it towards the man. Orfeo picked it up and his eyes widened at the name of the hotel. One of the many perks of being with Kingsman: posh hotels. No doubt the man was expecting Eggsy to be at one of the closer hotels but his handler had been aces and booked him a room at the Saratoga Havana. Five fucking stars.

“The Saratoga?” Orfeo grinned, “Very nice.”

Eggsy nodded, “It is quite lovely, although I can’t help but think my room would look much lovelier with you in it.”

Orfeo’s eyebrows shot up and he smirked, “That was terrible. You can do better.”

Eggsy bit his bottom lip and looked into Orfeo’s deep green eyes, “Go out with me tonight.”

Without breaking eye contact, Orfeo put the slip of paper in his back pocket. “Meet me at Humboldt 52 at seven. We know you can speak our language, but can you dance our dance?” he winked.

Regardless of the heat, Eggsy managed to blush rather quickly, “I have a feeling you’ll be an excellent teacher, I’ll see you at seven.” He blew a kiss across the bar and grinned madly when the look in Orfeo’s eyes darkened.

Eggsy did up a few buttons on his shirt and hailed a cab. He groaned happily when he got into the air conditioned vehicle and gave many thanks to the driver for turning it up a notch. Once he was safely back in his room, his aviators beeped at him, “Yes, Alexi?” he sang sweetly.

“Last time I checked, your mission was to stop the sale of high grade uranium, not get railed over every available surface in Havana.”

“Last time I checked, I was only supposed to be here a few days! Considering I haven’t done anything like this yet seems like a damn miracle if you ask me. And besides, the buyer won’t even be in town till tomorrow evening, there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun now and again.” He stripped off his shirt and looked through his suitcase for something suitable to wear to a club. “Wait, what kind of club is Humboldt 52?”

“It’s a gay bar with...oooo salsa dancing! Are you going to let him teach you how to dance?”

Eggsy laughed, “I ain’t got much choice! It’s for the good of the mission that I get to be pressed up against that rock solid body for a couple hours, don’t you think?”

“As long as you don’t have your glasses going,” she groaned, “I’ve seen enough agent-related sex, thank you very much. The former Lancelot and Percival were like rabbits when they got missions together. I have zero desire to know what your O face looks like.

He walked up to the full length mirror and let his hand slide up his half-covered chest. “I’m sure it would be something like this,” He moaned and let his mouth fall open, his eyebrows scrunched up and he made the most hideous expression.

“Christ sakes!” She laughed heartily, “Well, I have no doubt that you’ll succeed in pulling tonight. Orfeo will be helpless against your sex grimace!”

Eggsy rolled his eyes, “Obviously!” He started to unbutton his shirt and mentally went through his packed wardrobe.

“Eggsy?”

“Oh! Sorry Alexi! I can shut them off now.”

“No, it’s fine...I just…” Alexi sighed, obviously nervous, “It’s just that Merlin asked me to make sure you were okay and like, not just the regular amount. I’m supposed to check in with him directly, several times a day, even though this mission has gone on for a long arse time.”

“Oh fuck. Seriously?” he groaned. He’d thought he’d gotten Alexi because they worked so well together, not because Merlin wanted him to be babysat.

“Yeah, it’s...well, is this mission because of Galahad’s return?”

He shrugged in the mirror so she could see it, “Maybe? Look, he was being a dick and I just got mad and…” his shoulders slumped in defeat, “I just didn’t want to see him and Kate together for awhile. You know?”

“Eggsy Unwin, you are going to make someone incredibly happy some day. You are brilliant and gorgeous and just a bit of a shit and you deserve love.”

Eggsy’s hand immediately fell to his chest, “Aww Alexi! Don’t make me get all soppy and shit!”

“I’m your handler, Eggsy. I’m only ever going to tell you the truth, okay? Now wear that black shiny shirt that I _know_ you packed and pair it with those skinny white khaki’s you bought last week. You are going to make Orfeo _very_ happy that he said yes.”

“You’re the best handler ever, swear down.”

“Go knock ‘em dead, Unwin.”

 

\-----

 

The club was hot, like the damp kind of hot that comes from dozens of bodies pressed up against each other, writhing and swaying around the dance floor. No two people were doing the same dance and with the lights as low as they were, no one really cared.

Eggsy had shamelessly looked up youtube videos on salsa dancing basics before he’d left the hotel. During training, they’d gotten standard ballroom, waltz and foxtrot classes but nothing with the sensuality of the salsa. His mind had wandered, Kate had a dance background, she probably could’ve taught him something, _Oh god, no thank you_. He then imagined Harry teaching him to dance, but quickly shut that down. He was far, far away from Harry and didn’t want to waste another second thinking about what could have been.

But Alexi had been right, Orfeo seemed deeply pleased with what he’d worn to the club, judging by how the man’s hands almost never left Eggsy’s hips. The white, skinny khakis sat just under his hip bones and Orfeo’s thumbs caressed the deep V of his hips or, as Roxy had so lovingly put it one time, his dick shoulders. _“It’s basically what they are, Eggsy!”_ Having Orfeo at his back made it difficult to go in for a kiss, but Eggsy lifted his arm up and rested it around Orfeo’s muscled neck.

The man leaned down and bit at Eggsy’s earlobe, “Your pants are sinful, Sebastian,” he whispered.

Eggsy pushed his arse back into Orfeo’s hips and started to roll them suggestively, “I think you are the sinful one, darling.”

Orfeo groaned and quickly spun Eggsy around so they were face to face, he brushed the tip of his nose against Eggsy’s, “I think we may need to leave soon.” He kissed Eggsy’s nose and then captured his mouth in a heated kiss.

Mind blanking, due to the hard cock pressing into his stomach, Eggsy didn’t answer and just groaned into the kiss, letting his hands fondle Orfeo’s sculpted chest. The man’s shirt was nearly undone completely and all Eggsy wanted to do was ravage the skin so blatantly on display. He pulled back from the kiss and used his hands to push Orfeo towards the door.

 

\-----

 

Eggsy mouthed at the pillow under his head, moans and honest to god giggles falling from his lips. Orfeo kept up a brutal pace that Eggsy had been only all too thrilled about, the entire bed moved with the power of the man’s thrusts. He clutched onto the bedsheets as Orfeo hoisted his hips up even more, taking a hand away from his hips and sliding down Eggsy’s back, firmly pushing him onto the bed.

It had been far too long since Eggsy had had actual sex. Doing it solo for months and months just paled in comparison. Even though his room had air conditioning, he still felt overheated and with the way Orfeo was pounding into him, it was no wonder they were both drenched in sweat. Eggsy felt the sparks of an incredible orgasm start to flicker at the base of his spine. The pillow underneath him was wet with his drool but he literally couldn’t have cared less.

However, he did start to care when Orfeo’s hips stilled, “Wha? Did you finish?” he croaked, lifting his head from the pillow. His knees nearly gave way when he took in the way Orfeo’s hair curled when it got sweaty, the man looked just as fucked out as he probably did.

Orfeo shook his head, still in a bit of a daze, “No, mi amor, your phone,’ he nodded to the bedside table where sure as shit his phone was going off.

“God dammit!” He shouted into the pillow, he reluctantly pushed on Orfeo’s thighs to get him to pull out. “Fuck sakes,” he muttered unhappily. He sat up and tried to ignore the awkward way Orfeo just kind of knelt on the bed, obviously unsure about what to do. Eggsy picked up his phone and swiped to answer, his irritation flowed freely when he spoke, “This had better be fucking important!”

There was silence on the other line and Eggsy cursed himself internally when Kate’s quiet voice piped up.

“Oh god, Eggsy, I’m so sorry! They’d told me your mission objective didn’t actually start till tomorrow! Oh god, you sound out of breath, have I gotten you into trouble?”

Eggsy cast a side glance at Orfeo, the man sat on the edge of the bed, scratching his knee.

“No, no trouble,” he sighed dejectedly, he shot an apologetic look at Orfeo, “Is it something serious, Kate?” Instantly, he regretted saying Kate’s name, Orfeo was bound to think she was his wife. He turned to look at him and couldn’t help frowning at the sad look on Orfeo’s face.

Orfeo got up and started to put on his pants. Eggsy desperately wanted to tell him to stay but knew he couldn’t. Kate wouldn’t have phoned him without good cause. _Fuck sakes_ , “Kate, sorry, give me a second please-” He hit mute and stood up to face a fully dressed Orfeo, “I’m so fucking sorry,” he hissed. “I’m not married, I swear, it’s just my boss!”

Orfeo watched him carefully and sighed, “Maybe another time?” He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of Eggsy’s mouth. Smiling sadly, he nodded his goodbye and left the hotel room.

Eggsy stood, dumbfounded that he’d been moments away from the best orgasm of his whole damn year and now he was alone, cock-soft and irritated beyond belief. He took a deep breath and brought the phone back up to his ear, “Sorry bout that, Kate. What’s going on?”

“Are you sure you’re safe to talk?”

“Yeah,” he grunted, rifling through the bedding to find his robe.

“Well, if you’re able, in a few moments would you be able to holoconference in with your glasses? The Round Table needs to make a decision and we need your input. Normally you would’ve been updated about this issue but you’ve been away for so long and I guess in situations like that, an agent only gets called in the final round of discussions.”

Eggsy grabbed his glasses and sat down on the couch near the window, “What decision is this?”

Kate cleared her throat, “We’re voting on the new Arthur today,” she disclosed.

“A new Arthur?! Jesus! Why did no one tell me sooner?”

There was hesitation on Kate’s end, “If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say it would be because he just assumed you’d be okay with the only candidate.”

Eggsy scoffed, “There’s only one candidate? Why the fuck are we even voting then?”

“Well, if there are enough “Nay” votes, we have to keep looking. But at this point, the meeting seems like just a formality.”

A formality. He had to stop the best sex of his life for a fucking formality. _Christ, this was turning out to be a shitty day._ He sighed loudly, “Alright, let’s do this then.” He was advised that the meeting would start in five minutes and that all he had to do was raise his hand and say ‘Aye’ if he was okay with the choice. He rolled his eyes and stared at the canopy over the bed. He absolutely wouldn’t have had an issue with Orfeo spending the night. His jaw clenched at the harsh reminder of his failed evening.

Suddenly his glasses blipped and he sat up straight, blinking a few times to deal with seeing a holographic version of the round table in his hotel room. He nodded at Percival and Bors and grinned madly when he saw Roxy.

She grinned and mouthed, _You’ve got sex hair!_

Eggsy’s eyes widened and he ran his hands through it, trying to smooth it down.

“Eggsy, if you wouldn’t mind leaving your preening until after we’re done the vote,” Merlin’s infamous deadpan echoed in his ears. Roxy giggled when Eggsy rolled his eyes. Merlin continued on, tapping on his tablet, “We’re mostly all present to vote for a new Arthur. When I say your name, say ‘Aye’ or ‘Nay’. If the total count for either option is over 70%, the vote stands. We will be going alphabetically, Bedivere?”

“Hang on!” Eggsy interrupted, “Who is the candidate?”

Merlin paused for all of a second, before announcing, “Harry is the sole candidate. He passed most of his physical tests but due to the lack of an eye, we both figured he would be better suited to a desk job.  And as his vote as Galahad cannot be counted, you have been chosen as... a wild card, if you will.”

Eggsy tried not to be hurt by the fact that the only reason he was consulted was because Harry couldn’t vote for himself. “Right, well, you might as well carry on then.”

Harry as Arthur. God, he’d have to have so many meetings with him. Maybe he’d make him an actual fucking knight now. Would Kate stick around? He shook the thoughts loose and exhaled, making eye contact with Roxy.

 _Sorry love_ , she mouthed.

Eggsy barely listened to the other actual knights voting. He knew they’d all say yes to Harry. When Merlin said his name, his chest actually ached. But deep down, he knew there’d be no one better as Arthur. Spitefully, he liked the idea of Harry actually having to do all the paperwork he loathed. _Serves him right._ He made eye-contact with Merlin, “Aye.”

 

\------

 

The rest of the mission went quickly. He’d killed the dealer, arrested the buyer, safely stowed away the uranium and avoided the beach where he knew Orfeo worked. After such a shitty ending, he had been sure that Orfeo wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with him again.

He’d gotten back to England and was immediately fawned over by J.B and then Roxy for having an actual, honest to goodness tan. “Even your hair looks more blond!” she said excitedly, running her hands through his thick hair. She sat back on the couch and smiled, “So what was the deal with your sex hair?”

“Fuuuuuck,” Eggsy groaned, throwing his head back, “You won’t believe it, Rox!”

She squirmed with excitement, “Oh, this is gonna be good!”

“So there I was, getting fucked into a hotel mattress by the most gorgeous Cuban man, who took me salsa dancing by the way, and we were so close, sofuckingclose, to finishing and then…..Kate phones.”

Roxy threw up her arms, “No!” she gasped.

“Yes! Fuck my life, Orfeo totally thought she was my wife and that I was cheating and Christ. He pretty much got dressed, kissed me goodbye and left.”

“Holy fuck. That sounds so awkward.”

Eggsy grunted his agreement and scratched behind J.B’s ears. The dog snorted with happiness and sat down heavily in Eggsy’s lap. “I missed you too, bud,” he smiled, dragging his fingers along the dog’s back and then scritching right at his tail.  

“Have you done your mission debrief yet?” Roxy grimaced.

“Ugh, no. I forgot actually.” Eggsy’s head lolled to the side, “Have you had to do one with Harry yet?”

“Yeah, we just debriefed over tea. It was kind of nice. I think he’s going to make a good Arthur.”

They both turned to listen to approaching footsteps. Eggsy nervously chewed on his lip because he’d have recognized that gait anywhere. And apparently so did J.B. The little pug’s tail started to wag frantically and he jumped up off of Eggsy’s lap and ran towards Harry.

Harry chuckled and bent down to pick up Eggsy’s suddenly traitorous dog, “It’s lovely to see you too, J.B!” he cooed, walking further into the room.

Eggsy jolted a little when Harry’s gaze met his. Any residual anger he had had, dissipated instantly. The month they’d spent apart had apparently done wonders for Harry. He’d filled back out and just looked like his old self, give or take an eye patch.

“Lancelot, would you mind giving us the room?” Harry asked politely.

Roxy nodded and patted Eggsy on the knee before she got up and left them alone. This exact moment was one of the ones forbidden by Morgana. Eggsy’s pulse jumped when Harry sat down where Roxy had been sitting. They were now all of two feet away from each other. Harry let J.B go and the dog looked between them and decided to nuzzle up to Harry’s thigh.

“Aww et tu, J.B?” Eggsy joked quietly. The dog snorted in response and shut his eyes.

“I hope you don’t mind that I was the one to look after him while you were away?”

“Not at all.” Eggsy shuffled to face Harry a bit more, “So is this how we’re gonna to do mission debriefs now, Harry... _shit_ , sorry, Arthur?”

“It’s okay, Eggsy. I have to stop myself from cringing every time I hear it. It had such a bad ring to it when it was Chester’s title.” he smiled, “But yes, I’d like more informal meetings like this because the last thing I wanted to do when I was a functioning agent, was sit in Arthur’s office, going through each detail of my assignment.”

Eggsy grinned happily despite himself, “I like this already.”

“And I do need to apologize, Eggsy. The way we left things...wasn’t ideal and you were right in blaming it on a bad day but never should I ever have taken it out on you. You mean far too much for me to treat you like that.”

Who the fuck was he kidding? He’d forgiven Harry the moment he picked up J.B. “It’s alright, mate.”

Harry shook his head, “No, it isn’t. I said something aimed to hurt and it did just that. I know we haven’t gotten to spend a lot of time together and I was starting to worry that you’d have this angry vision of me in your head. That’s not who I am and I will endeavor to make things right between us again, Eggsy.” Harry reached out and grasped Eggsy’s shoulder firmly.

Eggsy took a deep breath, ignoring the fact that Harry only ever seemed to touch him on his fucking shoulder. “I appreciate the apology, Harry.” He fought the blush that so desperately wanted to bloom on his cheeks. _Stop it!_

The older man’s smiled widened and he removed his hand, placing it back on J.B’s head. “I’ve unfortunately had to go around and make a few apologies to others as well. When I’d told Kate what I’d foolishly said to you, she nearly smacked me upside the head, thank goodness for the nurse that stopped her,” he laughed, “And then she promptly looked up anger management articles for me to read. I meditate now, if you can bloody well believe it.”

“Like on a yoga mat in the middle of a sodding field?” Eggsy teased.

Harry rolled his eye, “Not a damn chance in hell. I just do it at my desk whenever I feel the need to shout at someone or burn the paperwork piles that seem to multiply mysteriously.”

“For what it’s worth Harry, I think you’ll make a great Arthur.” He couldn’t stop his heartfelt tone even if he’d wanted to. He had to break eye contact almost immediately before his mouth started to blurt out love confessions. _Change topic, you perv._ “So, you’ll be wanting to move back into your house, I guess?”

He cleared his throat awkwardly and nodded, “Now that I can get around without the use of my cane, I think I would very much like to sleep in my own bed again, maybe say hello to Mr. Pickle,” he smirked.

“J.B. wouldn’t even touch that bathroom. He was scared of it!” Eggsy exclaimed, laughing at the memory of the poor pups expression upon discovering that bathroom.

“Well, we’ll just make sure that door is closed when you come for a visit, won’t we J.B?” Harry scratched under the dog’s collar. “You’re more than welcome to leave him with me when you’re away on a mission. I found that I quite missed having a dog around,” he smiled fondly at the puppy. He looked back up at Eggsy, “And I’m certain Daisy will be quite excited to have you back. Kate spoke so very highly of her, and you for that matter.”

“Me? Really?” Eggsy couldn’t believe it. After all the shit he’d put Kate through, she only told Harry the good stuff. _For fuck sakes_.

“Why do you seem surprised? You are a wonderful young man and an excellent older brother and if I may, you look quite dashing with a tan.”

Bewildered, Eggsy looked down at his bare arms like he didn’t _just_ have Roxy freaking out over his golden skin, “Well, when you’re stuck in a gorgeous place like Havana because your uranium buyer is a twat, you just kind of do what you can.”

“I dare say I wish we had more assignments in warmer climates. The amount of winter wear I own is horrid.” He made a face, “Although I’m more than certain that I would simply shrivel up on a beach rather then get all golden like yourself!”

Eggsy laughed, “You gotta go topless, Harry. You can’t wear a suit on the beach.”

“Well then, I refuse to even consider it,” he smirked.

Companionable silence settled over them. Eggsy let J.B lick his fingers to take away some of his nerves, he tried not to take in the new and improved Harry but couldn’t help himself. “You’re lookin’ a lot better, Harry. Are you feelin’ better too?”

Harry crossed his legs and let his hands drape over his lap, “Much better. Thank you, Eggsy. I’m back up to my ideal weight, my hands don’t shake as much as they used to and I am thankfully cane-free.” He hesitated but then pointed at the eye patch, “Although this thing is basically the reason why I have a damn desk job now,” he confessed. “Merlin refused to let me even try some of the agent qualifying tests because of it,” he pouted.

“Does he have plans to make you a bionic eye or something?”

The older man snorted derisively, “That would cause him extra work and he’s informed me that in no uncertain terms, only if he has spare time, will he try to get into bionics.” Harry fussed with his tie, “Apparently after dealing with Valentine and his biometrics, he’s hesitant to touch that stuff.”

Eggsy frowned, flashing back to the awfulness of V-Day and that damn biometric scanner. So many lives were lost even when Eggsy did everything he could have done to save them. He came out of his trance when he felt Harry’s hand on his knee.

“I’m sorry, Eggsy. I didn’t mean to bring up anything for you.” He patted Eggsy’s knee reassuringly and took his hand back. “From what Merlin told me, you exceeded all expectations on V-Day and became someone that I’m very proud to know. I can guarantee that your father would have been extremely proud as well.” He made pointed eye contact with Eggsy, “I knew I was right about you,” he smiled warmly.

A warmth Eggsy had been trying to ignore for weeks, started to make itself known as it spread rapidly through his chest. He pressed his lips together to stop himself from blurting out all of his soppy, romantic thoughts about Harry. Instead, he felt his eyes start to water and before he could stop him, Harry had reached over and pulled Eggsy into his arms. Eggsy hesitated for all of a moment before he nuzzled into the warmth of Harry’s chest: the crisp white shirt under his fingers and the striped tie bunched up against his nose. He couldn’t get his arms around Harry fully, because of the awkward angle he was at, but they’d happily settled against the man’s chest. It wasn’t until a bark of complaint came from J.B about being smooshed between them, did they pull apart from each other.

Harry’s lips were quirked up into a small smile until he looked down at Eggsy’s hands, still splayed across his chest. He cleared his throat loudly, slouching back as if he didn’t want to have to physically remove Eggsy’s hands himself. “Erm, perhaps...perhaps we should, um-” He stared at Eggsy’s hands until Eggsy became so self-conscious that he yanked them back, as if he’d been burnt.

Eggsy’s original blush had turned red hot with shame. He’d been too obvious. _Fucking fuck.Too goddamn obvious_. He watched helplessly as Harry abruptly stood up, knocking J.B off the couch in the process, the pug barked his dislike of Harry’s movement. Even though Eggsy didn’t hear the normal blip sound the glasses made, he watched Harry press the side of the frame.

“Yes, Merlin?” Harry paused, “Of course, I’ll be right down.” He turned to face Eggsy, his expression looked so falsely apologetic Eggsy wanted to burst into cruel laughter. “I’m so sorry, Eggsy, I need to pop down to see Merlin. We’ll reschedule your mission debrief, okay?”

Dumbfounded, Eggsy nodded. Harry wasted no time in leaving the lounge and Eggsy just stared at the spot where Harry had stood not seconds before. His head fell against his chest and he scrunched his eyes shut. He could no longer trust his body. His hands had lingered on Harry’s chest for what felt like ages and he could still feel Harry’s warmth in his fingertips. He groaned loudly and fell back against the couch, flexing and unflexing his hands.

J.B jumped back up on the couch and snuggled against Eggsy’s thigh. He let one hand rest over the pug’s neck, idly scratching under his collar. “What have I done, J.B?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eres muy bueno en esto = You are very good at this  
> Gracias, señor = Thank you, sir  
> Cuando terminas? = When are you done?  
> En una hora = In an hour  
> Cuál es tu nombre? = What is your name?


	12. And you try to remember that there's no way you could ever be friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy deals with party planning, meeting his best mate's boyfriend and trying not to stick his foot in his mouth constantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title comes from the beautifully heartbreaking song "Daddy" by Emile Sande. It's so angsty and Hartwin-y at the same time. I love it. 
> 
> My unabashed headcannon for Bors is Tom Hardy and Gawain as Idris Elba.

Eggsy strolled down to Merlin’s office with a gift he’d brought back from Cuba. Even though Merlin had no control over how long Eggsy stayed there, he still wanted to thank him. Merlin had given a surprising amount of support over the past year; even though Harry was the tech wizard’s best friend, Merlin understood the delicate balance required to keep Eggsy sane and not crumbling like a scone.

He knocked on the huge metal doors and strolled in anyways. Merlin was hunched over his table with his latest minion David, standing awkwardly off to the side. Neither of the men had noticed him yet and Eggsy’s ears perked up at the phrase “Ring system”

“Ring system?”

Merlin sighed and looked over at Eggsy, his eyes sizing him up, like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to talk about it. He stood up and motioned Eggsy over, “After V-Day, it became very important to have a separate secure backup in case things went awry. We didn’t want to get into biometrics as it would be useless if the person in charge was killed. So we’re working on a ring system. That way the Kingsman archives and roster can be portable, in case of HQ being attacked. And yes-” he held up his hand to stop Eggsy’s incoming question, “-it could be more dangerous to have it be portable, but at this moment in time, the pros immensely outweigh the cons.” He pointed to a screen which had the prototype rings and their features listed. “The first ring contains the entire Kingsman Archive and the second contains the Kingsman Roster, both past and present. We’re trying to add on a security feature that makes the rings useless when separated. It took surprisingly well to the first ring but for some reason the second ring is being a right bastard!” He suddenly shouted, slamming his fist down on the table, causing the rings to bounce up.

David caught them easily, “I’ll just...uh, go work on these elsewhere, shall I?”

Merlin massaged his head and nodded, “Yes please, David. Thank you.” He slouched down in his chair and sighed deeply, “What can I do for you, Eggsy?”

“I can come back another time, bruv,” he said as he hugged the box of cigars loosely. Merlin looked exhausted and waved his hand, brushing away Eggsy’s concern. “Nonsense, I just need to relax a bit, it’s been a stressful time with these bloody rings.”

“No doubt, they seem intricate as fuck.”

Merlin turned in his chair as he laughed, his eyes falling to the box in Eggsy’s arms, “What have you got there?”

Eggsy took a deep breath, “I know uh, that you didn’t have any control for how long I was in Havana, but I still wanted to get you something to say thanks for understanding what I needed.” He handed over the box of cigars and watched Merlin look at the gift skeptically.

“Eggsy, you know these are illegal, right?” Merlin deadpanned.

His smile faltered, “What?!”

“It’s illegal to take them out of the country.”

Eggsy’s head fell back and he stared at the ceiling, “Fuuuuck off. Seriously?”

Merlin chuckled, “Well, it’s only illegal if you get caught.” He winked, “Thank you, Eggsy, these are much appreciated.”

“Mate, you had me worried!” Eggsy exhaled, fist held against his chest.

“Don’t tell Arthur you brought me these,” Merlin warned, opening the box gently.

Eggsy’s eyes widened, “Would he get mad at me?”

“Only because you didn’t bring him any,” he cackled sarcastically. “You know what? You should absolutely tell him now. I want to see that petulant little expression he gets, like I kicked his damn dog or something.” He took a cigar out of the box and ran it under his nose, taking a deep sniff, “Christ, these are beautiful. Eggsy, honestly, thank you so much.”

Relief over the fact that he wasn’t in shit, he saluted Merlin and continued on his trek through HQ to find Harry’s office to hand in his mission report. They’d never officially gotten around to having his debriefing, which Eggsy would’ve taken more personally had he not overheard Harry complaining to Merlin about meeting after meeting with investors. Roxy had even mentioned the political snafu Percival had found himself in. Apparently, Harry had had to go to several separate meetings with the British Consulate for Thailand and the Thai Consult for Britain. It had been a scheduling nightmare trying to get everyone awake and available at the same time. And Percy was _still_ stuck in Thailand.

He jogged up the steps and and slid around the corner. He so hoped Harry was in a good mood. Eggsy also hated that he knew he’d need to catch Harry in a good mood in order to hand in his _very_ late Havana report. He simply wasn’t in the mood to get yelled at. With all the stress Harry was under, Eggsy had no doubt that the man’s patience was already quite thin.The plush carpeting muffled his footsteps as he approached the great set of wooden doors to Harry’s new office. He stood outside the door for a few extra seconds, taking the time to see if he could hear Harry speaking with someone or god forbid yelling. But there was nothing but silence.

Eggsy was hesitant to even knock so he pushed the door open and peered around it. Harry wasn’t at his desk but Eggsy could just make out some of his arm, dangling from the armchair, which was sat in front of a slowly dying fire. He tiptoed towards the armchair and his heart melted at the sight of Harry, fast asleep in the comfy chair, one arm having fallen over the edge and the other barely holding onto a mostly empty cup of tea.

He snored softly, his normally tense looking body, fully slumped in the chair. His chin rested on his chest and Eggsy just wanted to brush back his bangs as they had fallen a bit while he slept.

Eggsy eyed the teacup and knew that if he needed to wake Harry (which he did), he’d need to take the teacup out of his hand, lest he spill it all over his grey wool suit. He set his report down on the other armchair and crouched down in front of Harry. The older man just looked so peaceful and Eggsy’s heart ached because he’d always wanted to see this side of Harry. He used to fantasize about seeing Harry like that after they’d spent their first night together. The ache settled in deeply when he had to admit that he wasn’t ever going to get that privilege, but he allowed himself to stare a moment longer.

The incident with Valentine had aged Harry a surprising amount. Sure, Eggsy hadn’t been blind, he’d known Harry was in his fifties, had wrinkles and a few streaks of grey hair; but in slumber, his face softened, he got a bit jowly and the amount of grey had increased significantly above where his left eye used to be.

Eggsy took a deep breath and carefully extracted the teacup and saucer from Harry’s limp hand. He had been expecting Harry to at least react to the change but the man never moved, his breathing still even. He sat the items on the table in between the two chairs and took one last long look at Harry before standing up. His knees gave a loud protest for having been crouched down for so long and Harry startled awake, blinking up at Eggsy, “Christ, I fell asleep, didn’t I?” He needlessly straightened his suit as he sat up and looked back up at Eggsy. Harry sighed, “Please don’t mention this to Kate. She already thinks I’m working too much as it is.”

Poorly fighting the grin that spread across his features, Eggsy thought it was precious that Harry thought his first move would be to tell Kate. Like their relationship was that strong. He shrugged his shoulders and winked, “Don’t worry, Harry.” He picked up his report and sat down in the opposite chair. “But next time, make sure you finish your tea first, alright mate?”

Harry immediately looked down at his lap and then at the teacup and saucer on the table. Confused, he looked back up at Eggsy, “Did you move them?” When Eggsy nodded, he groaned. “I didn’t even notice, good god.”

“You’re tired, Harry. It’s okay if you missed that tiny detail,” he smiled, hoping to calm Harry’s nerves. “Besides, I hear you’ve been dealing with the Taiwanese government for a few days.”

Harry scoffed, “It’s made me so bloody glad we aren’t government run. All the bureaucratic nonsense I’ve had to wade through has been ridiculous. I’m honestly just saving up enough energy to tear an absolute strip off of Percival once he’s back.” He sighed, “But that’s not why you’re here, is it?” He eyed up the report in Eggsy’s hands, “Your mission report I presume?”

Eggsy nodded, handing it over, “Merlin said the system was a little backlogged so I might as well handwrite mine.”

“At least your handwriting is legible,” he said, looking through the pages, occasionally humming to himself. “Whenever I had to do it, it was basically unreadable.” He grinned, “But I always was a bit of a shit with Chester.”

“Oh like I haven’t met you before?” Eggsy laughed, “No one else runs on the same schedule as you! Merlin constantly praises me for being on time, unlike my _arse of a mentor_.”

Rolling his eye, Harry scoffed, “He can be such a tosser sometimes.”

Eggsy side-eyed Harry sarcastically and looked away quickly when Harry raised an unimpressed eyebrow. They laughed and Harry started in on the standard mission questions. The conversation flowed easily and it had been much more enjoyable than his debriefs with Merlin or even Kate. Eggsy left out everything about Orfeo and said he basically just ate and tanned at the beach. He casually offered to teach Harry how to make a proper mojito and Harry sniffed haughtily and said he welcomed the challenge.

Once everything had been properly discussed, Harry sighed and thanked Eggsy for his report and his visit. Eggsy had definitely taken note of the few times Harry had eyed up is liquor cabinet, obviously wanting to offer him a drink but he would always turn back to the report within seconds. _He didn’t do because you obviously can’t be trusted, you wanker._

Eggsy strolled down the hallway and nearly bumped into Roxy, who was fussing with her oddly messy braid. Roxy almost never had her hair that dishevelled, even when they sparred. When he noticed it was more knotty at the back, his eyes widened and he chuckled darkly, “Say Rox, what’s goin’ on with your hair?”

Roxy whipped around and her cheeks reddened instantly. “Eggsy!” she squeaked, “I didn’t hear you coming!”

His jaw dropped dramatically and he rested his hand over his heart, “My word, Roxanne! Whatever were you up to?”

“I wasn’t _up to_ anything, Eggsy.” She combed her fingers through her braid and turned away from him.

Eggsy leaned forward and rested his chin on her shoulder. He inhaled deeply, “That’s some fancy cologne you got on there, Rox.”

She stilled instantly, her head fell against her chest, “Fuck. How long do I have to deal with you and that tone?”

“Maybe until you sort out your sex hair and that smudged lipstick.”

“Damn.” She looked at her reflection in a gilded mirror and faced him again, “Better?”

Eggsy grinned, “Much better.” They started to walk down the hallway, Eggsy taking a few larger steps so he could walk backwards and face Roxy, “I didn’t think your-’ he paused, not sure which title to apply to Roxy’s partner.

Roxy picked up on his hesitancy, “Boyfriend.”

“Thank you! Boyfriend. I didn’t think he actually worked here! With the way he’s been spoiling you, I just assumed you picked up a barrister or something.”

“Oh piss off.” She stuck out her tongue at him and flipped him off.

They continued their walk down to Merlin’s office in relative silence, until they were stopped by the man himself. “Meeting at the Round Table in forty.” He hadn’t even looked up from his tablet.

“Shuttle buddies!” Eggsy sang simply to annoy Merlin and make Roxy laugh. “Do we need to wait for Harry?”

Merlin shook his head and continued to walk ahead of them, “Arthur can thankfully be absent for this meeting.”

During the shuttle ride back to the shop, Eggsy had avoided making any further comments about Roxy’s little romp back at HQ, mainly to avoid getting his best mate in trouble with Merlin. He made eye contact with Roxy and winked, causing her to blush. They’d have to go out for a pint later so he could get all the details she’d hidden from him. He almost never had something to tease her about, it was like Christmas and his birthday all rolled into one.

When they finally got to the Round Table room, Eggsy was surprised to see so many empty chairs with the exception of Bors and Gawain, the latter of which was actually in London for once. The man intimidated the hell out of Eggsy and had Roxy not pushed insistently on his lower back, Eggsy would’ve stayed stock still in the doorway.

Gawain was tall and broad shouldered, his hair almost always buzzed down to a non-Kingsman approved length. Mix all of that with the most incredible dark skin and he was easily one of the most swoon-worthy agents. Gawain’s dark eyes gave Eggsy a harmless once over and then turned back to answer something Kate had asked.

Roxy shot Eggsy a weird look before she moved past him to sit next to Bors.

“Eggsy! Come in and have a seat.” Kate smiled brightly and gestured to the chair next to Gawain.

Because _of course_ he’d have to sit there.

Eggsy cleared his throat and walked over to the offered chair. As soon as he sat down, Gawain nudged his shoulder.

“We haven’t officially met yet, have we?”

The man’s voice was like sex. Eggsy blinked rapidly, trying to digest the new information. He shook his head, “No,” he croaked, “We haven’t”

Gawain stuck out his hand, “I’m Akuna, or more obviously Gawain,” he grinned.

Eggsy felt a massive smile break out across his face. _Christ_ , excluding his feelings about Harry, Akuna might be the only other man that could turn him into a blushing mess. "I’m Eggsy,” his smile disappearing into bitterness at the reminder that he was codenameless, “Just Eggsy.”

Akuna nodded carefully and turned his attention back to Kate at the front of the room.

Everyone watched as she sat down in Arthur’s chair, “Well, as you are all aware, Harry Hart, formerly agent Galahad, has been chosen as the new Arthur. As tradition dictates, there will be a swearing in ceremony slash welcoming party for new agents.” She breathed a sigh of relief and rested her palm over her heart, “And now that I am _thankfully_ no longer a stand in for Arthur, I have offered my services to plan said party! The reason I’ve asked you four here today is because A: you’re the only ones currently in London and B: I trust you have some input.” She nodded to Merlin and he handed out the hunter green dossiers.

Eggsy flipped his open and did a quick scan of each of the pages. There were locations to choose, caterers, live bands and decorations. Kate had thought of everything. He looked across the table at an overwhelmed Roxy. She mimicked gagging herself and Eggsy poorly covered his laugh with a cough.

“And as this is a formal affair, I would recommend making sure your tuxedos are ready to go.” Kate turned to Roxy, “Lancelot, if you would prefer something other than a tuxedo, the tailors have said they’d love the opportunity to make you something special.” She eyeballed Bors seriously, “And before you ask, Thomas, singe marks do _not_ make your tuxedo more dashing. The shop has ordered enough material for several tuxedos so get a new one, for Christ’s sake.”

Eggsy smiled but looked down at his dossier sadly. The only Kingsman suit he owned was the now bullet-ridden one Harry had originally commissioned. He’d pretty much lived in that suit for well over twenty four hours. As soon as he’d been discharged from medical, he’d gone back to Harry’s and slept, minus the suit, for what felt like a day. The ruined suit still hung in Harry’s closet; Eggsy had even pinned the tie back together. It used to break his heart knowing that Harry never got the chance to see him in that suit. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He’d been lucky enough to not actually need his suit for missions and so he hadn’t felt bad about putting off buying a new one. He’d also needed to make sure that his mum and Daisy were taken care of before he’d go dropping thousands of pounds on something that “real” agents got for free. Now that he actually needed a tuxedo, he’d have to bite the bullet and get one made. Eggsy sighed internally and tried to focus his attention on whatever Kate was saying.

“Now I know that both Gawain and Bors do have missions coming up but I was informed-” she gestured to Merlin, “-that the tuxedo conversation needed to happen in person.” She made pointed eye contact at each of the older agents, “Once this meeting is done, Merlin will be escorting you down to a fitting room so you can’t get out of it again.” Kate cleared her throat, “You wankers.”

At Bors’ comically high-pitched noise of complaint, Kate smirked a little and reached for a stylus and her tablet, “So, does anyone have any ideas?”

“Well, aside from the offence I’ve taken about my _lightly_ singed tuxedo, I think we should hire that jazz band we had for Chester’s seventy-fifth birthday.” Thomas said, lightly tapping a jazzy rhythm on the table.

Akuna nodded and even Merlin hummed in agreement. The latter nodded at Kate’s tablet, “They’re the London Swing and Soul Band.”

Kate’s eyes widened, “Really?! They just seem like far too much fun for someone like him.” She looked down at her tablet and shook her head.

“He truly earned the title of ‘traitor’ but he had wonderful taste in music,” Akuna laughed bitterly.

“Even Harry danced that night!” Thomas exclaimed happily. He pointed at Roxy, “James even convinced Percy to dance.”

Roxy’s jaw fell, “But Percy is an atrocious dancer!”

“He _was_ an atrocious dancer.” Kate corrected. “And Harry was far worse. Percival was at least teachable! Harry was as stubborn as a mule.”

“So you taught Percy how to dance?”

Kate nodded proudly, “I most certainly did! He’d had a mission where in order to get to an upper echelon of a crime syndicate, he needed to be able to compete in and win several ballroom dancing contests. By the end of our classes, he was so graceful and didn’t step on my toes anymore.” She smiled at Roxy, “You must request a dance at the party, Roxy. I can’t believe your ridiculous brother kept that from you!” Kate swiveled in her chair and pointed her stylus at Eggsy, “I also can’t believe that Harry didn’t try to convince you that he was a skilled dancer.”

Eggsy laughed nervously. The last time he’d been in this room and someone had pointed a pen at him, things had not ended well. He took a deep breath and swallowed his anxiety. He smiled at Kate, _Kate was not Chester King. She was the exact opposite of that horrid man. Kate was safe._ He tried a weak sounding chuckle, “So Harry can’t dance? I figured with the way he fought, he’d at least be able to dance.”

Merlin’s sudden bark of laughter startled both Eggsy and Roxy. They stared at the strange, happy creature in Merlin’s olive jumper. Eggsy and Roxy met eyes again, “ _The fuck?_ ” Eggsy mouthed. Roxy shrugged her shoulders, looking up at Merlin who’d needed to lean on the back of her chair because he’d been laughing so hard. Eggsy watched the tips of her ears pink up; once the meeting was over, he knew he had to tease her about whether or not her boyfriend knew about her feelings for Merlin.

Kate shushed Merlin, “We’re off topic!” She tried to sound serious but couldn’t stop her own giggles from escaping. She wiped under her eyes and grinned, “So Thomas and Akuna, go get your tuxes dealt with. Roxy, Merlin has already offered up your time as you are unable to leave the country until we know you won’t react to the shots you require for your next mission. And finally, yes Eggsy, Harry is an awful dancer. Don’t ever let him try to convince you otherwise.”

Roxy glared at Merlin, an objection on the tip of her tongue, obviously mad at him for speaking for her. Eggsy eagerly anticipated her forthcoming vent against the tech wizard. But when the man looked genuinely apologetic, Eggsy’s brain nearly broke. So when Merlin bent down to nuzzle a kiss on top of Roxy’s head, Eggsy lost all gross motor function. He sat there staring, open-mouthed like a trout at the tender moment between his best friend and their boss/her apparent boyfriend.

Eggsy looked over at Kate, who was not at all shocked but in fact looking at them like they were the most beautiful thing in the world. How on earth did everyone else know about them before he did? When Merlin pulled away, Eggsy squawked indignantly, “The fuck?!”

Roxy’s blush deepened and even Merlin’s cheeks pinked up. She fiddled with her braid and Eggsy gasped so loudly that his lungs hurt. “Oh my god, Merlin gave you that sex hair, earlier, oh my god.”

Kate gasped, “Merlin!” she chastised. “At work?!”

Merlin scoffed, “Oh, like you’re one to talk! After your honeymoon, I always had to triple knock before entering any room where I knew you and Harry were in! Which ended up being a lesson I learned the hard way, or have you forgotten that already?”

 _Filed under things I never ever wanted to imagine._ Eggsy stared at Kate and felt embarrassment seep out of her and into the room itself. Christ, it had apparently been a well known fact that Harry had a ravenous sexual appetite. He tried to stop imagining it, but he’d seen Harry’s old office, he’d always had fantasies of being bent over every available surface. The reality was that Kate had actually been the one to have been taken over every available surface.

“Point taken,” she grinned in defeat.

Eggsy tried to laugh with the others but his heart just wasn’t in it at all.

The meeting adjourned and Bors and Gawain followed Merlin out of the room and plans were made for Roxy to have lunch with Kate the following day. Eggsy pushed out of his chair and stood up to leave but Kate’s voice stopped him.

“Eggsy would you mind staying back a moment, please?”

He shook his head and sat back down. They both waited until the door closed behind the other agents and Merlin. He looked back at Kate and tried not to think about Harry and Kate having non-stop newlywed sex. When she smiled at him, his negative thoughts disappeared and he let the calmness she brought with her settle over him.

“So about the tuxedos…”

Eggsy hunched in on himself, “Yeah, I can uh, I’ll set some money aside for it.” He stared at his hands on the table top.

“No, that’s not what I meant, Eggsy.”

Kate’s tone was more stern that he’d ever heard from her before. He watched her closely.

“You’ve worked so hard for Kingsman and you’re already getting a paycheque so even though nothing is 100% official, you should still have the same perks as the other agents. Once Merlin is done with Thomas and Akuna, you should head downstairs and get fitted for your tuxedo, okay?”

Eggsy chewed on the inside of his cheek and nodded slowly. The idea that he still wasn’t official gnawed at him. If Kate was so willing to bend the rules because he was basically an agent already, why didn’t he have a code name yet? The silence in the room sat heavily on his shoulders. He needed to ask. He needed to hear a real reason why he was being treated differently. He reminded himself: _Kate is safe._ She was his closest tie to Harry at the moment and with Harry now officially being Arthur, she’d probably have the best chance of telling him what Harry was thinking. He swallowed the invisible lump in his throat, “So, why haven’t I been made official yet?”

Kate sighed, “I have asked Harry about it, Eggsy.” She glanced up at him apologetically, “He said he would think about it once he got settled and I know that’s not a definite answer, I’m sorry.”

He tried to stop his chest from caving in but it ached so much that he didn’t care that he wasn’t alone. The next thing he knew, Kate’s hand was on top of his and she sat in the chair next to him.

“Eggsy, please believe me when I say that you won’t be forgotten. Harry cares very deeply about you and I’m sure he’s going to deal with your status once the debacle with Percival is over. It’s been non-stop issues since he took over but I have no doubt that he’ll make you official.” She cupped his face in her hands, “You are an asset to Kingsman, a wonderful son and brother and the kind of person this world needs.” She let go of him and leaned back in her chair, “Regardless of how long it takes, you will always be family.”

Eggsy smiled warmly. How on earth did he get to this point? Kate had started out his enemy (through no fault of her own), and now he wanted to hug her? Where Harry had been odd and distant, Kate had been warm and understanding. He let his body overrule his confused mind and he hugged her.

If the confused sound that fell from Kate’s mouth was any indication, she too was surprised by the bizarre evolution of their relationship. Kate pulled back first, “You’ll show me when your tuxedo is finished, right?”

He laughed, “I’ll probably wear it everywhere. I want to look posh as fuck when I buy Daisy some pull-ups.”

Kate pointed her finger at him in warning, “Don’t you go and get it all mucked up before the party! I’ll never hear the end of it if you show up with a less than pristine tuxedo. Bors will never let me live it down.”

“I guess,” he relented. “Once to try it on and then once again for the party.” He placed his hand over his heart, “Swear down, I’ll look after it.” He couldn’t help the pleasurable feeling when Kate approved of him. He sat back and looked over at his closed dossier, “So what are you getting made for the party?”

“If you can believe it, it was a dress Harry picked out! It’s a stunning number, white, long sleeves, a little off the shoulder, just gorgeous.” She leaned over to grab her tablet again, swiping around till she found what she was looking for. “Harry would like us to get our official portrait done before the party so he had a very specific idea in mind.” She turned the tablet towards him and Eggsy’s heart leapt into his throat. The dress was almost an exact replica of her wedding dress, minus the lace.

Kate’s eyes widened, “When did you see my wedding dress?”

 _Fuck. I said that out loud. Oh fuck I said it out loud!_ His brain froze as he watched Kate slowly bring the tablet closer to her chest. Eggsy stuttered helplessly, unable to come up with anything believable on the fly.

Kate put the tablet down and appeared to chose her next words carefully. “Where would you have seen any photographs of our wedding?” Her voice was flat and leading at the same time.

Eggsy panicked, he’d never planned on outting himself for watching videos on Harry’s laptop. His plan had been to drop it off in the tech department with very little fanfare. With all the hubbub around V-Day, Merlin never really thought to ask after Harry’s laptop, probably assuming that it was still locked and uncrackable and therefore useless for the immediate time being. His heart pounded in his chest and he slowly looked back up at Kate. Her face didn’t show any signs of anger or disappointment. She almost looked fragile, like Eggsy’s answer had the potential to ruin her. But would the truth ruin her? Knowing that he’d seen many of their very private moments?

A lie was the only answer. He tried to look even more embarrassed than he actually was, “I may have done some snooping around in Harry’s bookshelf after he died. He was using it as a bookmark.”

Kate’s expression softened, “Really?”

Eggsy nodded and smiled, “I am sorry though. I looked back before he’d come back and well, this is still kind of awkward but, you did look gorgeous.”

“Oh Eggsy, aren't you just lovely?”

One of the large wooden doors opened and Harry waltzed in, his gaze not moving from what was no doubt a dossier with his party information in it. “Kate, I have a note about one of the caterers.” He stopped at the head of the table and finally looked up, “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, I thought the meeting was over.”

Kate waved off his concern, “Nonsense darling, Eggsy and I were just chatting.”

Eggsy nodded along and pushed himself out of his chair, “If there’s anything specific I can help with for the party, please let me know.” He smiled and picked up the dossier, eager to get the hell out of that room. Before the door had closed behind him, he heard Kate start to gush about the photograph bookmark. He stopped so suddenly that the door hit him in the arse and he stumbled into the hallway. He sent prayers to whoever would listen in hopes that Harry took credit for the non-existent photograph and just assumed it was something he’d actually done.

He took a second to calm his racing heart and then made his way downstairs.

 

\-----

  
“Arms out please, sir,” Andrew asked, whipping the measuring tape around Eggsy’s chest.

Andrew had nearly finished taking his measurements for his new tuxedo but Eggsy just wanted to leave. He felt jittery and his mum had texted him earlier in the day about going over for dinner. He wanted to have Daisy in his arms too, he needed some of her warmth and unconditional love. She wouldn’t care about his fuck up. The fact that his mum was cooking breakfast for dinner was incentive too. Home cooked meals were rare for him as of late.

Once Andrew had finished, Eggsy thanked him heartily and all but ran out of the shop into a waiting cab.

 

\-----

 

After eating far too much, reading several stories to Daisy and a kiss with a lingering hug from his mum, Eggsy left what was technically his house (he still considered it his mum’s. He was told not to be a stranger and he kissed her cheek again and got into a waiting cab. The drive back to Harry’s was uneventful and Eggsy even found himself dozing off against the window. He loved a good food coma.

He perked up as the cab rolled to a stop and he thanked the driver, stepping out into the crisp night air. He looked around at the bright street lamps and smiled. Even though the day hadn’t truly gone as planned, he had gotten to spend some time with his mum and sister and he’d already texted plans to Roxy about going out for a pint on the weekend. He didn’t like to think about the lie he’d told to Kate, the thought that he’d gotten away with something didn’t sit right with him. But he had every intention of basking in the glow of his evening with his family, cock ups pushed to the side.

As he stood on the front steps, he could already hear J.B’s excited scrapes against the door. “Alright, pup! Let me get my keys!” He opened the door and found himself with a lapful of pug. J.B’s kisses were insistent and slobbery. Eggsy set the pug down and slowly started to strip out of his clothes, piece by piece as he walked upstairs. He wanted to fall into bed and just burrow into the covers.

Eggsy started to walk towards the master bedroom but stalled by the office door. It was slightly ajar and he always made sure to shut it, lest J.B get in and wreck something. He dropped his shirt and picked up a vase, sneaking towards the door. When he didn’t hear any sounds, he gently pushed it open, makeshift weapon at the ready and held his breath as he tiptoed into the dark room. When nothing jumped out at him, he quickly turned on the lights and immediately sighed in relief. The room was just as he left it.

“Did you get so excited that you tried to get in, you mangy bugger?” Eggsy teased, setting the vase down and bending over to scritch behind J.B’s ears. The pug soaked up the attention and nearly tripped over his own feet to get Eggsy’s hands to scratch a new place. Eggsy laughed and straightened up. “You act like you don’t get any attention at all! Like I couldn’t tell that Harry gave you bacon while I was away?” At the mention of Harry and with a punch of guilt to his stomach, Eggsy’s eyes cast over to the desk and the laptop.

Except the laptop wasn’t there anymore.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened!
> 
> Feel free to fangirl with me on Tumblr @Scandalmuss !!
> 
> As always, thank you so so much for reading!


	13. All I Ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from Adele's gorgeous song All I Ask:  
> "I don't need your honesty  
> It's already in your eyes  
> And I'm sure my eyes, they speak for me  
> No one knows me like you do  
> And since you're the only one that matters  
> Tell me who do I run to?"
> 
> I'm so sorry about the massive wait for this one. I'm at the point in the story where I need to make sure everything is perfect so that leads to lots of stressing about storyline etc. Life has been a bit of a challenge as well but I'm moving forward!

“Eggsy! Eggsy! Please slow down! What happened?”

Eggsy paced around the office. “I’ve fucked up, Morgana! I’ve fucking fucked it all up!”

“Are you in a safe place?”

He shuddered out a breath, “Yes.” Eggsy slowly felt less like he was having a panic attack with Morgana’s standard questions. She always knew that getting him to stop and think about his answers would help him calm down.

“Are you a harm to yourself or others?”

“No, I’m not,” he said after taking another deep breath.

“Okay, that’s good Eggsy. Now are you hurt?”

“No.”

“Good, Eggsy. Now can you tell me what happened?”

Where could he possibly start?! Being so hung up on Harry that he violated the man’s privacy and watched private videos? (To be fair, she _did_ know about that one) Or where he’s lied to Kate about where he’d seen her wedding dress? Or how Harry, obviously seeing through Eggsy’s lie and breaking into Eggsy’s house -fuck- whatever, his own house to take the laptop back?

“Eggsy? Give me the jist of the situation.”

He fell onto the loveseat, “I lied and got caught.”

Morgana hummed, “How big was this lie?”

“Fucking _huge_ ,” he groaned. “Remember the videos?”

“The ones from Harry’s laptop? Yes.”

“Well, my stupid brain let me blurt out in front of Kate that I’d seen her wedding dress before.”

“Was there any normal way you could’ve seen it?”

“No. One of my first fucking conversations with Kate involved how seriously Harry took their privacy. It’s why she wasn’t too surprised that I didn’t know about her.” He listened for the scritching sound of Morgana making notes and took a deep breath.

“So what was the lie then?”

“I’d told her Harry used a photo of her in an old book as a bookmark.”

“Did she call you out on it?”

Eggsy wiped his hand over his face roughly, “No, she was instantly fucking charmed.”

“So if she didn’t catch you lying, who did?”

“It must’ve been Harry,” he grimaced. “I heard her telling him about it as I left the room.”

“So…you haven’t been confronted yet?” Morgana sounded confused.

He shook his head, forgetting that she couldn’t see him. “Well, not verbally.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I got home, the laptop was gone.”

That stalled Morgana for a few seconds. “And there wasn’t any sign of a break-in?”

“The office door was ajar but J.B could’ve easily done that.”

At the mention of his name, the pug’s tail began to whip against Eggsy’s thigh. Eggsy rested his hand on the dog’s back, gently massaging him.

“And you’ve not been contacted at all?” Concern filtered through her tone.

“Nope.”

Morgana was silent. So silent that Eggsy had to check the phone to make sure they were still connected.

She took a deep breath, “Eggsy, where are you on the scale?”

“I think a 6?” Whenever he’d started to panic, Morgana had made him give her a number on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being Okay and 10 being Send Help. Even in the most intense situations, just hearing her voice took him down a couple numbers. “I actually might even be a 5.”

“So you’d be okay if I had to put you on hold?”

His heart sped up, “You’re not gonna call Harry, are you?!”

“Good heavens, Eggsy, no. I’m going to make a quick call to HQ. I won’t even mention your name, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah okay.”

“Eggsy,” Morgana warned, “I’m not going to betray your trust here, okay?”

“I know, I’m still nervous. But I trust you.”

“That’s okay, you’re allowed to feel nervous. I’ve got your best interests at heart and you are going to get through this.”

Just hearing those words come from Morgana’s mouth easily moved him down to a 4.5 on the stress scale. Morgana had never made him feel judged or less than. She’d been there through so much of the past shitty year and he momentarily hated himself for doubting her. “I’m sorry, you’re right.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Eggsy. Now do you want me to put you on hold or should I call you back?”

He looked down at J.B, “I should probably let J.B out for a bit. You can call me back.”

“Okay, that sounds good.” The smile in her voice was evident. “I’ll ring you back in about ten minutes, okay?”

“Cheers, yeah.” They hung up and J.B raced Eggsy down the stairs. He smiled at the enthusiastic click of J.B’s nails on the hardwood. The pug was so excited that he slid right into the back door with a yip.

“Hang on, hang on, you spaz!” Eggsy laughed, reaching for a hoodie from the hook near the door.

 

\----

 

J.B had decided to take his sweet time sniffing every single thing in the back garden. Eggsy rolled his eyes as the pug dove under the hydrangea bush yet again. A very small sliver of guilt settled in Eggsy’s chest. Since living at Harry’s, he’d really not paid much attention to the garden. He really only went out back when he let J.B out or when he cleaned up after him.

It wasn’t like the place was overgrown though. Harry had thoughtfully chosen plants based on the durability and hadn’t gone with anything fussy. Eggsy knew that his Mum would’ve loved this back garden. She would’ve been in heaven. But he wasn’t about to invite more questions as to why he wasn’t living with them.

Once Harry and Kate moved back, he’d make sure his Mum got a garden she could be proud of. He might even hire a landscape designer, really make the garden amazing. Maybe even a pond or something for Daisy to mess about in, a nice lounger for his Mum...he smiled to himself. He was going to have to ask around for a referral. _Rox probably knows someone like that._

He whistled at J.B and the pug trotted over happily. They went inside and Eggsy bent down to wipe of J.B’s paws with the towel he left by the door. He put the kettle on and waited for Morgana’s call.

The kettle had just started to boil when his phone rang on the counter. He panicked momentarily, thinking it would be Harry, but he calmed instantly upon seeing Morgana’s name on the screen.

“Sorry about the wait, Eggsy. It took a bit longer to reach someone at this time of night.”

He flicked off the kettle, “It’s okay, did you um, get the answers you were looking for?”

Morgana paused and then sighed, “Yes, but could you do me a favour, Eggsy?”

“Anything. Of course.”

“Please check your work email for a message from the tech department.”

Eggsy put her on speakerphone and clicked on the mail icon. There was only one unread message and it looked like it had been sent that afternoon. He stared at his phone skeptically, how did he not get a notification of that email? He opened it and the tension that had been sitting in his shoulders all but dissipated.

It was a standard form email, politely requesting that he have the laptop ready for a minion to pick up that afternoon, as it required updating and a bug check. He chuckled to himself, “So I’ve been freaking out over nothing? Jesus, I’m so sorry Morgana. I must look like a right tit.”

Morgana didn’t respond right away. But when she did, something was off about her voice. “Eggsy, you’re allowed to feel the you feel. You have no need to apologize to me. I will happily be here for you whenever you need me.” Her voice brightened a little, “Now, I want you to have a cup of tea, maybe have a bath or something soothing okay?”

“The kettle has already boiled!” he grinned. “Maybe I’ll try one of the bathbomb things Roxy brought me.”

“Excellent!” She paused for all of a second, “Have a good night, Eggsy.”

“You too, Morgana. And thank you.”

Eggsy knew that if he didn’t have her, he’d have been lost. He sorted out his cuppa and walked upstairs. J.B ran up alongside him, bursting into the master bathroom and waited by the toilet.

He set his mug on the vanity and perched on the edge of the tub. Once the water was hot enough, he put the plug in and began to strip. After kicking his clothes into the laundry bin, he took a long sip of his tea. _Glorious._ He smiled at J.B, “Can you believe I got worked up over nothing?”

 

\---

 

“How does it fit, Sir?”

Eggsy rolled his shoulders and looked at himself in the mirror. He grinned at his reflection, _I hope no one was expecting me to get a boring ol black tuxedo![The deep red crushed velvet jacket](https://goo.gl/images/DpbfIh)_  looked striking with the satin black trim and lapels, not to mention the obviously tailored fit of the light black trousers. He turned around and unabashedly looked at his arse. “The fit is incredible!”

Andrew laughed, “Oh I’m so glad you like it! I must admit, it was a joy to make something other than a matte back tuxedo.” He ran his hands down Eggsy’s arms and fussed with the cuffs. “You look quite smart in it, Sir.”

“Do you think I could go show Kate?” Eggsy tried to ignore how he sounded like an excitable puppy.

The tailor nodded, “Of course. But please don’t take too long as I have a few more fittings to see to.”

Eggsy flattened his tie, “I’ll just be a mo, I promise!” He avoided smacking Andrew with the door and jogged up the steps to the meeting room. After poking his head in and finding the room empty, he made his way towards the small kitchenette at the back of the building. He smiled as he say Kate heating something up in the microwave. “Kate?” he said and then ducked back out into the hallway.

“Eggsy?”

“Yeah, I got my tux on! Thought I’d come show you.” He smiled as she gasped.

“Ooo! Okay, come in. My eyes are closed!”

He walked into the kitchenette and grinned at the way she had her eyes covered up like she was a kid. He stopped a few feet away from her and the smile fell off his face. How did he end up being more excited to show beige jumper-wearing Kate his tuxedo than Harry (who was probably still the love of his fucking life)? He was reminded almost daily that the growing distance between himself and Harry. He knew that it would’ve hurt so much more had Kate not have been there to pick up the slack. Regardless, there was no denying that Eggsy’s feelings for Harry really hadn’t changed even though their relationship apparently had.

“Eggsy?” Kate’s voice broke him out of his depressing thoughts.

“Sorry, yeah, you can open your eyes.” He struck a silly modelesque pose, looking off to the side as if he was in a catalogue. When Kate didn’t say anything, he dropped the pose and faced her.

Her hands were still up by her face, as if she’d been frozen the moment she saw him. “Oh my god…”

Eggsy fought the urge to crumple into a heap. _She hates it. Fuck my life this is worth so much money!_ He watched as Kate _finally_ moved and rested her fingertips against her lips, which were blossoming into the widest smile.

“Oh you look so handsome! And just- so totally Eggsy!”

He exhaled dramatically, “Fu- oh, you had me worried!” He put his hand on his chest, like that could stop it from racing. “So you don’t hate it?”

Kate closed the distance between them, putting her hands on his shoulders. “Not at all.” She took a step back to take it all in again. “I can’t believe I pictured you in a plain black tuxedo!”

He blushed, “I uh, wanted to look different.”

“Mission accomplished!” She let go of his shoulders and turned around to stop the microwave from beeping. “You are exactly one of three agents who could pull that off.”

“Who are the other two?” He avoided the urge to preen at being called an agent.

“The previous Lancelot would anger Arthur on a regular basis with his colour choices,” she chuckled, “And I’m surprised Harry never showed you his blue plaid tuxedo.”

 _Don’t mention the tuxedo from the wedding video!_ He proudly schooled his expression into one of disbelief. “Blue plaid? Like, the entire thing?”

“Oh god no!” she laughed, “Just the trousers. The jacket was similar to yours, now that I’m looking at it.” She blew the steam off of her mug, “His was a dark blue though.”

“I was gonna say, I don’t think even Harry could pull off a fully plaid suit.”

“I beg to differ.”

Eggsy spun around to see Harry walk into the kitchenette and put his mug in the sink. “I’ll have you both know that I have pulled off a rather stunning plaid suit in slate gray at one point in my career.”

Kate rolled her eyes, “I think both Eggsy and I were thinking of a louder plaid, which, for the record, I don’t believe you could pull off.” She smiled and patted Eggsy on the shoulder, “You look wonderful, Eggsy,” she said quietly, moving towards the doorway. She stopped beside Harry and nodded to his hand. “Merlin needs your wedding ring for sizing.”

“For what?”

Her sigh was laboured, “Harry, for the security rings? He _just_ talked to you about it!”

He looked like he struggled with the urge to roll his eye. “Right, right. Sorry.” He slipped off the golden wedding band and dropped it into Kate’s palm. "To be fair, he talks an awful lot.”

Eggsy watched the couple exchange sarcastic smiles and Kate left the room. The butterflies in his stomach began to riot upon realizing he was in a room alone with Harry. Who was in the process of giving him an obvious once over.

“I wish I’d have gotten a chance to see you in the suit I had commissioned for you,” Harry sighed. He looked absolutely stricken with melancholy. “But I must agree with Kate, you look very handsome in that tuxedo.” His smile warmed Eggsy right through. “I couldn’t have chosen a better cut or colour for you myself.”

“High praise indeed.” Eggsy shuffled his feet. “Thanks, Harry,” he added in a smaller voice.

Harry leaned against the counter and crossed his arms, apparently not done appraising Eggsy. Eggsy looked around nervously, shoving his hands into his pockets so he could make himself look less awkward. He hadn’t been alone with Harry in ages and as much as he wanted to have endless alone time with the man, the silence was getting uncomfortable. He was about to ask a stupid question about the weather when Harry finally piped up.

“Have you had lunch, Eggsy?”

Stunned momentarily, Eggsy gaped like a fish until he managed to get himself together and looked at his watch. “But it’s barely 11?”

“Well, it can be an early lunch then,” Harry smiled. “How does that sound?”

Eggsy’s body bubbled up with happiness, “Let me change and I’ll meet you in the shop!” He _barely_ ran out of the room, only to backtrack until he was back in the doorway. “Is this place posh? Do I need a suit?”

“No, dear boy, you can wear whatever you like,” he chuckled casually, like his attention wasn’t lighting up Eggsy from the inside.

Eggsy nodded and jogged back down the stairs.

“Did she like it?” Andrew asked.

“Loved it! Well done you!” Eggsy said, all but shoving himself into the fitting room. He took off the suit and hung it back up in record time. He nearly tripped over his own feet while trying to shimmy his jeans on. He grimaced at himself in the mirror and he could just _hear_ Roxy’s voice, warning/telling him they could have possibly been too tight and he’d argued that the denim would stretch out. Because how could he deny the world with how glorious his arse looked in them. He was just too excited to get dressed slowly and may have had to bounce a little to get the dark denim on. He threw on his black and gold polo and grabbed his matching jacket from the hook.

He gave himself a once over in the mirror and tried to reel in his unbridled delight at getting to spend time with Harry again. At Harry’s request, no less. And as much as he adored Kate, he hoped she wouldn’t end up joining them.

_Deep breaths. Don’t cock this up._

Eggsy pushed open the door and absolutely beamed at Harry. He zipped up his coat and let Harry guide him outside into a waiting cab.

 

\----

 

“Um, Harry? They don’t open for another forty minutes.” Eggsy looked up at the unassuming shop front of [The Porthouse](http://porthouse.ie/). It definitely looked like the kind of restaurant where Eggsy would fit in and Harry would stand out. He smiled at Harry’s reflection in the window, it felt good to know Harry would take his feelings into account. Maybe his brain had been exaggerating the distance between them and he suddenly felt lighter than air.

Harry leaned forward and knocked at the door. Eggsy stopped himself from swatting Harry’s hand away. “You can’t just do that, mate! They ain’t gonna open for just us!”

“Well they certainly better,” Harry said, pulling out his mobile and dialling. “I spoke with the owner while you were in the fitting room. Ah yes, good morning Apollo! Yes, yes we are here. Thank you kindly.” He hung up the call and smiled (with teeth!) at Eggsy as if to say _Yes, I will make them open for just us._

Eggsy couldn’t (didn’t want to) put a name to the feeling settling in his chest, before the aforementioned Apollo was opening the door.

“My sincerest apologies, Senor Hart! Please come in.” Apollo waved them both in and directed them to a small table near the middle of the restaurant.

The interior of the restaurant was a stark contrast to the brightness of outside. It was essentially a large, long hallway with dark wood floors, tables, chairs, everything. The only lighting came from low fluorescent track lighting along the walls. Apollo bounced ahead of them and lit the large candle on their table.

Eggsy stared at the candle nervously. _A candlelit lunch? Fuck my life._ Harry obviously wasn’t aware of how it must look to Apollo and Eggsy for that matter. But he was instantly grateful that Harry didn’t try to pull out his chair for him, lest he get so overwhelmed that he suggest they nip off to the bathroom so Eggsy could thank him properly, on his knees.

Apollo disappeared while they got settled and reappeared the moment Harry opened his napkin. “You’ll be happy to know we have some of the vintage Warres back in stock, Senor Hart.” He placed menus down in front of each of them. “As we are opening to the public a bit later today-” he paused, nodding meaningfully at Harry, “-you are more than welcome to order from the evening menu.”

“Wonderful, thank you Apollo. And we will have a bottle of the Warres, please.”

The owner nodded quickly and vanished into the kitchen.

Eggsy’s eyes caught the wine Harry had chosen on a list, _60 quid?!_ He couldn’t help the squeak that came out of his mouth.

“Something the matter?” Harry asked, eyeing his wine glass before grinning at Eggsy.

“It’s a sixty quid bottle of wine, Harry!” he hissed, leaning forward over the table like he was worried about being heard. His brain flashed back to the look Apollo had given Harry. “Oh my god, did you rent out the entire restaurant?” Harry just shrugged and Eggsy threw up his arms in disbelief. “You are mental. Do you know that?”

“Merlin tells me on a regular basis, so yes, I’m aware.” He nodded to Eggsy’s discarded menu, “Best choose something before he comes back.”

Eggsy continued to stare at him incredulously, but picked up his menu. “Mental,” he muttered. He opened his menu and his mouth immediatly started to water as he surveyed his options: _Marisco (Seafood), Chacineria (Cured Meats), Queso (Cheeses)_ but he predictably got stuck on _Carne (Meat)._ Every single dish under that heading sounded incredible. “How do I choose?” he whispered.

“I’m afraid I’ll be of no use to you there.” Harry put down his menu and smiled, “I order the same thing nearly every time I’m here.”

“And what’s that?”

“The Piquillo con Pollo. Chicken stuffed peppers with a special sauce and - honestly it’s as if you’re in Spain.”

“Well as good as you make those stuffed peppers sound, I think I’m going to have to gorge myself on the Paella with chicken and chorizo.” He set his menu down just as Apollo appeared with an old-looking bottle.

Once they’d ordered and Eggsy promptly ignored Harry’s groan of pleasure at his first sip of wine, they settled back into silence. Harry took another sip of his wine before clearing his throat to get Eggsy’s attention. “I realize all of this seems a bit excessive, considering the informality of this meeting, but I wanted to do this away from the shop and also to eat non-Kingsman made food.”

The happiness bubbles from before turned to lead in the pit of Eggsy’s stomach. _So this isn’t actually casual. He took me away on purpose._ Eggsy sat up a bit straighter and looked at Harry nervously. Was he about to be confronted about his feelings? _Oh fuck, that’s it. He brought me out in public because he didn’t want me to make a scene. Jesus Christ, I’m fucked._

“Eggsy?”

Eggsy glanced up and only then felt how hot his cheeks were. _And I already look guilty. Fuck sakes._

As if sensing his panic, Harry immediately rested his hand on top of the table, “This isn’t a bad meeting, Eggsy! I just wanted to discuss moving back into my house!” He paused for a moment, “Wait, is there something I should know about?”

Visibly sagging, Eggsy huffed out a humourless laugh, “No, sorry.” _Oh thank Christ._

“Then why did you look so panicked?” The look on Harry’s face wasn’t serious at all, a hint of a smirk showed on his face.

“I uh, was worried you hated my tuxedo?”

Harry surveyed him carefully before tsking quietly. “And you thought I’d rent out a restaurant for that?” he chuckled. “Nonsense. If that was how I felt, and it’s not, I would’ve pulled you aside in a fitting room.”

Flashes of fantasies zipped around Eggsy mind. He immediately shut his mouth and shoved the thoughts back into the deepest part of his brain. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “When were you thinking of moving back?”

Being the eternally polite man that Harry was, he either didn’t notice Eggsy’s lapse into a daydream or was ignoring it. “I think the more pressing question is when will you be able to leave? Because I’ll be honest, I can be ready to go in an instant. I’m eager to get out from under Merlin’s thumb.”

Eggsy laughed, happy to move the conversation forward. He’d tried to prepare himself for this exact moment, but he never pictured it happening like this. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he didn’t really have many personal items at the house, aside from clothes and toiletry items. Hell, J.B probably had more personal items that he did.

He had just never wanted to change anything. Never wanted Harry’s essence to leave the space. He had been more than happy to surround himself with Harry’s personal items instead of his own. Eggsy looked up at Harry and was worried he looked like a besotted fool, but Harry made no indication that he’d picked up on it at all. Eggsy scratched the back of his neck, “Honestly, I think J.B has more stuff than I do, so it wouldn’t take long. We could be out in a couple days if you’d like?”

“I know the party Kate is insisting on throwing is this weekend, but would Thursday work for you? Or is that too soon?”

“Harry, please.” Eggsy waved off his concern. “It’ll take me like two hours to pack, but I want to wash the bedding and stuff. Make sure J.B hasn’t left any _surprises_.”

“Oh you can just leave the bedding at the end of the guest bed. I’m going to want to wash my own bedding anyways.”

Eggsy immediately blushed and took a healthy sip of his wine. _Aren’t you supposed to be a spy?!_

A soft but heavy, “ _Oh,”_ was all Harry said for a very excruciating moment.

He couldn’t even look up at Harry anymore, his eyes were glued to the flickering light from the candle. Eggsy took a deep breath, “I’m sorry, Harry! I just- after you died, I didn’t -oh god,” he choked out. He could feel his eyes welling up with tears. _Fuck_. He thought he was better, he was supposed to be past this.

It wasn’t until a warm hand sat over his own that he realized how heavily he had been breathing. He looked up at Harry and the man just stared back, apparently at a total loss for words. Harry’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he must’ve decided that silence was the best choice. Eggsy focussed on Harry’s hand. The wedding band-less hand covering his own. Usually, when he started to realize he’d been staring at Harry with too much adoration, he’d take one look at Harry’s wedding ring and the feelings would lessen. But without the ring, Eggsy was having a hard time tamping down on his thoughts.

Harry gave Eggsy’s hand a squeeze before he tried to tell him it was alright, at the exact time Eggsy blurted out that he’d worn the robe too. They stared at each other for a moment, till the sounds of Apollo coming out of the kitchen roused each of them out of their stupor. Harry all but yanked his hand away from Eggsy’s and Eggsy faked a cough in order to discreetly wipe his eyes. Eggsy barely heard Apollo describing each of the dishes with flourish. He smiled weakly when Apollo gestured to his dish.

They ate in awkward silence. Harry paused twice as if he was about to say something, but just poured himself another glass of wine. Eggsy barely tasted his food. He could tell it was delicious, but he just didn’t care. He needed to keep his traitorous mouth occupied, lest it make Harry up and leave entirely.

They left the restaurant with very little fanfare and it wasn’t until they were back in the cab that they both tried to speak again, “Harry, I’m-”

“Eggsy, I’m s-”

Eggsy forced a weak smile, “You first?”

Harry inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry, Eggsy. I don’t want you to think I’m judging your choices at all. They just- caught me off guard.” He clasped his hands in his lap. “I know what happened in Kentucky wasn’t easy on you, either.” He held up his hand to stop Eggsy’s counterargument. “Merlin explained that you watched it. Everything.” He turned his gaze to the window. “I’m sorry to have put you through that.”

Eggsy pursed his lips in an attempt to not cry, _again_.”But you’re back and that’s all that matters, yeah?”

“I suppose so,” Harry grimaced. “Still, I’m sorry I put you through all of that.”

“It’s okay, it wasn't your fault,” Eggsy answered quietly, “I’m a lot better than I used to be. I uh- see Morgana on a fairly regular basis.”

“I’m so glad, Eggsy.”

Even though there had been a rough patch, Eggsy was happy to note that important things had been discussed and the end result was that Harry now had a (G-rated) idea of how his death affected Eggsy and Eggsy could feel safe in knowing that Harry wasn’t mad at him. He would go home, pack slowly (he had 48 hours) and prep himself to leave Harry’s.

“I’m sure Daisy will be quite happy to have you back,” Harry smiled, thankfully changing the subject.

Eggsy’s lip quirked up into a small smile. Daisy represented everything good in his life. He loved her so much and a small part of him felt guilty for not seeing her as often as he could have. But there had been no way he would’ve invited a toddler over to Harry’s. Plus, he was pretty sure he’d have used her as distraction instead of dealing with his issues. “She’ll be pretty excited, yeah,” he chuckled, “But I know I’ll miss not being pounced on first thing in the morning.”

From there it turned into Eggsy regaling Harry with Daisy’s many misadventures with her big bruv. The cab eventually stopped outside of the shop. Before Eggsy could get out, Harry placed a hand on his shoulder. “If you wanted to take the rest of the afternoon off, you are more than welcome to.”

“Really?”

Harry nodded, “Of course. You’ve been working hard and...you could even get a head start on packing?”

“Seriously?” Eggsy rolled his eyes. “You want to get out of Merlin’s hair that badly?”

“Well, figuratively speaking, yes. I want to wake up naturally and not to the infernal beeping from the alarm clock he’s hidden in my room.”

“Maybe he’ll miss you enough to make you a new eye?”

Harry’s laugh was humourless, “Maybe it’ll be my gift for the gala. If _only_ I could be so lucky.”

“You need to work on your enthusiasm, mate,” Eggsy teased.

“Ugh, you sound just like Kate. I didn’t come back from the dead to be made fun of. No bloody thank you,” his tone was petulant. He opened the door, pausing with one foot out of the door. “Don’t make me regret giving you the day off, Mr. Unwin.”

Eggsy was grateful for the lightness of the conversation, “Scouts honour, Haz,” he deadpanned, smirking as he watched Harry shiver at the nickname.

“Oh, knock it off, _Gary._ ” Harry got out of the cab, bending over to give Eggsy a shit-eating grin through the window.

“OI!” Eggsy exclaimed, loudly, pointing threateningly at Harry.

Harry mimed being unable to hear Eggsy’s protests.

Eggsy made sure to mouth, “Wanker” slowly and gave him the two-finger salute before the cab drove off.

 

\----

 

Eggsy had been generous when he’d said it would take him two hours to pack. “A whole forty-five minutes?!” he moaned, sprawled on the living room sofa. J.B stared longingly at the plastic tote filled with his toys and dishes. The pug whimpered at Eggsy. “No whinging!” Eggsy’s head lolled to the side to stare at the pug. “You’re going to Mum’s tonight and Dais’ll wear you right out.”

The pug conceded defeat and flopped down next to his toys. He let out a disgruntled snort and shut his eyes.

 _One more night._ Eggsy was only going to let himself spend one more night in Harry’s bed. Probably wrapped up in the robe after a hot bath and definitely a lengthy self-love session to end the night.

After his interrupted fuck with Orfeo, all that time ago, he’d come home and ordered a vibrator. He hadn’t used it yet, though. Owning something like that had made him nervous, but he’d been on edge for _ever_ and needed to sort himself out. With one last night at Harry’s and no idea when his next night alone would be, he knew tonight would have to be the night.

 

\-----

 

Bath pillows were a true gift to humanity. Eggsy shuffled up against it and felt the tension slowly leave his neck and he relaxed into the tub more fully. The smell of the chamomile oil he’d added to the water relaxed him even further. He shut his eyes and let the hot water wash away any anxiety he’d had.

J.B was safely at his Mum’s, his phone was charging in the bedroom and the [Moody Silicone G5 vibrator](http://www.goodvibes.com/s/sex-toys/p/GV14514/fun-factory/moody-silicone-g5-vibrator) and a fresh bottle of lube sat on the bedside table. The plan was to get relaxed and cleaned up in the tub, dry off, put on the robe, make a martini and spread himself out and enjoy his last night in Harry’s bed. Guilt-free.

His palms settled against his hips, his thumbs rubbing small circles into his skin, towards his inner thighs. His cock twitched in interest and he fought the urge to just go for it in the hot water. One of the _many_ selling features of the G5 was that it was waterproof. So, he technically could take care of himself in the tub, but he conjured up Harry purring, _Good things come to those who wait, dear boy_ . Eggsy shivered and bit his lip. Oh, he’d be such a good boy for Harry, if the man ever asked. His cock bumped against his hand, he stifled his moan. _Calm down, mate. Don’t want to finish too early_. To avoid temptation, he removed his hands from the water completely and let them slid along the edge of the tub. He hummed happily to himself.

 

\----

 

Being naked under a silk robe was a whole other experience. Eggsy was certain that he’d never get used to the almost breathy way the material caressed his body. He mixed himself a martini and perched on the edge of the desk. He had been so certain that he had a chance with Harry, back during their 24 hours together. Maybe not getting rogered over the desk, but a least a snog session with a chance of handjobs.

He wondered if Harry ever thought about that night in the same way he did. It could’ve changed everything. He probably would’ve passed the dog test, although that would’ve led to Roxy and Eggsy having to go through another test and who knows what they would’ve come up with to top the dog test. And if Eggsy had passed, Harry wouldn’t have left angry. He may not even have gone to Kentucky at all. They could’ve fought Valentine together and then asked that lovely Swedish princess if they could borrow her cell for a much need victory shag.

Eggsy felt a pang of heartache in his chest,. He took a deep sip of his martini, shaking the negative thoughts loose. _Focus._ Harry was back. Harry wasn’t mad. Harry still called him “Dear Boy”.

Things were different...but they weren’t bad. Eggsy’s mind drifted back to the lunch date. At that point in his martini, he had very little guilt over calling it a date. Harry had rented out the whole restaurant, it was fucking candlelit and, _AND_ the touches. Sure, the touches had been to centre Eggsy’s thoughts, but still. Harry never seemed like a tactile person, but since his return, Eggsy had noticed that it was either himself or Kate receiving touches by Harry. And that didn’t seem like nothing.

Although, had Harry of had his wedding band on, his touches would’ve seemed jarring and not comforting at all.

Eggsy took a deep breath and sat down in the swivel chair behind the desk, letting his legs fall open. The front of the robe _mostly_ covered his modesty, until he slouched a little in the chair and let his left thigh become completely exposed. The silky material draped teasingly over his cock and bollocks. He let the hand not holding the martini clutch at his thigh. He squeezed the muscled flesh until it pinked up.

_He imagined waiting in that exact position for Harry to get home after a rough day. Harry would call out for him and Eggsy would tell him he was in the office. Harry would come upstairs, grumbling about something Merlin did and he’d stop dead at the sight of Eggsy’s supine form._

_Eggsy would make idle chit chat, like he wasn’t massaging his bollocks under the robe, his thumb holding his cock down. He envisioned Harry all but falling to his knees to get between Eggsy’s thighs, his large hands grasping at all of the skin on display. Eggsy would slouch down even further so his cokc would be completely on display. Harry would waste no time in getting his mouth on Eggsy. Eggsy would tangle his hands in Harry’s hair (oh god how he wanted to get his hands in that hair!) as the man took him into his mouth. It would be so hot and Harry would have him so wet…_

He let his head fall back against the chair, the fantasy washing over him. His head tingled and his exposed skin was covered in goosebumps. He ground up into his hand and squeezed. Eggsy’s brain was on repeat: _Bedroom. Bedroom. Bedroom!_

He was almost painfully hard so he crawled up onto the bed gently. Eggsy hiked up the back of the robe, just to make sure he didn’t get lube on it, because he really had no idea how to get lube out of silk. He reached for the lube and the vibrator. Before he drizzled lube onto his fingers, he glanced over at his phone to make sure the sound was off. The little switch on the side was down and he breathed a sigh of relief.

Thankfully, the lube warmed up quickly. His middle finger circled his hole, getting it nice and wet before slowly starting to push in. He groaned loudly, it felt like it had been forever since he’d had any sort of release.

Time slipped past him, when he came back to himself, he realized he was three fingers deep and very close to coming. He inhaled quickly, slowly removing his fingers and wiping them on the towel he’d set aside earlier. His hand shook slightly as he grabbed the G5, his body still wanting release. He generously coated the G5, grimacing at himself as he spilled a few drops on his stomach. _As long as it doesn’t hit the robe,_ he grabbed the towel and swiped the lube off of his abs.

Eggsy adjusted the pillow underneath his hips and he began to circle the toy around his loosened hole. He hadn’t even turned it on yet but was already mentally writing a _glowing_ review. The soft ridges pressed up against every side of him. he felt incredibly full and the toy wasn’t even fully in him yet. He slipped his fingers through the looped handle and pushed it the rest of the way in, groaning the entire time, until the flared base was flush with his skin.

His chest began to heave softly, he was suddenly overheated and he felt beads of sweat fall down his forehead. It took everything in himself not to start thrusting the toy in and out. After a few calming breaths, he pressed the first button on the handle. He yelped at the sudden vibrating sensation pulsing through him. It was just on the lowest setting but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle anything higher. He fisted his cock and rotated the toy till the tip was pressing directly against his prostate.

As he stroked himself slowly, precome leaked all over his fingers. The buzzy feeling in his spine started to build and he thrust his hips up and off the pillow. Just as his orgasm was about to crest, he pulled the vibrator away from his prostate and shut it off. He gasped for air, his body shaking from its aborted release.

He mentally ran through a list of types of forks to slow his heart rate before he started up again. It backfired quickly as it made him think of Harry quizzing him on the eating utensils. He had no doubt in his mind that Harry would be able to talk him through his self-love session. To have that deep voice in his ear, Harry’s cologne taking over his sense of smell... “Fuuuuuck,” he moaned, pressing the toy back against the bundle of nerves. Harry would probably tease him for hours. “Fuck, I’d let ‘im too,” he gasped out.

Eggsy cupped his balls and squeezed them, alternating movements with the toy he had yet to turn back on. He grasped his cock again, pressing the toy all the way in on the upstroke. His eyes rolled back, he unabashedly moaned at the feeling of being full and the slick slide of his hand on his cock. The build up from the last time started immediately, his hips stuttered and the overwhelming sensation of _too much_ threatened to make him come instantly.

He gulped down a big breath and tried to get his shaking hand to turn the toy back around. Eggsy gnawed on his bottom lip, trying to stall his orgasm. The harsh sound of his phone vibrating against the wooden table, shocked him into letting go of the toy in a panic. He glared at the phone, he wasn’t planning on fully stopping his second orgasm but the angry buzz of his phone had taken him right out of the mood.

 _If it’s Kate, I’m going to fucking lose my mind._ He hesitated for all of a moment before wiping off his hand and picking up the phone, grimacing and promising to disinfect it later. His heart leapt into his throat upon seeing Harry’s name on the screen. Eggsy pulled a face at the phone and then groaned at the feeling of the toy still firmly up his arse. _What Harry didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, right?_ Eggsy swiped to accept the call, his heart pounding loudly in his ears. He cleared his throat, so he wouldn’t sound so wound up, “Hello?”

“Good evening, Eggsy.” Harry’s deep voice caused a shiver to run through Eggsy’s entire body. “I hope I haven’t disrupted anything.”

“Not at all, what can I do for you?” He groaned internally, _Fuck! Quit sounding like a rentboy!_

“I just wanted to check in. I wanted to make sure things were okay after this afternoon.”

God, Harry sounded so sincere and fucking handsome and Eggsy shut his eyes, his spare hand finding the toy again. The first press back into him nearly made him whimper, but he coughed and mumbled out, “I’m good, Harry. I promise.”

Harry huffed out a breath, “Good. I’m glad, Eggsy. I don’t want you to think that you won’t be welcome after I move back. My offer to look after J.B while you’re away on missions still stands.”

Eggsy’s hand started to speed up, he swallowed thickly. “That sounds good, Harry. Thank you.”

“I promise not to fatten him up either,” he laughed.

Eggsy’s laughter was strained, he pressed the toy up against his prostate. Harry’s voice felt like it echoed within Eggsy’s body. He didn’t even know what the man was talking about anymore. Eggsy let a gasp escape his lips and the sounds on the other end of the phone died. He froze, the toy shoved up to the hilt.

“Is something wrong?” Harry asked, his voice lower. “Are you safe? Eggsy, answer me,” he whispered.

“Sorry, yeah,” he tried not to sound breathless but he was nearing the point of no return and he couldn’t turn back. “I just noticed the time, I need to take J.B out before I turn in for the night.” It barely sounded believable to his own ears but he could hear Harry relax.

“Okay, thank goodness,” he chuckled, “Sorry, I tend to assume the worst over the phone. Spy habits die hard.”

“No worries, I should go though. Thanks for checking in, Harry.” He sucked on his bottom lip, anything to keep him busy till Harry hung up. He could feel his orgasm threatening to overtake him.

“Of course, I won’t keep you. Have a good night, Eggsy. Sleep well, dear boy.”

_Dear Boy_

Eggsy barely got out a goodbye before he hastily hung up and came all over his stomach, a loud groan echoing the bedroom. He gingerly pulled out the toy and tried to stop his leg from twitching from the aftershock. That had been the best orgasm of his entire life. He didn’t even feel guilty. He ran his fingers up his torso, dragging come along with them. “Fuuuuuuuuuck,” he moaned. He’d never come untouched before and a bright piece of his soul was happy to note that Harry had had a hand in it.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank you all so much for sticking around even through the lag time between chapters!  
> As always, I love (LOVE) reading what you guys think about this story! And your theories!!


	14. It's Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gala

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon for Mareka: Charlize Theron

“I’m not giving you _deets_ , Eggsy,” Roxy warned as she brushed out the curls left by her hot rollers.

Eggsy lounged back on her bed and laughed, “I’d give _you_ deets!”

“I think we’ve already thoroughly discussed the incredible fact that you got away with Harry essentially _talking you off_ the other night. Which, for the record, I _still_ can’t believe happened, and-” she glared at Eggsy over her shoulder, making him blush a deep crimson,-”we both know the moment I tell you anything about my relationship with Merlin, he’ll feel a ripple in the time space continuum.” Roxy spun in her seat and pointed at him with her hairbrush. “And we also both know that he’ll be able to tell, just by looking at you.”

“Offence taken! I have an excellent poker face,” he pouted.

“Bullshit.” She pursed her lips in the most irritatingly smug fashion. “You’re an excellent spy, but when it comes to personal things, your heart tends to exist solely on your sleeve. Surrounded by flashing lights. Because you have no chill.”

“Oh, fuck off!”

“I’m serious, Eggs!” She tried to smother her laughter, “If you think we can’t tell after you’ve had intimate encounters of any kind, you’re dreaming.”

Eggsy’s voice got high-pitched, “The fuck does that mean?!”

Roxy stopped primping and turned around to face him again. “Well, one day you seem to be your average self but then the next day, you’re practically skipping into HQ.”

“I do _not_ skip.”

“Fine. You may not literally be skipping but you do absolutely have a tell.” She smiled at him in earnest. “But someone would have to know you really, really well in order to spot the signs.”

Eggsy scoffed, counting people off on his hands. “So you, Merlin, Kate and Harry? Oh good. Literally 3 out of 4 of the most embarrassing people to notice that shit. Wonderful.”

She stood up and wandered into her closet. “I know for a fact that Merlin could not possibly care less about your sex life.” She poked her head around the corner and in her best Merlin voice said, “As long as your work performance doesn’t suffer, Unwin.”

“Your Merlin impression is much better when you’re drunk, you know that, right?” He laughed.

Roxy flipped him off, disappearing again within the depths of her closet. Eggsy fussed with his cufflinks; they were his least favourite pair and even though he’d only moved his few boxes over from Harry’s, he’d still managed to misplace his favourite set of cufflinks. They were bulldogs, made out of silver and they’d been the ones Harry had chosen for him as a backup pair, for his original suit. Harry had joked about J.B when he’d suggested them, apologizing for there being no pug-related pairs within the Kingsman catalogue. He grimaced at his cuffs. The pair he was currently sporting were nothing to snuff at though (at nearly 300 pounds for the pair), they were sterling silver _and_ mother of pearl and they were gorgeous, but just not the one’s he’d wanted to wear.

Tonight was the gala and as much as he’d been dreading it, he also just wanted to get it over with. The plan was to meet at HQ for photos and then several limos would take them to the actual party across London. “Do you think the photos will take long?” He called out to her as he sat up and ran his fingertips over the velvet front of his jacket.

“I haven’t the foggiest clue,” Roxy’s muffled voice called back. “But it was Harry’s idea so A: I’m sure it won’t take long but B: I’m also sure he’ll be late.”

“Kate’s trying to curb that in him.”

Roxy’s unimpressed eyebrow made an appearance. “And _how_ long have they been married?”

Eggsy rolled his eyes. “Ugh, long enough, probably. But whatever. She’d have to be around all the time in order to curb his perpetual lateness and we both know _that’s_ never been the case,” he felt jolted by the flippant tone in his voice.

“Am I detecting a crack in your ‘I Heart Kate’ campaign?” Roxy walked out of her closet, her dress hung loosely on her frame. Her expression was serious and not even remotely close to teasing.

“Well, not a crack but, ugh,” he sighed. “I just don’t want to see her dressed up like she’s getting married to Harry all over again.” He stood up and motioned for Roxy to turn around so he could do up her dress. “I guess I’m just trying to distance myself. Except it’s obviously too fucking late for that anyways.” He laughed humourlessly. He zipped up her dress and then hunched forward, wrapping his arms around her, huffing loudly over her shoulder. “Don’t let me get drunk tonight, alright? I don’t want to end up getting weepy in the loo.”

“Like we’re not going to dance and or eat the night away?” She turned in his arms and grinned. “Merlin has been so stressed about that ring security thing that he’s basically resigned himself to drinking leisurely all evening and throwing in the odd slow dance with me. His exact words: _I’m excited to not give any fucks all night._ ”

“He sounds like an absolute riot,” he smirked. Eggsy pulled back and he took a second to take in Roxy’s radiance. Roxy had always been beautiful, but she’d outdone herself tonight. Her [commissioned dress](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/c7/f6/1a/c7f61a134eb42254111d244a411c45c7.jpg) showed off her shoulders, the entire thing was made out of thin black mesh with a lace pattern over gold satin. Simply put, it was the most gorgeous dress he’d ever seen.

“What?” Roxy interrupted his train of thought.

“You look gorgeous, that’s all,” he smiled.

Roxy blushed and simultaneously punched him in the arm. “You had me worried that it was hideous!” She nodded to his discarded jacket. “Percy should be here in like five minutes. Get your kit on so we can be _at least_ half an hour earlier than Harry.”

He groaned. “I just want to get this portion over with! Just ply me with champagne and keep me across the room from the - ugh- Harts.” Eggsy focussed on straightening his sleeves instead of acknowledging Roxy eyeing him carefully. He felt her sharp inhale and braced himself for a pity pep talk. But instead he got,

“I, Roxanne Elizabeth Beatrice Morton, do promise you, Gary David Unwin aka Eggsy, at least one group picture where we make the most grotesque faces thereby ruining the picture for everyone else.”

A warmth blossomed in Eggsy’s chest and he clutched the non-existent pearls around his neck. “Aww mate, you’d do that for me?”

Roxy laughed, “Well it’s the least I could do.” Nudging his shoulder with hers. A quick succession of beeps came from her phone on the bed. “It’s probably Percy, come on!”

Eggsy followed her downstairs into the foyer of her townhouse. “He doesn’t honk?” he teased.

Her answering snort was anything but ladylike. “Not if he values his life.” She stopped to pick up her shoes, trying to slip on her heels one-handed. “The day I respond to someone honking at me is the day I get written up for killing someone I wasn’t supposed to.” She stood tall and looked him dead in the eye. “Hashtag, Yolo.”

The staring contest last for all of another thirty seconds before Roxy purposely went cross-eyed and made Eggsy burst out laughing.

“Technically you stopped staring so I won,”

Roxy stuck out her tongue, “But you laughed first!”

“You said the word YOLO, Rox! What the fuck?”

The front door opened and a serious-looking Percival glared at them. “ _Children._ Can we get a bloody move on, please?”

“Wanker,” she mock glared at him, elbowing his ribs to move him out of the way. She model walked out of the house, leaving Eggsy to stare at Percival until he grinned and mimicked Roxy’s strut down the front steps, Betty Boop hands and all.

“And you two are supposed to be spies?” Percy muttered after them.

“Oh knock it off old man!” Roxy leaned against the car, “Let’s go! You owe me ten years worth of dances.”

Percy stalled, “Who told you I could dance?”

“First of all, I can’t believe you hid it from me and secondly, _everyone_ seemed to know about your skills, except your own flesh and blood.”

Instead of defending his honour, all the fight seemed to leave Percival instantly. Eggsy exchanged a look with Roxy and they both got in the backseat. Percival started the vehicle, his hands dropping from the steering wheel. “I learned for James,” he sighed,” He loved to dance and I’d wanted to surprise him for our anniversary one year.” He paused and looked up in the rearview mirror. “I really haven’t been out to anything with a dance since he died.”

“Christ,” Eggsy whispered. He tapped Roxy on her knee, begging her to say something.

Thankfully she roused quickly from her slack jawed state. “Oh Percy...” She grasped his shoulder, “Love, I’m sorry.”

Eggsy hadn’t even known Percival was in any way attached to James until well after V-Day. Since then, he’d heard both Roxy and Kate discuss their relationship and how deeply their love ran. He bit the inside of his cheek to distract himself from dwelling on the concept of lost love. It had nearly ruined him when Harry had been thought of as dead and that had only been a one-sided love affair. Eggsy’s heart threatened to shatter into a thousand pieces at the idea of sharing a love like Percy’s and James and then only to have one partner die? He shivered and tried to focus on the tender moment between Roxy and her brother.

Percival cleared his throat. “It’s okay, PopRox,” he said softly, grasping her hand on his shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

Eggsy stifled his need to squawk about how cute Roxy’s nickname was. He leaned back in his seat while Percival pulled away from the curb. “He’s very lucky to have a sister like you,” he whispered. “Even though that is the silliest nickname and I love it.”

Roxy’s small smile was bashful, “There are very few things in this life he allows himself to be silly about and I guess I’ve always been one of those things.” She rested her head on Eggsy’s shoulder, “Daisy is just as lucky to have a big bruv like you, Eggs.”

He smiled. Now that he lived with his mum and Daisy again, he was going to make sure he carved out special time every week for just himself and his sister. He wanted to enjoy the time they had left before she went off to school. Just thinking about Daisy always put him in the best mood. “I’m the one who’s lucky, Rox.”

 

\-----

 

“Considering Arthur isn’t here yet-”

“Shock!” Roxy coughed into her hand.

Eggsy ignored her and turned back to the photographer. “Do you think we could get some with just the two of us?”

The photographer nodded, his assistant ushered them near the staircase where a false backdrop had been set up. The assistant moved them to the middle, adjusting their clothes and hair until he was satisfied. “So how long have you two been together?” his tone sickeningly sweet.

Both Roxy and Eggsy pulled faces that said, _Oh Hell No_.

“We ain’t dating. She’s my best mate.” For emphasis, he nudged her in the ribs. “‘side’s, I ain’t old enough for her,” he winced in preparation for the punch that when it came, nearly knocked him down a step.

“Rude,” Roxy said.

The assistant flushed and backed away quickly, which only made Eggsy and Roxy giggle harder. They soon went through every awkward prom pose they could think of: spies back to back, Eggsy down two steps so Roxy looked taller, hover hands, and uncomfortable smiles mixed with holding each other at a distance in a slow dance.

By the time they’d finished, most of the knights and their partners had shown up and were enjoying the show. Even Bor’s super serious-looking boyfriend was looking like he wanted a go at a stupid picture. Roxy and Eggsy stepped down just as Harry and Kate entered the main hall.

Kate looked absolutely stunning, her [white gown](https://www.jovani.com/image/cache/catalog/products/evening_dresses_50/x31125_2-326x489.jpg.pagespeed.ic.tgg6tTcz6N.jpg) exactly like the picture she’d shown him; but Eggsy couldn’t take his eyes off of Harry. It had been far too long since Eggsy had seen Harry in a tuxedo. He looked sophisticated and just like sex on two legs in his slim-fitting navy tuxedo jacket and soft black trousers. Just watching his long legs strut casually into the room was enough to make Eggsy’s mouth water.

“Stop gawking,” Roxy mumbled, “You know bespoke suits can’t hide your _excitement_.”

“Piss off, I’m not gawking.”

“Pretty sure everyone heard you groan when he came into the room.”

“They’re coming over, stop talking!”

Eggsy was certain both he and Roxy looked as if they’d been caught red-handed at something; he felt his cheeks heat up the closer Harry and Kate got. But then Harry wrapped his arm around Kate’s waist, his hand resting on her hip and it felt like a bucket of icewater had been dumped over his head. They looked like a fucking wedding cake topper. He stood up straight, forcing himself to not crumple physically as well as emotionally. He plastered on a massive smile as Harry and Kate stopped in front of them.

“I simply can’t stop staring at your dress, Roxy! The lacework looks incredible!” Kate’s eyes roamed all over Roxy’s dress. Roxy did a quick twirl which set off another set of compliments from Kate.

Harry smiled at Kate’s exuberance and then turned his attention to Eggsy. “You look even more stunning than the last time I saw you in that tuxedo, Eggsy. Red truly is a good colour for you.”

Eggsy stared at him blankly for all of a second before his brain supplied something conversational to say. But now he _knew_ he must have embellished some of his relationship with Harry. In what world would a married man hit on another man, right beside his wife? Eggsy smiled as the word “platonic” sliced through his heart. “You’re just saying that because you hated that black and gold jacket so much,” he attempted to tease.

“I can’t even sugar coat it.” Harry chuckled. “Yes, I loathed that jacket and I will forever thank myself for not buying you the matching trousers. I’m certain I deserve Sainthood for that act.”

“Pretty sure you’d have to show up on time for Sainthood, Harry.” Eggsy couldn’t help his smug grin at Harry’s genuine shock at being called out. His grin got even wider when Kate snorted and burst out laughing. It was probably the loudest he’d ever heard her be. He shrugged, comically looking anywhere other than at Harry. But he could just sense Harry fighting the urge to call him a little shit. A quick glance back up at him, proved Eggsy right. Even with one eye, Harry was capable of giving someone the stink eye. Eggsy beamed at him.

The photographer loudly called for everyone’s attention. All of the knights, without their partners, were starting to get numbered off by the photographer and the assistant scurried around to move people to where the photographer wanted them.

Eggsy took a deep breath and rocked back on his heels trying to ignore that he hadn’t been given a number yet. To be fair, neither had Roxy, but it hadn’t even occurred to him until that exact second that he might not be included. His pulse raced and he looked over at Harry being fussed over by Kate as they stood in the middle of the group.

“You’re going to be in the picture, Eggsy. Trust me.” Roxy whispered into his ear.

He leaned over, “You know I love you, right?” When she nodded, he tried a few calming breaths. Of course they’d include him. Kate had always made it sound like he was thisclose to finally being knighted. Eggsy jumped a little when the assistant popped out of nowhere and stood in front of them.

He eyed both Eggsy and Roxy carefully, grasping Eggsy’s elbow as the photographer called out a position. He pulled Eggsy forward and then nudged Tristan out of the way so he could position Eggsy next to Harry.

Because of fucking course.

Eggsy was elated at being included but having to stand tall next to Harry? _Fuck sakes_. He looked behind him at Gawain straightening his cuffs, completely unaware that Roxy had been placed in front of him, till she elbowed him in the stomach.

“Turn around. You’ll get us kicked out of the picture,” she teased, fluffing out her skirt.

“Hardly.” Harry rolled his eye, “I’m quite certain Bors had been drunk off his arse and Chester still let him be in the picture.”

“Like you were much better that night?” Bors countered from the front row. “As I recall, _Arthur_ , you were the one who nicked that tie flask prototype from Merlin’s desk and then proceeded to take shots every time Chester berated the photographer.”

“ _You_ took that flask? Oh, for fuck sakes, Harry!” Merlin turned around, throwing up his arms in aggravation.

“It’s ‘For fuck sakes, _Arthur’_ ,” Harry grinned.

Kate slapped his shoulder and pointed a finger at Bors. “Children, behave.” Bors and Merlin both mumbled their apologies. “I’m so sorry,” she said to the photographer.

“Not a problem. I was here that year and I’m a much bigger fan of this Arthur than the last one.” That got a few chuckles before everyone settled into picture taking mode.

The first few rounds were boring, serious ones. Then they were finally allowed to smile. Eggsy had happened to look over at Harry in between shots and his smile faltered at the sight of Kate’s hand resting over his chest, her wedding band sparkling next to the navy in Harry’s tuxedo jacket.

“Number eight! Smile and look forward, please!”

Eggsy’s head shot up and he met eyes with Kate. For the first time, Kate actually looked at him like she felt sorry him. Shamefaced, Eggsy turned to the front and forced himself to smile as he heard the shutter go off.

 

\-----

 

Luckily, Eggsy avoided getting grouped into a limo with Harry and Kate and instead ended up with Roxy, Merlin, Gawain and Gawain’s stunning wife, Mareka, who taught at St. George’s hospital over in Tooting and was also seven months pregnant.

Mareka was excitedly going over the finer points of renal transplantation with everyone (only Merlin seemed interested), Eggsy desperately tried to pay attention but couldn’t be arsed to care. Akuna smiled knowingly at Eggsy as if he’d been through this exact situation numerous times. He gently nudged Mareka’s thigh, “Darling, you know how much I love kidney transplants, but maybe not before dinner?”

Mareka raised an eyebrow and squinted at her husband. “You’d never know it, but this one has the stomach of a fussy kitten. I can never discuss procedures around without him dry heaving a little.”

“Anyways,” Akuna said, loudly changing the topic, “Merlin, how’re those rings working out?”

Merlin held up his left hand, the wide, titanium band looked incredibly sleek. “Harry’s wearing the other one as well. Normally we wouldn’t be taking them on a trial run together but as it’s just a party and neither of us intend on any nefarious dealings this evening, we thought it’d be safe. It’s mostly just to test the feel of them for long periods of time. Maybe also test the effect of alcohol.”

“You don’t swell up anymore, do you?”

“Not since I gave up lager, thank Christ. It’s moreso a test for Harry. He hasn’t had much alcohol since his return so we’ll see if he reacts at all.”

“Do you think he’d ever be interested in a bionic eye?” Mareka leaned forward.

That piqued Merlin’s interest. “It’s most definitely something we’ve thought about. Are you suggesting the hospital has that kind of technology?”

Mareka laughed, “Not completely, no. But I think if we teamed up, we could give him one hell of an eye.”

Merlin looked accusingly at Akuna, “Didn’t I suggest mentioning a job for her at Kingsman?”

“Not a bloody chance,” Akuna huffed. He placed his hand on her knee, “We both like her being safe, away from spies and danger.”

“Faaaar away,” Mareka agreed, patting her rounded belly. “I appreciate all that you do and I’d be willing to team up for the eye project but I love teaching far too much. Also-” she pointed to her stomach- “This little peanut is due in a few months and although I’m sure your maternity leave is spectacular, I’m quite happy where I am.”

“For the record, our parental leave _is_ spectacular,” Merlin grinned.

The rest of the ride was spent in a much calmer mood; Eggsy and Roxy took dozens of limo selfies and Merlin continued to discuss bionics with Mareka, while Akuna quietly took it all in, occasionally letting his hand fall on Mareka's rounded belly.

 

\-----

 

[The Rivoli Ballroom](https://www.google.ca/maps/uv?hl=en&pb=!1s0x48760248f02ea2bb:0x15ef2c6933d9a904!2m19!2m2!1i80!2i80!3m1!2i20!16m13!1b1!2m2!1m1!1e1!2m2!1m1!1e3!2m2!1m1!1e5!2m2!1m1!1e4!3m1!7e115!4shttps://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname%3D102721557481995183769%26id%3D6220356973803651618%26target%3DPHOTO!5srivoli+ballroom+-+Google+Search&imagekey=!1e3!2s-wqz7EC-ne64/VlMltfewwiI/AAAAAAAAAB4/8VCQ4tEPwOUU1ChJsuhPaXtF0p0ABKZAwCJkC&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj69PyAu-3TAhUJ6WMKHQUQBDYQoioIjQEwDw) looked nothing short of epic. Classic 1950’s style, all deep reds and golds. Merlin went on and on about how it was the only intact 1950’s ballroom left in London and its use in several blockbuster movies. Eggsy kept trying to use a terrible gangster accent but Merlin kept shushing him.

As everyone shuffled into the long ballroom, Eggsy would be forever grateful for Roxy shutting down his Third Wheel thoughts and linked arms with both Merlin and himself. He’d wondered about trying to spend time with Percival, who was one of the few other single people, but after the emotional incident that afternoon, Eggsy wasn’t certain Percy would like him hanging around.

Lively jazz music filled the air and Roxy pulled them all to their assigned table. They’d barely sat down before Merlin was up and offering to get drinks for them.

“A tray of champagne should get us started, yeah?” Eggsy winked.

“Please?” Roxy batted her lashes.

Merlin’s calculating eyes drifted between them. “I’m not going to have to peel either of you off the floor later, am I?”

They both shook their heads. Merlin squinted at them and then obviously not wanting to get into anything else, he wandered off to the bar.

Eggsy let his eyes drift over the rest of the room. It was easily one of the oldest, most posh places he’d ever been to, but it also felt perfect. It was a night out with people he loved and everything had been taken care of so all they had to do was enjoy it. No stress.

Until he looked over at Harry’s table.

Harry had one arm around the back of Kate’s chair, the other gesturing animatedly at some story he was telling to Bors, Gawain and their respective partners. Their laughter could be heard over the band and Eggsy admitted to himself in that moment that he’d have loved to have been at that table. His chest ached at seeing Harry look so handsome and happy. Unfortunately his brain quickly supplied snippets from their twenty four hours together; Harry had looked just like he did now, except without a suit jacket and the first few buttons of his shirt undone. _Christ._

An actual tray of champagne got set down at their table. Merlin huffed. “I looked ridiculous taking this.” He raised an eyebrow at Eggsy. “Now let’s make Kingsman proud,” he smiled a rare smile and handed everyone a glass.

Tristan’s wife, _Sarah?_ Eggsy thought, giggled at the fizziness, “I haven’t had champagne in _ages_!” She took a hearty sip and groaned. “Darling-” she slapped Tristan’s chest, “-why don’t we drink this more often?”

“You _know_ why, Sarah,” he nodded at her now half empty glass, “Every time we share a celebratory bottle, we used to end up adopting another bloody cat, or-” he put his hand over his heart, “-or, and I know we love them dearly, but I am done with babies.”

“And how many babies and or cats do you have now?” Merlin teased, taking a sip from his flute.

“We learned our lesson after three cats and four children,” Sarah grimaced while Tristan made a snip motion, alluding to a vasectomy.

“Which means we haven’t had champagne in _ages_. Lord, they’re all teenagers now.”

“And that means you’re allowed to live it up tonight.” Merlin said, leaning over to hand them each a fresh glass.

Eggsy and Roxy smiled at the energy around the table and clinked glasses. The night was starting to get better.

 

\----

  
“Finish my cheesecake, please,” Roxy mumbled, leaning back in her chair, her hand resting on her stomach.

Eggsy shook his head and pushed the small plate away. “You took it, you eat it.” He rested his head on the table. “So. Full. Food coma is imminent.”

“Why on earth did you both go back for seconds at the dessert table?” Merlin stared at them in awe.

“Shove off, mate.” Eggsy mumbled into the table cloth, waving his arm weakly. “Did you even try the cream puffs?”

“Or the chocolate fountain?” Roxy covered her eyes with her arm.

“Or the caramel pecan cheesecake?”

Merlin surveyed the small stack of dessert plates on the table, “No, but it certainly looks like you both took care of that for me.”

“You. Are. Welcome.” Roxy said from under her forearm.

A slow song started and Merlin set down his teacup, “Come along, darling.” He removed Roxy’s arm from her face and coaxed her into a standing position.

“So full,” she mumbled into his chest.

“Mmhmm, that’s why I requested a slow song. We can just sway.” He kissed the top of her head.

“You’re the best.” Roxy hugged him.

Eggsy watched Merlin guide Roxy to the dance floor, grinning foolishly at his best friend looking smitten. He reluctantly sat up and groaned at the movement. He was genuinely so happy for Roxy and Merlin; moreso Merlin because he knew how amazing Roxy was and he was glad Merlin got to have some of that in his life.

He took a sip of tea and let the warmth spread through him. They’d all been sufficiently buzzed before dinner but once they’d stuffed themselves full of fantastic food, everyone had pretty much sobered up. He also felt it was criminal to not have a cuppa with dessert.

“Irish up that tea for you?”

Eggsy looked up and smiled at Akuna.  He mock gasped. “You know the way to me heart,” When Akuna sat down and poured a bit of whiskey into Eggsy’s tea, Eggsy looked around him for Mareka.

“She’s dancing with Harry,” Akuna said, lifting his own cup of coffee up to cheers Eggsy. “Or, more likely, pitching him a new bionic eye.”

They both sat in silence for a bit, eyes on the dancefloor. Eggsy couldn’t help the heavy feeling in his chest at watching Harry and Mareka dance. He also hated for Kate to be right but Harry looked ridiculous trying to dance. Even slowly. “Thank god she can lead them both, eh?”

Akuna laughed, “She’s skilled enough to make you think you’re leading when you’re actually not. So, the perfect dance partner for Harry.”

They continued watching them, Eggsy couldn’t keep his eyes off the gentle hand Harry had against Mareka’s lower back and how awkward he looked every time his stomach pressed up against hers. “Are you excited to be a dad?”

“Oh, Eggsy, I’m terrified and excited at the same time. There are moments when I look at her and feel like my heart is going to burst. If our baby is half the person she is, then the world better watch out.”

“Maaaate, you’re killing me, here!” Eggsy teased. “I’m starting to think you’re just one big softie.” He turned to face Akuna, “You used to intimidate me, you know?”

“Used to?”

Eggsy stared at him, “Well now that I know you have the constitution of a kitten and have hearts for eyes, can’t say I’m too scared anymore,” he laughed.

“Oh just you wait, Unwin. When you find that special someone and your stomach fills up with butterflies, you’re going to be just like me. The love of a good person is worth everything.”

“You sap.” Eggsy rolled his eyes. He felt successful in playing off Akuna’s comment like it was no big deal. But his stomach knew what it was like to be filled with butterflies and he used to think he knew what the (non-platonic) love of a good person felt like. He crossed his arms over his chest and focussed on the dancefloor again. The band had seamlessly moved on to another song and couples were either continuing to dance, or in the case of Harry and Mareka, making their way off the dance floor.

Mareka’s eyes drifted over tables until they landed on Eggsy and Akuna. She held out her hand for her husband, “ _Liefie_ ,” she pouted, “Would you rub my feet, please?” Akuna didn’t even hesitate before taking her hand and guiding her to a couch near the back of the room.

Eggsy watched them go, exhaling deeply. He refused to turn around to see if Harry was behind him. He knew they’d walked over together, but didn’t want to chance a look and be disappointed to see Harry elsewhere. At least a minute had passed and Eggsy hadn’t been spoken to, so aiming for casual, he turned in his chair and felt his chest deflate a little at Harry not being anywhere in sight. He heard Roxy’s chair pull out and he turned to gush about Akuna when his eyes widened at Harry taking Roxy’s spot, setting down two martinis.

Harry slid a martini in front of Eggsy, “I had to give quite the lecture to the bartender about these.”

Ignoring the flush he felt creeping up his neck, Eggsy picked up the glass and took a sniff. “Thank goodness you set them right, Haz.” He winked.

“You are a menace.” Harry rolled his eye. He took a sip, humming to himself while looking at the couples on the dance floor. “I haven’t seen you dance at all this evening.”

“I’ve eaten so much that I don’t think swaying around on the dance floor is a good idea just yet.” Eggsy patted his stomach and smirked. “Although I’m sure Rox has other plans for me later on.”

Harry’s expression clouded over for all of a moment before he nodded in Kate’s direction, “I’m not sure if Kate mentioned it or not, but the band is only staying until half nine. She’s apparently hired a DJ for the rest of the evening.” He took a lengthy sip of his martini, “For all of the people who wish to stay and dance to something a bit catchier.”

“Are you intending to stay and dance to Nikki Minaj? Because I’ll be honest, Harry. I’m not sure she’s your cup of tea.”

“As much as I would enjoy proving you wrong, Mr. Unwin, I doubt I’m up for the thumping of her bass heavy music.”

“I am left to twerk alone then,” Eggsy sighed dramatically.

Harry choked on his martini, quickly picking up a discarded cloth napkin to cover his mouth. “You know how to do that?!”

Eggsy stared wide eyed at Harry, “You know what it is?!” his jaw nearly touching his chest.

“Know what what is?” Kate’s voice piped up behind Eggsy.

“Have you taught him what twerking is?” Eggsy turned around to look up at her.

Kate’s eyes widened and she blushed, staring at Harry. She shook her head, “I can safely say I had nothing to do with that.”

Eggsy shrugged, he would’ve been more surprised had Kate been the one to teach Harry about twerking. He faced Harry again, “Well now I _need_ to know who introduced you to it.”

Harry looked indignant, “I’m not as old as you think I am, Eggsy. I’m perfectly capable of figuring out Youtube.”

“Yes, Harry. No one is questioning your ability to use a computer.” Kate patted his shoulders. “Come and say a few words before the band starts their finale set please.” She took the martini out of his hand and pushed him up and out of the chair.

They walked across the dance floor and Eggsy’s eyes zeroed in on Kate leaning over to Harry, whispering what looked like angry words in his ear. Harry’s shoulders stiffened. He wrapped an arm around Kate’s waist and kissed her cheek in what appeared to be an apology. _That was weird._

Harry then opened the side door for Kate and they made their way up to the stage. The band had just finished their second set and made room for them at the front of the stage. Harry struggled with the mic until Kate flicked the button on the left side of the microphone. There was slight feedback but it ended up getting everyone’s attention.

Harry cleared his throat. “I would like to thank you all for coming out this evening and we hope you’ve had an excellent time. I would also like to thank both the catering staff and the band for their hard work.” Everyone clapped. Harry ran his hand down his tie before looking back up. “In all seriousness, I never thought this would happen. After what happened on V-Day, I fully expected to be dead or in a hospital bed for the rest of my life.” The silence in the room spoke volumes of the grief that surrounded V-Day. Silence for the lives lost, for what could have been lost and also the utter gratitude that life could carry on. “But, slowly, just like the rest of the world, I recovered and suddenly there was hope again. After tireless hours of dedication from remarkable people like you-” he gestured to the crowd,”-we as an organization got stronger. I have never been more proud to call myself a Kingsman.” Kate handed him a flute of champagne and he raised his glass. “To Kingsman!”

“To Kingsman!” everyone cheered.

Eggsy clinked glasses with Roxy and Merlin, wiping away an unapologetic tear at the same time. Even if he could only ever be friends with Harry, in that moment he knew his willingness to die for Harry was absolute. He loved the man so much it was painful. When Harry met his eyes after finishing the toast, Eggsy positively beamed at him, another few tears streaking his cheeks.

Happy, happy tears.

 

\-----

 

The band had left and several of the knights had already gone home before the ballroom staff had thankfully removed the dessert table. Eggsy and Roxy decided to have one more cookie, albeit a cookie that had been drenched in the chocolate fountain first. Eggsy tried to convince Roxy to do dessert shots as well but she limited them both to only shots of the whipped cream flavoured vodka instead and only three each as well. She took her job of Person Who Makes Sure Eggsy Doesn’t Cry in the Loo, seriously.

The DJ was getting set up and several men in black jeans and t-shirts were moving speakers and equipment up onto the stage. Kate’s laughter rang out and Eggsy turned to see her leaning on Harry’s chest, looking completely happy. Her shoulders shook and Harry’s responding smile was radiant.

“Can’t we have one more shot?” Eggsy’s eyes pleaded with Roxy.

“I want to be able to dance with you Eggsy! Stay sober enough for dancing.” She looked over at Harry and Kate and she sighed. “Do you want to go out and get some fresh air?”

With one last look at a smiling Harry, Eggsy nodded. “Yeah, get me out of here for a bit.”

 

\----

 

They sat on the loading dock and swung their legs, bumping into each other occasionally. Silence never felt heavy with Roxy. She put her hand on top of his. Eggsy leaned over and kissed her bare shoulder and took a deep breath. “I will get over this Harry thing eventually. I promise.” He stopped Roxy from placating him with a shake of his head. “No, I need to get over him because it’s not fair to you to have to bail out my stupid heart all the fucking time.”

“Eggsy, it’s what best friends do. It doesn’t matter what happens, I’ll always be there for you.”

“Christ, I love you so much.”

“This is as sappy as you’re allowed to get. Maximum sap.” Roxy pointed at him.

“Done. Sappiness over.” He grinned. “Think the DJ is finally set up yet?”

Roxy grabbed Eggsy’s wrist and looked at his watch. “Let’s hope so.” She smiled weakly.

Eggsy stood up and held out a hand for Roxy. She hoisted herself up, dusting off her dress with her free hand.

They both jolted at the loud crack of gunfire. “The fuck?!” Eggsy shouted, yanking open the door, pulling Roxy in with him. Screams and shouts were coming from the ballroom along with more gunfire. Eggsy ran through the kitchen and looked out through the porthole in the staff door. His heart thumped spastically against his chest. He glared at one of the cooks, “Knife! Now!”

The scared cook shool as he handed him a knife. “Get out of here!” Eggsy turned his attention to the ballroom and he had trouble making sense of what he was seeing. The knights that were left were defensively standing around the dancefloor, several men in black were strewn across the floor and tables. Hysterical crying could still be heard and Eggsy nodded at a knife-wielding Roxy to follow him out.

“Who the fuck were they?!” Merlin could be heard shouting from the dancefloor. The knights looked at each other in confusion, some trying to patch themselves up after taking down the assailants. _No serious injuries, thank god._

Percival ran in from the front hallway, “There’s more coming, we need to go now!” Uninjured knights started to move leftover civilians and their own partners to safety and picked up any discarded weapons. Merlin shouted at Bedivere to call 999.

“Where the fuck is the fucking first aid kit?” Merlin shouted, pushing his way around the knights.

More screams came from the kitchen. Bors loudly cursed out the guns the wetwork crew had used before disappearing into the kitchen, Lemorak not far behind.

Eggsy’s heart race ratcheted up as he scanned the room for Harry, but he couldn’t see him. Then the hysterical crying from the dancefloor made bone-chilling sense. Against his better judgement, he dropped his knife, his eyes brimming with tears. _Not you. Not you, please not you!_ He ran and shoved his way through people till he laid eyes on his worst nightmare.

Harry, barely moving, surrounded in a pool of his own blood. Kate pressed her hands up against where the wound must’ve been on his abdomen, her white dress stained with blood. _So much blood_. She shook and cried and mumbled words to Harry.

Eggsy slid and fell to his knees, leaning his shaking body over Harry’s to listen for breathing. A small sliver of hope blossomed in his chest at the weak but ragged sound coming from Harry’s mouth. Harry’s eyes fluttered open briefly and Eggsy nearly burst into tears. “Harry? Harry, you gotta stay with us, okay?” He pressed his hands over Kate’s, the warm blood coursing over his fingers. “Please,” he choked out, anguish filling his voice. “You can’t leave me again!” His world was spinning.

How could this be happening?

How could he be losing Harry all over again?

Merlin shoved Eggsy out of the way, a first aid kit hitting the ground loudly. “Eggsy, you shouldn’t be here for this! Roxy!” he shouted. Roxy ran up and paled at the sight in front of her. Merlin started calling out instructions and Roxy gently but efficiently pushed Kate away before ripping open Harry’s shirt.

“Eggsy! NOW!” Merlin roared.

Kate grasped Merlin’s hand, “Please,” she sobbed. He nodded at her and got back to work.

The first thought that screamed at Eggsy was that Kate shouldn’t be there either. He needed to get her to safety, he needed to get her away from the horror. He tried to grab her hand but it slipped because of the blood on both of their hands. He grabbed her elbow and started to pull her towards the front hallway. She stumbled behind him, her free hand desperately grasping his jacket. He looked through the ballroom door; an armed guard stood in front of it, presumably waiting for backup. Eggsy brutally shoved the door open and knocked the man down. He pulled Kate behind him, grabbed the gun and hit the man in the head, knocking him unconscious. He could feel Kate’s fingers digging into his skin through his jacket. Eggsy turned to make eye contact with her, her expression was heartbroken. He mouthed, _I’ve got you_ and waited for her to nod at him. It took a moment but she did. He looked up at a mirror on the wall and saw two more men sneaking down the other hallway. He checked his gun and cocked it, moving Kate behind him completely and letting two kill shots ring out as the men turned the corner.

Eggsy stepped over the bodies, checking the magazines for bullets and then discarded the first gun. He pushed Kate against the wall and held her there. He poked his head around the corner and grabbed her wrist, hauling her behind him. A shot rang out behind them and Kate screamed, clutching Eggsy’s shoulder. He spun them around and fired at the assailant. There wasn’t any time to waste, he started to run towards the front of the building. The glass doors were in sight. His heart pounded as his feet did the same down the hallway; Kate’s heeled feet thumped behind him.

Another henchman burst through a bathroom door and Eggsy punched him in the jaw, causing the man’s head to snap back against the door frame. Eggsy roughly yanked Kate towards him as he ran to the doors. He looked out and all he could see was a well illuminated parking lot. He turned around and grasped Kate by her shoulders. Avoiding the massive amounts of blood all over her dress, he made eye contact with her. “Kate, you need to get out of here, get in a limo and go back to HQ.” He grimaced at the look in her eyes. “Kate, we’ll be right behind you, I swear. We’ll figure out who did this and we’ll get Harry back safely. I promise.”

He opened the door and moved her to the other side and closed the door. He checked behind himself before looking at Kate; he tried to school his own face into looking brave and not pants shittingly terrified. “We’ll get Harry back safely, Kate.” Even he didn’t believe his own words.

Kate shook her head, “You won’t!” she cried.

Eggsy rested his hand against the glass, the blood leaving a mark. “Kate, I swear on my life we will.” He heard commotion behind him and whipped around to make sure no one was there. A loud thunk of metal on metal sounded in front of him. He looked down at the door and was immediately perplexed by a large metal bar wedged in between the door handles, effectively locking him in. He looked up at a heartbroken Kate.

Except she wasn’t crying anymore. She stared at him carefully with a raised brow. Her voice took on a terrifyingly measured tone, “No. I’m _telling_ you you won’t. He’ll bleed out before you can get him anywhere. That was the _whole point_ in having him get shot in the stomach.”

Eggsy’s eyes widened and he felt his stomach drop painfully. “Wait, what?!”

A slick, black vehicle screeched up behind Kate. Kate lifted up her hand and waved at him. His eyes completely glossed over the blood caked onto her skin, only seeing _the rings._ His brain felt like it was melting.

“The fuck?” he choked out. His heart had already broken and now it was shattering.

Her expression turned cruel, “Maybe if you’d spent less time imagining Harry _fucking_ you over every available surface, you would’ve noticed things are not always as they seem.” She bared her teeth in a horrific smile. “Let this be a free lesson in how to not be so disgustingly trusting.”

She spun around and actually fucking _strutted_ her way to the freshly stopped vehicle. With a casual look over her shoulder she grinned that haunting grin again, “You’ll do the honours at his funeral _this time_ , won’t you?” She raised an eyebrow and barked out a bright, sadistic laugh, giving him a nauseating once over. “Oh, _of course_ you will.”

A large man in black got out from the vehicle and opened the door for Kate. With a smug blown kiss, she was gone.

Eggsy screamed at the fleeing vehicle, his rage and heartbreak unable to be turned into words. He slammed his body repeatedly into the doors, hoping to break it but when nothing he did worked, he collapsed and started to sob loudly. Hot, fat tears rolled down his cheeks. His broken sobs turned into more screaming, his throat raw and burning. He couldn’t go back and watch Harry die again. It would kill him.

He could barely hear the sirens or the sound of Merlin barking orders to whoever was around, over his wailing. Someone shook his shoulders and he blinked tears out of his eyes to see a panicked Roxy in front of him. Her lips moved, but he didn’t hear anything. He tried to read her lips but all he kept reading was “Harry” over and over again.

“Eggsy!” Roxy shouted again.

Eggsy choked back the next wave of tears, sniffling and wiping his nose on his jacket.

“Eggsy?” Roxy asked in a normal voice. “Can you hear me, Eggsy?”

He nodded and bit his lip to stop himself from crying again. The coppery taste of blood soon touched his tongue.

“The ambulance has Harry. He’s still alive and he’s going to the hospital.”

“He won’t make it,” he whispered.

Roxy stared at him in confusion. “Eggsy, the paramedics said they got here just in time! Harry is still alive.”

Eggsy shook his head, “She planned it so he’d die before they’d get him there.”

“The fuck? Eggsy, I think you need to come sit down. We don’t even know who was behind this yet.”

His rage bubbled up again and he shoved her hands off his shoulders, “Yes, we fucking do!” he shouted petulantly. He pushed himself up and glared at her. “Kate did this.”

Roxy gasped, “Eggsy, I don’t think-”

“No!” he shouted again. “She’s got both of the fucking rings and she planned all of this! She is the reason tonight even fucking happened in the first place! Christ, I’ve been so stupid!” he cried out, punching the wall on each word.

This was it.

He’d barely survived the last time Harry had died.

He wasn't sure he'd make it a second time.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news is the next chapter is already written so you won't have to wait like three months for more. Right? We still like me, right? Nerves are what have kept me from writing and then posting this chapter. #NervousAF
> 
> Fun Fact: The Rivoli Ballroom was the ballroom used in Legend!


	15. Cold Blooded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This is a violence-heavy chapter.

Eggsy didn’t even remember how he’d gotten back to HQ. Bors and Roxy were the ones who were currently with him in the room, so they must’ve driven him back. He knew Roxy had tried to get him to change his bloody clothing but he’d resisted. He stared at the wall in Merlin’s office, fists clenched to the point where he was certain they were going to lock up and stay that way. His tears had dried a long time ago and all he felt was the shaking, all consuming rage that only a deep betrayal can create.

His brain supplied incident after incident of moments where he should’ve clued in. Moments where if he hadn’t been so self-centered, he would have realized that his relationship with Kate was entirely one-sided. She never really sought him out for non-work-related one on one time, he’d forced it on her. He grimaced at himself, he’d been so weak. He had lapped up any and all kindness she’d shown him, like a touch-starved fool. Kate’s words kept coming back to haunt him, “ _Consider this a free lesson in how to not be so fucking trusting.”_ Why did he let his love of Harry cloud his judgement? _This is why you’re not a fucking Kingsman, you dickhead,_ he thought angrily.

_You made it so easy for her._

He shifted on the couch to ease the tension in his spine and rolled his neck. Bors talking on the comms was background noise at this point, Eggsy didn’t even know what Roxy was doing. He shut his eyes, strictly to moisten them because they felt like they were covered in steel wool.

Once they’d been told that Harry was in stable condition, Eggsy let himself focus solely on his anger. He’d watched Kate grieve Harry’s death and her surprisingly mellow reaction to him being alive and then the constant touchy feely wife act. His head ached. How much of it had been a lie? She couldn’t have predicted Harry’s miraculous return. Eggsy shook his head. No. It wasn’t until Harry was alive and well that she must’ve found a motive. She apparently had no desire to be Harry’s wife anymore; killing her husband didn’t even faze her. Every single move she’d made over the past however many months had been to secure those fucking rings. Kate now had the entire Kingsman organization by the throat and no one had seen it coming.

But the stunt she’d pulled was in no way the work of a novice. Eggsy’s insides shivered at the knowledge that he now had no idea who or what Kate truly was. And then a more horrifying thought occurred to him:

Kate knew _exactly_ who he was.

She’d watched him for months. She’d had access to all of his history and missions. His stomach twisted; she knew about his feelings for Harry and didn’t even hesitate to use that knowledge against him. She’d known exactly what to say to shut him down. He’d shown weakness and she’d leapt at the opportunity.

Eggsy felt the self-hatred burn in his chest. Never again. Never fucking again would he trust so freely. He’d nearly had to watch Harry die all over again and he’d even made sure the (attempted) murderer had gotten away scot free. He chewed on his lip, eyes darting around the room.

Bors and Roxy were now side by side looking at Merlin’s wall of screens. Eggsy reluctantly unclenched his fists and pushed himself up into a standing position. Roxy jumped at his sudden movement.

“Eggsy?” Her voice was filled with hesitation, her hands held up in a surrendering gesture.

He was done. He was done with people handling him like he was about to break. His anger crested again but he swallowed it down. Roxy didn’t deserve his rage. Only one person did. Eggsy’s eyes flicked up to the screen, focussing on the map that had been pulled up. “Do the trackers on the rings work?” his voice sounded broken, his throat was still raw from all the screaming.

Bors turned around and stared at him carefully. “They do.” He took a deep breath and gave a look to Roxy, “Eggsy, Merlin’s ordered a full lockdown of Kingsman. We need to know what we’re dealing with.”

Eggsy glared at Bors. “I’ve already told you what we’re dealing with, _Thomas_ . We’re dealing with a sociopath who’s been biding her fucking time for over a _decade_!”

“Eggsy, I don’t think-”

Eggsy pointed a finger at Bors, “If you try to tell me that I’m making this up, I will not be held responsible for my actions.”

“Bors!” Roxy’s voice cut in sharply. “Eggsy’s the only one who’s seen this side of Kate. He knows better than anyone else what we’re up against.” She looked apologetically at Eggsy when Bors grunted his apology and turned back to the monitors. She put a hand on Eggsy’s shoulder, “Let’s step out for a moment, okay?”

“But-”

“Eggsy. No buts.” She steered him out of the room and down the hall. Looking around to make sure they were truly alone, she then leaned in to whisper.  “Merlin’s orders for this place to lockdown have already started. Which means nothing goes in or out. No weapons, nothing.”

Eggsy sneered. “And why’re you telling me this?”

Roxy grabbed his phone from her cleavage. “Because I’m giving you your phone back and I know for a fact that the loading door for the kitchen is one of the last ones to lock.” She looked at him sadly, “You and I both know that if those rings leave London, we’re fucked. Merlin won’t be ready to retaliate till he gets back from the hospital.” Roxy took a deep breath. “Kate obviously planned this so we’d be caught off guard and left stranded without our tech. She’s already got over an hour on us already.” She looked around again, “You can’t take any Kingsman weapons with you, Eggsy, but I’ll make sure the tracking info gets to your phone. We need to take action now, we can’t wait.” She pulled him into a crushing hug. “I love you,” she whispered into his ear. “Now go and get those rings back. Show her what Kingsman is really made of.”

They broke apart and smiled weakly at each other. “I love you, Rox.” He kissed her forehead and then bolted down the hallway. As he shoved open the loading door, he took a deep and fortifying breath. A buzz from his phone brought his attention back. The blinking dot was leading to the east end of London. His rage bubbled up under his skin and it made him feel _alive_ ; he grimly used it to settle himself and focussed on his task.

There was no guarantee that he was going to come back alive after all of this, but he would make sure that Kate Hart didn’t survive. Death would be the kindest thing he could do for her.

  


\-----

  


The blinking dot had stopped moving about ten minutes ago. Eggsy stared at the map on his phone and then looked way up at the [West Tower lofts](http://www.urbanspaces.co.uk/property-details/3-bedroom--for-sale-on-Pan-Peninsula-Square-London-E14-P23134). He’d hidden himself around the side of a Subway, across the street, watching the front of the building for any movement. When there was none, he made his way around the side of the large structure and found an unlocked service door. He grimaced at the fact that he didn’t have any weapons with him but he also knew his hand to hand combat was deadly enough to deal with.

He checked his phone again, blessing Kingsman tech for being able to give him the relative level he’d need to be on. With the service stairwell and elevator devoid of any signs of life at this time of night, Eggsy decided on using the elevator. 38 flights of stairs were a bit too much. If worse came to worse, he could just hoist himself out of the top of the elevator and get out that way. Thankfully, there weren’t any complications on his way up to the penthouse level. He rolled his eyes, because _of course_ it would be the penthouse. Maybe if he was _lucky_ , he’d get a villain speech from Kate too. Valentine had certainly raised the bar for what he’d expected in villains.

The elevator door beeped open and he stepped out into a shiny and bright, cream-coloured hallway. There was only one loft on this level. The doors were a deep oaky brown and massive. He leaned up against it to listen for any sounds of movement. It kind of felt like a useless move considering how much this place had obviously cost. If you’re gonna spend millions of pounds on a loft, those doors had better be soundproofed.

Eggsy wondered how he was going to pick the lock without any tools. He frowned at the memory of the cocky way Kate had walked away from him. He looked at the handle; what were the odds that she’d still be _that_ cocky? Eggsy pressed down on the silver handle and nearly groaned in aggravation when it opened smoothly.

She wasn’t even trying to hide. She wanted him to come and find her.

_For fuck sakes._

He pushed open the door and waited for a few seconds. Nothing happened. He slid inside and pushed the door shut behind him. He’d gotten a vague look at the floor plan from the info on his phone. He knew the foyer was a long hallway and there were bedrooms and bathrooms interspersed all along each side. The sitting room was straight ahead and there was an office space to the right. There was a dining room and a kitchen off to the left. His body hugged the east wall and he quietly made his way towards the sitting room.

The sound of ice cubes hitting a glass echoed in the massive loft. A light flicked on at the end of the hall.

Kate’s voice rang out clearly. “It’s safe to say Merlin put HQ on total lockdown, ‘cause I imagine that given the chance, you’d have already shot me in the head.” Her tone was almost blasé, like she was _bored._

Eggsy straightened up and just started to walk to the sitting room. “You wouldn’t be wrong,” he said, stepping over the threshold. His eyes adjusted to the soft lighting. They zeroed in on Kate behind a half moon-shaped bar. She'd changed out of her blood-soaked dress; she was now in dark jeans and loose, dark green button up. He felt bile rise up in his throat at the casual air about her.

“Drink?” she wiggled her glass. When he did nothing but glare at her, she shrugged and poured herself one. She gave him a casual once over and quirked her head. “I thought you’d change.”

He glanced down at his blood-stained tuxedo. He focussed on her again, ‘Why the fuck does that matter?”

Kate’s smirk was insufferable. “Well, you’re just literally covered in his blood _this_ time.”

His rage was starting to peak, “This time?”

She sauntered around the bar, sipping her drink, “Well, as opposed to the last time when it was just figuratively.” She put her glass down and smiled at him. “Do you really think he still would’ve gone to Kentucky had you not have fought? Had you have been able to pull the trigger? He was so disappointed in you that he had to _leave_ the country.” Her eyes darkened. “Had you have been able to shoot a fucking dog, you wouldn’t have had to watch him die. For the first time,” she smirked.

Eggsy huffed out a laugh, causing Kate to look at him skeptically.

“What?”

“Harry ain’t dead.” He adjusted his cuffs casually, making very pointed eye contact with Kate. “So, _that_ part of your plan didn’t fucking work.”

Kate pursed her lips, blindly reaching for her drink and took a deep pull from the glass. Eggsy grinned, knowing the news of Harry not being dead was throwing her off. She rolled her shoulders and set her glass down. “So, you’re here for the rings? Even though you know they’ve already been sold.”

Eggsy shrugged. “I figured they might have been and you’re just enough of a cocky bastard to keep the tracking devices on, so we’d be sure to find you.” He didn’t know where his current stream of confident dialogue was coming from, because all he really wanted to do was punch her in the face.

“Not ‘we’, Eggsy. Just _you_ .” She raised an eyebrow and smiled happily. “I have wanted to make you bleed for a _very_ long time.” She started to roll up her sleeves. “Ever since Harry came back, you’ve been pining over him daily, and honestly? I’m just so bloody tired of watching you look at him like he hung the fucking moon for you.” She cracked her knuckles. “I’m _so_ glad we are getting the chance to do this.” Kate walked up to him and grinned. “I can’t wait for Harry to get news of your death. It will _ruin_ him.”

Eggsy readied his fist. He pulled back his arm slightly, only to stop when Kate whimpered. Her doe eyes had gotten wide and were rimmed with tears.

“Eggsy, why?” Her voice was back to her normal, dulcet tone.

He panicked, his brain stopping him from hitting a helpless woman. But then Kate laughed uproariously and her fist connected with his jaw, sending him sideways.

“Fuck,” she laughed, “You’re making this too easy!”

_Never again._

He rested his hands on his knees and looked up at her. His face throbbed. There was no hesitation when he lunged at her, pushing her backwards into the bar. Glasses fell, bottles of liquor smashed on the tiled floor. Kate’s arms wrapped around his neck, her knee hitting him, repeatedly in the ribs, he groaned and grabbed under her knee and lifted, making her lose her balance. They twisted and she fell hard, taking him down with her. They rolled around, trying to dominate the other, until Eggsy slammed Kate down by her throat and delivered punch after punch to her face. She stilled for a moment and he tried to catch his breath.

Kate’s head lolled to the side. The blood coursing from her broken nose dripped all over her face. She faced him again and laughed, spitting out blood. Grunting and hoisting her lower half up, she knocked away Eggsy’s hands, till her legs could cross over around Eggsy’s neck. He clawed desperately at her thighs, his air getting cut off as she squeezed tighter; he could feel all the blood rushing to his head. He pushed up on his knees and toppled them head over feet, the quick movement dislodging Kate’s legs. Eggsy lurched his body back a few feet, so he could catch his breath. Kate pushed herself onto her hands and knees and chuckled to herself, more blood dripping from her face.

Eggsy rubbed his throat, he watched her stand up and assume a fighting stance.

“Don’ tell me dat’s all you got,” her voice sounded nasally and wet. A large bruise started to form on her cheek, but she was still smiling.

“Fuck you,” he choked, his throat tender. Eggsy pushed himself up onto his feet and cautiously made his way back to Kate, his fists ready. He took a swing and she moved her body out of the way. He tried again but she caught his fist and yanked it, exposing his right side. She punched the side of his head, catching his ear on the last swing and he toppled over. Eggsy stifled his whimper, his ear ringing loudly and he felt too dizzy to stand. His fingers briefly touched his ear and they came away wet. He groaned as he sat up. He didn’t even know where Kate was, his eyes could barely focus and he was pretty sure one of them was starting to swell shut.

“Y’ okay, _darling boy_?” Kate crouched in front of him.

Eggsy glared at her. _She does not get to say those words._ “Harry’s gonna be so proud of me when I kill you,” he huffed out.

Kate rolled her eyes and stood up slowly. Eggsy leaned on his side and pushed himself up, only to get kicked under his jaw. He twisted and flailed face first into the plush carpeting. He mumbled into the rug, “I fuckin’ hate you.”

“Awww,” she cooed, “And here I though’ you _loved_ me.” Kate’s responding laugh gave him the momentum to get back up on two feet and grab a vase from a side table. He threw it at her blindly, she dodged but slipped on the spilled alcohol from the smashed bottles and landed on the pile of glass shards. She cried out angrily and tried to push herself up but her hands kept slipping into more broken glass.

Eggsy took the opportunity to hobble over and step on her hand, the crunching sound of more glass lodging itself in her skin. She growled and swiped at his knees with her free hand. Eggsy purposefully fell on top on her, bracketing her kicking legs with his knees. Kate scratched at his face, the glass in her hand making it easier for her to draw blood. Eggsy caught her wrist and shoved it against a shelf on the bar. He thought he heard something crack and even though her other hand was digging into the skin on his cheek, he smashed it again, the bone breaking. He wanted to grin when she sobbed but his face felt numb. He elbowed away her other hand. But she quickly picked up a non-broken bottle of champagne and smashed it against his head.

He fell sideways into the bar, his head hitting the shelf. He kicked fruitlessly at Kate as she rolled away, her one hand hanging limply from her arm. His head felt like it was filled with hornets and his one good eye was having trouble seeing. Kate had made her way across the room and had collapsed on the white sofa, staining it with her blood.

They both breathed heavily, neither of them sounding healthy. Eggsy gently pushed himself up and leaned against the wall. He hadn’t anticipated this brutal of a fight. He looked over at the couch and started to stumble towards her.

Her eyes widened and she slowly pushed her body upright and stood. Her face dripped blood and one side of her face had already bruised up. She took a shallow breath. “You ready?”

“Are you, bruv?” he smirked as best he could, his mouth barely moving how he wanted it to. “You don’ look up t’ ‘nother round.” His chest heaved, he was out of breath and he knew even he was barely up for another round. Only then did he notice a very sharp pain in his side; he clutched it carefully. They’d been vicious with each other and it showed. Neither of them could stand up straight and there may have been two fully working eyes between them. At least _he_ didn’t have any broken bones.

Kate snorted and then winced immediately at the pain in her nose. “Fuck!” She glared at him, staggering closer. “This ends now.” She made it all of a few feet before she collapsed to her knees. A defeated groan came from her heap of a body. She looked up at him, her busted up face proof of how much he hated her. Her good hand pawed weakly at his trousers.

He feebly kicked her hand away and he ended up stumbling back a bit. Kate coughed up more blood and mumbled out something he couldn’t make out.

“Whazzat?” he panted, leaning over on his knees.

Kate swayed dangerously on her knees before slapping her hand on the coffee table for support. She took several deep breaths and looked up at him. Her eyes had gotten all soft again and Eggsy frowned at her. “Wel-” she took another laboured breath, “ _Welcome to Kingsman, Galahad_.”

Eggsy’s eyes widened, “Wha?” He felt a sharp prick to his neck and blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still nervous but at the same time...*grins*
> 
> I hope the violence wasn't too much aka thank you for continuing to read! (I love cinematic violence, the movie Haywire has incredible fight scenes. The one with Fassbender was an inspiration for this fight!) Note: Writing the dialogue for someone with a busted up nose is ridiculous.
> 
> ******I think I'm going to try and update on Saturdays now, especially considering I've got the next chapter written and I'm working on the one after that. I think that now these two chapters and the next one are out of the way, it's getting easier for me because I can finally take my foot off the angst pedal.


	16. And so it is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Answers. Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title for this chapter comes from Damian Rice's song, "The Blower's Daughter". It's both sad and beautiful at the same time and I highly recommend giving it a listen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YXVMCHG-Nk

_Blood._

 

_Raw._

 

_Tears._

 

_Searing pain._

 

_Not his blood._

 

_Heartbreak._

 

_…...Galahad?_

 

Eggsy drifted in and out of consciousness. He had no concept of time, just vague memories. He knew his body should be screaming at him but he couldn’t feel a damn thing. He dreamt of champagne and dancing. The dreams often turned into nightmares of blood and broken laughter. Sometimes he’d hear apologies,

 

_Sorry._

_I’m so sorry._

_I hope you can forgive us._

_I hope you can forgive me._

 

\-----

 

The next time he managed to gain enough consciousness to open his eyes, he shut them immediately upon taking in the harsh lighting of the room he was in. His weak groan roused someone next to him. He felt a warm hand on his. Eggsy turned to face the someone and was met by Roxy’s worried eyes.

“Eggsy?”

He mumbled out nonsense, his mouth too dry to do anything other than smack. He felt Roxy grab something near his hand and before he knew it, Dr. Belgrave and Merlin were bursting into the room. Hot tears pricked his eyes when Dr. Belgrave gently poked at his body. He whimpered and promptly blacked out.

 

\-----

 

A different hand held his this time. Fingers stroked through his hair. It felt like his warmest memory come to life. He wanted to smile but all he could muster was a short huff. His mum’s voice entered his consciousness and he blearily opened his eyes. Both of them. That was new. His head lolled to the side and his mum gasped loudly.

“Oh Eggsy,” she started to cry, “Oh love, oh my baby.” She stood up and kissed his forehead.

“Mum?” his voice was barely a whisper. He tried to move and noticed that he wasn’t held down with as many tubes or wires anymore. “Mum, whatter you doin’ ere?”

 "Oh my love, rest your voice, it’s okay. It’s all going to be okay. I promise.” She kissed his cheeks and then his forehead again. “Everything is going to be okay.”

 

\-----

 

Eggsy had learned several new things since he was able to stay awake for hours at a time and his pain levels were manageable:

  * He hadn’t been out of it for more than a week, even though it had felt like months
  * His injuries included: massive amounts of bruising, two fractured ribs, auricular hematoma, small lacerations on his face, a fracture in his throat and probably more he couldn’t even remember
  * His mum officially knew where he worked and _hadn’t_ burned HQ to the ground
  * He was going to be released in 48 hours, after yet another physical, a session with Morgana and a mission debriefing



 

The fact that he had been made official as Galahad did make him want to shout from the rooftops, but he had a lot of conflicting emotions about it. Details were still fuzzy but he had been assured that Harry was healthy and uninjured and that Kate was not a threat.

Eggsy wasn’t about to believe that last one without proof. Not even Roxy’s word was enough to convince him.

Harry had stopped in for a brief and almost perfunctory congratulations before being hauled away on some urgent matter. Eggsy was pretty sure he blushed for a full two minutes after Harry had left the room. Just seeing Harry alive and well was enough to make happiness bubble up within him.

No one had mentioned anything about what Kate had said to him that night and he _knew_ someone would’ve said something had they have known and he _really_ didn’t need his feelings for Harry broadcasted throughout the organization. Even though he still had no reason to trust Kate, her harsh words had stuck in his skin and he had no doubt that she knew the power behind it; but whether or not she knew how true they really were, had yet to be seen.

 

\-----

 

Roxy helped him get into more comfortable clothing, he was tired of being in that backless hospital gown. He hissed when she lowered him back onto the bed.

“Ribs?” Her eyes looked panicked.

“Yeah,” he groaned. “S’okay though. Can you put my socks on, please? I feel dumb asking but-”

“Eggsy.” Roxy’s tone was serious, “You’ve just been put through the fucking ringer. Let me put on your damn socks.” She leaned over and grabbed his socks, rolling them open. She rested his feet on her thighs and slid on his socks.

He watched her put on his socks. He had forgiven her for the part she played in his final test because she was the only one he’d trusted throughout it. “Have I told you I love you recently?”

Roxy snorted. “Not today.”

“Well, I love you, Rox.”

“The feeling is disgustingly mutual.” She let his feet drop gently from her thighs. “And I say disgusting because I still love you, even though you are in desperate need of a proper shower. Sponge baths can only do so much.”

Eggsy tried to shuffle himself closer to the pillows on his bed. “Trust me, the second they give me clearance, I won’t leave the bathtub until I’m all shriveled and gross.” Once he settled himself, he fidgeted with the drawstring on his sleep trousers. “I know you’re not allowed to give me details until I’ve been properly debriefed, but fuck, Rox, give me something.”

She bit her lip and studied him for a moment. She sighed, checking to make sure the door was fully closed. Scooting her chair closer, she leaned on the edge of his bed, “Okay, but I will hurt you if you tell anyone.”

“Swear on my life.”

“Okay.” Roxy sighed. “I know you’ve said to stop apologizing about the test but I’m sorry we put you through all of that.” She held up her hand to stop him from talking. “And I know we put your trust to the test-”

“-and then some.” Eggsy scoffed.

“And then some, yeah. From what I picked up during the planning stage, it originally wasn’t going to be such a big event, but they were already planning the party as just a party and they figured it would actually the perfect place for it to happen. It was a guarantee that your guard was going to be down and they’d also have complete control of the test environment.” She shrugged. “It...wasn’t ideal, but everyone was eager for you to be made official.”

“Everyone?”

“ _Everyone_. And I’d only found out about the plan back in the initial planning stages of the gala. Remember when Merlin recommended I have lunch with Kate? That’s when they told me.”

“How’d you take it?”

“I didn’t at first.” She smiled. “You would’ve been proud. When Kate came clean about her background, my laugh echoed in the dining room. It wasn’t until I looked at the expression on Merlin’s face that I took her seriously.”

“You’re right, you have made me proud.” He held out his hand for a fist bump. “This is just so much to take in, you know?” When Roxy nodded, he attempted to shrug his shoulders and winced when the pain shot through his ribs. “I’ve been trying to get back to the level of anger I was at on that night, but fuck, it’s exhausting. Like I’m still upset, but not anywhere near that level.”

“Is Morgana helping with that?”

Eggsy shook his head. ”I haven’t had a proper session with her yet. Someone else has been helping me out.”

“Harry?”

Eggsy’s heart warmed at Roxy’s assumption. As much as he would’ve loved time with Harry, he’d barely had a moment alone with Harry since he’d come to. “Nope. Between you and me, it’s Merlin.”

“Merlin? Really?”

“Yeah, he’s mostly just explained some things to me.  Well, what he could without Harry catching wind.” Eggsy had been shocked when Merlin popped in late one night, sat down and gave him honest answer after honest answer. After his one on one with Merlin, it had become very apparent that the amount of guilt everyone carried around about his test was suffocating. There were moments where he almost felt like _he_ should be apologizing to _them_ ; which was total nonsense and Morgana had said as much over the phone, but in much nicer terms.

“So, you can’t tell me anything about Kate? Like, at all?”

“I can tell you that most of what you know is correct, which, yeah, isn’t much, but your debriefing is this evening right?”

“Yeah, right after my meeting with Morgana.”

Roxy shrugged awkwardly, “I guess you’ll have your answers then? I’m sorry, I can’t give you more, Eggs.”

He waved off her concern, she was right. It would only be a couple more hours till he could finally get some complete answers.

“We can gossip all you want afterwards, okay?”

“Thanks, Rox.”

 

\-----

 

There was a soft knock on his door and Eggsy smiled warmly at Morgana as she came into the room.

Then his heart started to race and his fists clenched when a broken-looking Kate came in behind her. The more he stared angrily at Kate, the more he realized he’d basically beaten the piss out of her and the less angry and more awful he felt. And he knew exactly why no one would talk to him about her. All of his anger from that night had been taken out on her and it showed.   

Under the large butterfly bandage on her nose, a dark purple bruise had spread over the bridge and under both of her eyes. Her one eye had a shocking amount of red in it, her wrist was bandaged with a splint and she had small cuts all over her body. She sat down gingerly and let her wrist sit on her thigh. She was dressed down in similar pyjama pants to the ones he’d worn as a recruit and a white tank top. He could make out the tops of bandages along her back and he remembered shoving her down on _a lot_ of broken glass. Kate had yet to look up at him.

Eggsy glanced at Morgana and she smiled encouragingly.

“Before we start, I’d like to extend an official congratulations to you, Galahad. It is a much deserved title.”

He tried to smile but he couldn’t stop staring at Kate. He fought with himself, he wanted to hate her for all that she’d put him through, but she was also the one who had apparently put her life on the line for his candidacy. “Who are you?” he directed at her, his voice quiet.

Kate finally looked up at him and he knew he winced when she made eye contact. He couldn’t help it, her face just looked so painful. She blinked away tears. “My name is actually Kate Hart, I am legally married to Harry but I am also Agent Mordred. Chester King thought he was being _funny_ when he knighted me.” Kate smirked ruefully to herself, “I’d threatened to kill him on numerous occasions and he thought “Mordred” was a suiting title.” She looked back at him, all humour having left her eyes. “And I am so fucking sorry, Eggsy. I-”

Morgana put a hand on Kate’s shoulder, “A lot has happened in a very short period of time. To both of you. Eggsy, you should know that this was not the original plan for your final test. Kate and a few other agents fought for the results of V-Day to count for your final test. But, Kingsman rules won out and the final test must be Kingsman approved. So your first test was actually set to take place about 24 hours before Kate got that phone call from Kentucky. After Harry returned, plans obviously needed to change.”

Eggsy watched Kate for any reaction, but there was nothing other than a slight slumping of her shoulders.

Morgana continued. “Unfortunately, I was not made aware of the newest test until you’d called me about the laptop.”

The laptop? _Holy fuck._ His world felt like it was spinning, it was just one more thing to add to his already over loaded brain. He leaned back against his pillows and shut his eyes.

“I'm sorry it happened that way.” Kate said. She took a deep breath, “But you'd have surely found footage of me as an agent on Harry's laptop and that would've fucked up all the planning we’d put in place for your new test.”

Eggsy opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her. So many questions flew around his brain; he had trouble choosing which one to vocalize. “So you were the one who figured out I was lying? Not Harry?”

“You were lying to protect yourself and I understood why you did.” Kate shrugged meekly, “And Eggsy, I’m not expecting you to forgive me. I know our relationship was weak at best, but I’m asking you to forgive everyone else.” She stared down at her lap again. “In your life, I’m the expendable one, no one else is. I’ll forever be sorry about what I put you through but-” she sighed, “- just don’t take it out on Harry or anyone else, please.”

Coming to terms with every side he’d seen of Kate in the past week was still overwhelming. He wanted to hate her, (if pressed, he would probably say a small part of him still did) but seeing her in both physical and emotional pain was actually making him feel sorry for her. She’d gone through a lot for him, which he still didn’t understand. Morgana picked up on his reluctance to speak.

“There is no rush for reconciliation today, Eggsy. Or even at all. We just wanted to make sure you had the facts and then could decide in your own time how you feel. You will be spending a lot of time going back through the past few months, trying to rectify all that has happened. Although the test was severe and we’ll spend some time going over your emotions in regards to it, you can rest easy knowing that your place within Kingsman is secure. You’re going to get a few weeks off to recuperate and I am always available to talk.” She stood up and walked over to the side of his bed. “You were already an excellent agent and everyone is incredibly proud of you.” Her smiled warmed him from the inside out; she patted his knee gently. “I’m going to request that we see each other tomorrow as well, okay? I’ve had a word with your Mum and she’s alright with me coming to the house.”

“How did she take it? I mean, the truth about all this?” He’d only had a few conversations with his mum since he’d been well enough but he still wanted to have an idea of where she actually stood.

“Just like you, there are things she’ll need to come to terms with. But overall, she’s happy knowing that you are okay and that things are above board here.” Morgana looked over her shoulder at Kate, “Will you be okay if I leave you with her? She has requested to speak with you alone for a moment. And know that I wouldn’t leave if I wasn’t 100% sure of her.”

Eggsy glanced over at Kate; he knew that in their current physical state, they weren’t a threat to each other. He still felt nervous though, but right now Kate was more like the housewife-version of herself as opposed to the sadistic killer-version he met several days ago. Add to that, that Morgana was comfortable leaving them alone. He nodded slowly. “Yeah, we should be okay. But you’ll be right outside, yeah?” He added quickly.

Morgana’s responding smile was encouraging, “Yes, of course. You can call for me at any time.” Before she left the room, she gave Kate’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

After the door shut, the silence was deafening. Eggsy flexed his fingers anxiously, waiting for Kate to speak. He heard her sigh deeply.

“Everything that I said to you that night will remain between us. No one else knows what was said. I requested no audio recording.” She looked up at him again. “I’m not proud of the words I used, Eggsy and I regret how severe it all seemed, but I knew I had to force you to act and the best way to do that was to bring up Harry.”

He felt sick to his stomach. They were going to have a (no doubt) brutally frank discussion about his feelings for her husband. He stared at his socked feet, unsure of what to say that wasn’t an embarrassing apology.

“Eggsy?” Her voice pleaded and he looked at her. “Eggsy, we’re spies. We have a -sometimes- cruel ability to notice things about a person that we know will make them crack. It’s part of what makes us so good at our jobs.”

Eggsy snorted and he shook his head, “I didn’t even see through your housewife act though. I’m not that great.”

Kate frowned at him, “You didn’t see through it because there was an entire organization behind me, building up the lie. Had it have been just you and I for six months, I’m sure you would’ve found a crack in my story.”

“Why did you even lie in the first place? Why go through all the fucking trouble?” He gestured to her battered body.

She took a deep breath and levelled him with a stern stare. “How would you have handled meeting me for the first time if I had showed up as an agent? Would you have handled Harry’s death better or worse?” When he didn’t answer, she continued. “Both Merlin and I believed that you meeting a docile version of me, would’ve been way less of a blow to your self-esteem. And in the long run, I still think it was the right choice.”

“Even though we’re both now just giant bruises?” he joked weakly.

Kate smiled as best she could. “You’re officially Galahad, aren’t you?”

Eggsy felt his cheeks flush and he had to look away. The cost of his knighthood troubled him. “Why did you put your life on the line like that? I could’ve killed you! And you didn’t even owe me anything.”

“You’re right, I didn’t owe you anything. But I know how much you mean to people here.” Her tone was heavy. “Besides, _no one_ thought you’d try to befriend me, so it became clear that I could be your final test. The goal wasn’t to make you stop trusting all together, and I hope that isn’t the case but, it was moreso to make you realize that even those closest to us, are not always worthy of our trust and are capable of awful things. I know you experienced a bit of that with Chester, but your relationship with him wasn’t the same as ours was. I also had ties to Harry which made it even more personal for you.”

He grimaced, “Are we gonna have to talk about that?”

“About Harry?”

“Yeah.” Eggsy sighed.

“I think we should.”

“Let’s get this over with then, yeah?” He shifted back on the bed, resigning himself to the most awkward conversation of his life. Including the sex talk he’d gotten from his mum when he was twelve.

Kate stood up and made her way to the door; she opened it, whispered something to someone and she came back in the room, followed by Harry.

Now the sick feeling in his stomach was swirling, his breathing became shallow as he watched Harry take the spot Morgana had previously occupied.

“You’re looking much better, Eggsy.” Harry’s smile was impossibly warm.

Eggsy couldn’t even acknowledge Harry, he just gaped at Kate, “Seriously?” he deadpanned.

Kate nodded. “I feel like we should start this conversation with some history.”

_This could literally not get anymore awkward. Fuck my fucking life._

“As you know, Harry and I have been married for elevenish years.” She waited for Eggsy’s nod. “But I actually last lived with Harry about eight years ago. We functioned as best as a spy couple could, working for different organizations, having such different styles, for about three years. After that, _glossing_ over some other details, we kind of decided that it wasn’t going to work.”

Harry cleared his throat, “We decided to stay married, legally, simply for the reason that if either of our organizations went tits up, we’d have someone on the outside to help. Also, Kate happens to be one of my best friends; we saw no need to divorce if we had no real reason to.” Harry shrugged casually. “There was a brief friends with benefits stint around 2009-2010 but that’s it.”

Eggsy squinted at both of them, they were married...but they weren’t? His brain hurt. “What the fuck are you telling me?”

Kate looked over at Harry and he nodded. She smiled at Eggsy, “Do you know how long I’ve known about you?” She said, her voice soft.

“Uh, no?” Eggsy made a face, unsure of where this was going.

“The first time I heard about you, was the day you called in your favour from Kingsman.” When Eggsy just sort of stared at her, she carried on. “And then it was nearly non-stop, up until Harry’s unfortunate visit to Kentucky.”

“Why was it non-stop?” His mind raced with terrible reasons why. Were they taking bets on how long he’d last in training? His eyes drifted over to Harry and to his genuine surprise, Harry blushed. _What is happening?_

“That would be my doing, embarrassingly enough.” Harry said. “I erm, tended to keep Kate up to date on your progress throughout the candidate process.”

Kate glared at Harry. “He’s making it sound like it was one check-in a week.” She met eyes with Eggsy. “The sheer amount of late night phone calls, texts, emails and video chats I received in that short period of time was staggering.” She leaned back and crossed her arms gently over her chest. “And don’t even get me started on your 24 hour period.”

 _Oh god. Oh my god._ Eggsy couldn’t stop staring at Harry. Was this the moment he’d convinced himself he’d never experience? He’d involuntarily started to lean forward. ‘What were you telling her?” His voice was quiet, his heart ready to burst at whatever words came out of Harry’s mouth.

Harry sighed deeply; when he looked up at Eggsy, the warmth in his expression was almost enough to make Eggsy burst into tears.

“Jesus, I need to hear you say it, Harry.” He pleaded. He needed to know this wasn’t a dream. He needed to know that he hadn’t made up all the looks and the touches and the- _everything_.

Harry stood up and walked to the side of Eggsy’s bed. He sat down next to his legs and he picked up Eggsy’s hand, holding it in his own. “I am a besotted old fool, Eggsy. And have been for a very long time. I know your final test was hard on you, I’m not expecting anything else in return, but I hope you can forgive me.”

Eggsy blinked and felt tears run down his cheeks, “Wait. Oh my god, just...what? Are you in love with me?” He whispered, his hand shook in Harry’s.

“Hopelessly.” Harry’s other hand cupped Eggsy’s non-bruised cheek.

He burst into tears, ignoring the pain in his ribs when he hauled Harry in for a hug. Harry’s arms wrapped around him carefully, his hand on the back of Eggsy’s neck, his fingers running through the soft buzz of hair. He rested his cheek on top of Eggsy’s head. “My darling, you have no idea how much you mean to me.” He whispered into Eggsy’s hair, pressing a gentle kiss to his crown.

Eggsy clutched his jacket, his tears soaking into the wool. “I have loved you for so long, Harry,” he mumbled into Harry’s chest. Of all the things he’d expected to come out of this awkward meeting, it sure wasn’t Kate pushing Harry to confess his feelings. To finally have what he’d wanted for so long…he felt like he was dreaming.

A pained sob brought them both out of the hug. They looked over at Kate, who was smiling and crying. She tried to wipe her nose but whimpered at the contact. “I’m so happy for you both and I’m so fucking glad this is all out in the open.” Her relief sounded palpable. “But my face is in agony.” She groaned as she stood up and nodded to the door. You both deserve a moment alone anyways.”  

Harry let go of Eggsy to hug Kate. “Thank you for all that you did.”

Kate pulled away and kissed his cheek, smiling at them both before leaving the room.

Eggsy’s eyes roamed over Harry’s body; now that he was officially allowed to look, he was taking his fill. All those moments where he felt like Harry had looked at him lovingly or had hinted at something were real. He hadn’t imagined any of it. Eggsy had never felt lighter.

Harry turned around and made his way back to Eggsy’s side, “You have made me so proud, Eggsy. And I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you anything sooner.” He kissed the side of Eggsy’s face. “However, you’ve made it absolute torture since I’ve been back.”

“Have I?” Eggsy could easily name half a dozen times where he’d flirted too much but he’d much rather hear Harry list them off.

“I swear, I must’ve thought about you and that bloody tan from your Cuba mission for _weeks_. You looked so gorgeous and well rested.” He hummed to himself, obviously replaying the memory.

“I wish I’d come back well fucked,” Eggsy mumbled and immediately regretted it.

Harry pulled back a bit, “What was that?”

Eggsy groaned, “I -oh my god- I uh, may have cast my vote for you, for Arthur, after being interrupted... _during_.”

“During?” Harry sounded confused. He thankfully put the pieces together quickly and gasped out a small, “Oh.” He cleared his throat, “Did you, um, finish afterwards?”

“No, he’d left by the time I was done. It was awkward.”

Harry snuggled closer, “Well, I hope you know that _I’d_ never leave you unsatisfied,” he whispered against Eggsy’s ear.

“You don’t even know, love,” he laughed, trying to reign in the happy, swirling feeling in his chest. His mind recalled his last night at Harry’s house and how memorable it had been.

“Why do I feel like this is another awkward story?”

Eggsy felt his cheeks heat up, “More like an awkward confession.”

He felt Harry rest his head on top of his hair. “Is this by any chance about that phone call last week?”

“ _Oh fuck._ ” He covered his face with his hand, “I knew I didn’t get away with it! Sorry, it kind of happened without your consent.”

“Trust me, darling, I’m guilty too. I struggled with keeping it professional and I was a right mess for the rest of the night. Kate had to give me a lecture about how we were so close to your test and I wasn’t allowed to fuck it up because I “couldn’t keep it in my trousers”.”

The surprising fact that Kate was supportive of everything between he and Harry still threw him for a loop. He ran his fingers down Harry’s tie. “Why did she do all of that stuff for me? I mean, you saw what I did to her.”

Harry sighed, “She knew the risks going in and she understood the part she needed to play, it made sense for the target to be her. I was surprised when she told me you’d been trying to befriend her. She also knew how much you meant to me. It wasn’t easy for her to do it either; I know she nearly caved during the photoshoot, she said she’d looked at you and her heart broke, knowing how your night was going to go.” He shook his head, “Kate and I have had a lot of discussions about you, both before and after Kentucky. Once she finally met you, she understood why I was so smitten.” He let go of Eggsy and turned to sit so he could face him. “When Kate met you, she was forced to not only deal with her grief, but yours as well. And I don’t mean you burdened her with it.” He eyed him carefully. “I meant that she knew how I felt about you and she couldn’t say anything. After discussing it with Merlin, they’d both agreed it would’ve been worse for you to know how I felt about you.”

Eggsy’s eyes rimmed with tears, “How could it have possibly been worse?”

“Darling.” Harry took his hand, “You had _just_ learned about Kate’s existence and you were already grieving. Imagine if you’d been told that your love hadn’t been unrequited? Wouldn’t that have set you back?”

He knew his answer. It would’ve been agony to know. He nodded his head; the only way he’d been able to process some of his grief was to think of his relationship with Harry as platonic, even though he’d failed at it often. He took a deep breath, his eyes fluttering shut at the familiar smell of Harry’s cologne. “And she’s really okay with this? Cause, I’ll be honest, it’s a little weird.” He felt Harry’s chest move while he chuckled silently.

“Well yes, it is a bit unorthodox, but before I’d gotten back, I hadn’t even seen Kate in person in nearly two years. Our paths don’t cross all that often. Occasionally we’d get set up on a mission together, but that was fairly rare. And I’m not sure if she’s mentioned it yet, but Chester hated her; from day one he had it out for her.” He kissed Eggsy’s cheek. “And I know she was rather upset that you got the chance to kill him.”

Eggsy snorted, “Well, I can give her all the gory details if she wants.”

Harry sighed in exasperation. “She’d genuinely enjoy that.”

“Really?”

“Yes. She’s got a bit of a revenge kink and I’ll be honest, it was always intoxicating to watch. She has always been used sparingly by Kingsman, for several reasons, one of which being that we are not the only organization she associates with, but if you ever get the chance to see her at work though, it’s always entertaining.”

“Okay, first of all, how many other organizations does she belong to and second, “entertaining”?”

“I’ve only been made aware of her personal and loose professional ties with MI:6, other than that, I believe she mostly freelances. It’s probably best I know as little as possible.” He grinned mischievously. “And by entertaining, I mean that she enjoys her work and it often shows. Her sense of humour is delightfully dark. She was only really brought in when, to quote Chester, “ _A lack of morality_ ” was needed.”

Eggsy stared, slack-jawed at Harry. “Jesus, you two must’ve been a sight on missions.”

“You’ll notice I _did_ say she was used sparingly.” Harry smiled.

They gazed at each other in silence. Eggsy could finally experience what having Harry’s rapt and loving attention was like. The goofiest smile crept over his features. “You love me,” Eggsy said, his tone embarrassingly soft.

Harry returned to Eggsy’s side. “I do.” He smiled. “And once you get fully cleared for physical activity again, I’ll-”

“Take me to bed?” He bit his lip eagerly.

“Take you on a date,” Harry corrected. He leaned in to place a soft kiss on the tip of Eggsy’s nose. “And then I’m going to take you back to my house to make up for lost time.” Another kiss to his nose. “Even if it takes me all night.”

  
Eggsy laughed. “Can’t wait.”

 

\-----

 

Harry had offered to take Eggsy home once they’d finished his informal debriefing, but Eggsy declined, certain that if they were in a confined space together, there’d be no way Eggsy wouldn’t end up in his lap.

At home, his mum had fawned over him incessantly, occasionally having to give Daisy a stern talking to because Eggsy was hurt and couldn’t play horsey with her. Morgana’s visits were not nearly as stressful as their previous ones had been. They’d sorted through a lot of his emotions and thoughts around his final test. He finally managed to stop overthinking the past few months and he’d slowly come to the conclusion that he was able to forgive Kate. Harry and Roxy took turns popping by for tea when they could, the former always having to keep himself across the table or couch from Eggsy. Mainly because there were moments where Eggsy was certain that Harry was barely keeping his sexual appetite in check.

His attempt at getting cleared for all physical activities was nearly ruined by J.B of all people. Eggsy had finally felt well enough to take a short jog with his pug only to have J.B trip him up; he’d fallen hard onto the grass, his ribs screaming in pain. After x-rays and lots of icing, Dr. Belgrave had explained that his ribs were fine, just tender and that he should keep icing them over the next few hours.

Eggsy still went into work, even though he couldn’t do anything other than sit in on meetings, have lunch with Harry and help Merlin oversee other agent’s missions.

Kate had made herself very sparse after his initial two weeks were up. Eggsy had actually almost been certain that she’d left entirely. It wasn’t until he wandered into the Round Table room for a meeting, that he’d seen her again. She looked remarkably different from any version he’d seen of her.

She was dressed in a fitted, black waistcoat, a crisp white button down and black trousers. Her hair hung loosely over her shoulder and most of the bruising on her face had gone, so the black frames of her Kingsman-issued glasses looked striking. Eggsy winced slightly at seeing the black cast around her left wrist. _At least it wasn’t her dominant hand._

He sat down across from her. She was in Percival’s seat as Percival was currently shutting down an eco-terrorist in Alaska. She looked up at him as he sat down, eyeing him carefully. Since he’d last seen her, Harry had had to assuage his feelings in regards to Kate and it definitely had made him feel more comfortable seeing her again. There wasn’t much trust there yet, but he was certain he’d be able to be polite. Eggsy swallowed any residual fear and smiled at her. “Good afternoon, Mordred.”

Kate’s face blossomed in surprise, her smile fighting to take over her face. “It’s good to see you, Galahad.”

They both followed the pleased sound coming from the head of the table. Harry had the happiest look on his face as he looked at each of them.

Eggsy scoffed while Kate told Harry to fuck off. Obviously the man was thrilled that they were starting to get along, but Eggsy had no desire to be cooed over for it. Eggsy looked at Kate again and they each chuckled. _This was nice._

Harry cleared his throat and began the meeting.

After everything had been taken care of, Harry dismissed them. Eggsy gave Harry a peck on the cheek and made his way out of the room, holding the door for Kate. She nodded her thanks and walked into the hallway; she stopped abruptly and turned around. “If, uh, if you’re ever in the need of a night out or something, in the next few weeks or so, feel free to um, give me a ring.”

“Are you done at the end of this month?”

Kate nodded, “Yeah, I’m just finishing up my work with the weapons department and a little bit of training and I’ll be out of your hair.”

Eggsy wanted to be able to say that she wasn’t in the way or that she wasn’t in any way a burden, but the knowledge of her not being around did feel kind of freeing. He smiled in thanks and walked down the stairs behind her.

maybe once he was off his pain meds, he’d take her up on her offer. After everything Harry had told him about Kate, Eggsy had a sneaking suspicion that he’d actually get on famously with her. Harry had been not very subtle at all in his suggestion that they would cause him nothing but trouble if they became friends.

 For the first time, in a long time, Eggsy was happy with nearly every part of his life, once he healed up, he was certain that he’d never stop smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went through so many rewrites. Oh lord, I'm happy it's posted now. Also, HARTWIN IS FINALLY HAPPENING. 
> 
> I want to extend my endless gratitude to those of you who have been reading this from day one and those who are new to this fic! I love (love love love) reading your comments, grinning at your theories and genuinely just enjoying you enjoying this story. Thank you SO much for staying with me!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally starting a new series! It won't be as fluffy as Fresh though, I'm going to try my hand at the other end of the emotional spectrum. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
